Once they were safely crossing the bridge back to Oakland, Maddox reached over and grabbed her cold hands.  “You okay?”

“Yes. No.  I think so.”

“You did great, I’m just sorry we didn’t get the bug planted.”

Izzy grinned.  “What makes you think I didn’t plant it?”

Maddox looked over at her.  “Did you?”

“Of course I did.  When I pretended to stumble I slipped it in to his pants pocket.”

“Why didn’t you say something!” Maddox quickly called in to his task force confirming the device had been activated and was receiving properly.

“Hot damn,” Maddox whooped, “we’re already receiving intel.” When he hit the ‘End’ button, he grinned widely.  “You were pretty amazing in there, yucking it up with those guys.”

Maddox’s excitement calmed her nerves a little. “I was scared to death. I just wish Flynn hadn’t had to step in. Going back with the thumb drive will be hard.”

“Flynn did what needed to be done.  If it hadn’t been him, it would have been me. There’s no getting around what was out of our control. Andre would have broken your arm unless you climbed up on that table.”

“Will I have to go back?”

Maddox nodded. “I don’t think what happened tonight is a deal breaker for you and Andre.  If anything, he’ll have a hard-on for Flynn’s takedown.  With the video, that’s a guarantee.”  He smiled, though it wasn’t a happy one.  “It’ll all come down to how you sell it, Isadora.”

Chapter Thirty-two

Two hours later, after Maddox had walked her to her room and instructed her not to open the door for anyone except him, Izzy managed to get a handle on her nerves.  Well, as much as one whose life was completely turned upside down and inside out could. Still jumpy, she hopped into the shower, wondering if they had been followed back to the hotel and if her life would ever go back to its pre-Surf’s Up, boring normal.

Just as Izzy stepped out of the shower there was a knock on her hotel door. Stifling a cry of surprise, she stiffened, standing silent, afraid if she moved, whoever was at the door would kick the door down and come after her.  Her cell phone was in the bedroom. It was almost three in the morning and the person knocking on her door had to be up to no good.

Only thing to do was get her phone, call Maddox and lock herself in the bathroom until he got to her.

Tiptoeing to the nightstand, she grabbed her phone.

“Open the door.”

Her heart thudded and she nearly dropped the phone as if it was a hot coal.

Flynn.

“Go away,” she said, her voice so shaky she didn’t recognize it.  Adrenaline pumped through her by the gallon.  Her hands shook and she felt nauseous.  She didn’t have the stomach for this cloak-and-dagger stuff and she didn’t have the stomach to fight with Flynn again.

“I’m not leaving until you open the door,” he said.

She believed him.  Emotionally, she was in no condition to talk to him. She was drained. So much heartache in such a short period of time.  She was so tired of feeling irrelevant. Between the adrenaline rush and the emotional exhaustion, her body began to shudder uncontrollably.  If she could disappear from the crazy, close her eyes, and sleep for a month, it wouldn’t be long enough.

Yet, despite it all, the one person’s arms she wanted wrapped around her as he told her it was all going to be okay was the one person who had hurt her the most.

“Isa,” Flynn said.  “Please. Let me in.”

Her belly did a slow roll as a fresh shot of adrenaline rushed through her.  God, why did he make it so hard for her? Why was she going to open the door and make it harder for herself? Slowly she opened the door, and when she looked up at him, her heart ached for him.  He looked as miserable and as broken as she felt.  Closing her eyes, she said, “Please, if you care about me even a little, just go.  I can’t do this, Flynn.”

Silently he stared down at her. Frustration swelled, but she forced it down.  He wasn’t going to get to her again.  No more.  She attempted to push the door shut, but he stiff-armed the door, stopping her.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

He looked past her as if he suspected her of having someone in her room.

“Really, Flynn, do you think so little of me?”

He continued to stand silent, staring at her.  If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was afraid of something.  But that was impossible. Special Agent Flynn Ryker wasn’t afraid of anything. He’d proved that when he handled Andre earlier.  She was still amazed at how swiftly he’d reduced the giant to a writhing pile of Russian gruel. So again she asked him, “Why are you here?”

Seeming at a loss for words, he simply said, “I don’t know.”

The thud of her heart as she watched him struggle with some inner demon made it difficult to breathe.

“I—can’t—” Raking his fingers through his hair, he looked straight at her. His blue eyes had darkened dramatically.  “Nothing has been the same since you walked into my life.” He dropped his hands to his sides, and stood humbly before her. “Everything is wrong with it since you walked out of it. I can’t stay away.”

It was an admission that cost him by exposing his weakness. Weakness, to a proud man like Flynn, must be terrifying.  Izzy’s chest tightened as she tried to breathe. She gripped the door so tightly, her fingernails dug into the paint.  When she thought she could speak and her voice wouldn’t tremble, she finally said, “I let you inside me physically and emotionally and you disrespected that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So what are we going to do about that?”

“I don’t know,” he said hoarsely.

Izzy’s heart swelled with emotion for him.  Every fiber of her being wanted to wrap her arms around him, press his head to her heart, and tell him it would be okay.  But she couldn’t.  She wanted more than his admission that he couldn’t stay away from her.

“What do you want, Flynn?”

“You.”

“What parts?”

“All of them.”

Izzy’s heart thumped painfully.  “What are you willing to do for that privilege?”

“Anything I have to.”

Stepping back into the room, she motioned him in.  “Then I think we have some things to talk about.”

When he walked past her, she closed the door, locking it.

Tightening the sash around her robe, she moved to the edge of the bed and sat down to face Flynn, who stood gazing out the window.

“Flynn?” she said softly, prompting him to talk to her.

He turned around and she held her breath.  He looked like he’d lost his best friend.  Was he having second thoughts?  Just the thought of it made her sick to her stomach.  There were no guarantees, was it right to expect them?

“Hurt me with the truth, Flynn, I can take it. Please respect me enough not to lessen the sting with a lie.”

Swiping his hand across his chin, he looked hard at her, and then said, “I admit I have a problem with the fact that some of my friends and coworkers have seen you half naked.  And yes, I’d give my right nut for you not to go back to the club for any reason.”  He shook his head and looked to the ceiling before looking back her.  “But that’s not why I’ve been such an ass, Isa.”  He stepped toward her, and knelt before her.  Taking her hands, he said, “When Stiles offered you money in public and I saw what it did to you—it tore me up. I just wanted to tear him apart for hurting you like that.  It scared the hell out of me that one; I could feel that and two; I had no clue what to do with it. I still don’t.”

“Are you afraid of your feelings for me?”

“Terrified.”

“Why?”

“Because just the thought of losing you makes me sick to my stomach.”  He dropped his head to their clasped hands.

“I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”

Raising his head, he tightened his jaw. “The other night, Pink,” he rasped, emotion clogging his throat, “when I saw your kitchen door open, I about lost it. I knew someone had breached your house. I knew what they were there for. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being hurt.  Or worse. That fear will haunt me for as long as you’re alive.”  He shook his head.  “After you left my house, I went into your room and it hit me how empty it was.  How empty I felt.  It scared me, too.  Feeling that way.  I don’t want to feel that way.  Ever.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”