I see movement and for a moment hope spikes sharply in my chest. Colby stumbles from the burning building and although I’m glad to see that he’s okay, I’m still worried for Jack. What’s taking him so long?

Finally, Jack comes out and it feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders! He’s carrying someone. As he gets closer to me I recognize Beverly. What is she doing back here? How did she find the plantation? Colby said he blind … Colby!

“Adam!” I scream hoarsely.

He swings around, his face black with soot.

“Get Colby! He’s got something to do with this!”

I point to where Colby is stumbling away. He’s heading for the trucks. Adam runs and he quickly catches up with Colby. A slither of relief eases some more of the tension. We’ll deal with Colby and Beverly after the fire has been contained.

I look over my shoulder and then my heart stops. Miss Ella is lying in a small bundle. She’s not moving! I grab the person nearest to me who turns out to be Diane. “Just keep hosing the fire!” I shove the hose into her hands and then I run for Miss Ella.

“Miss Ella!” I fall to my knees next to her. She’s out cold. I can hear her wheezing. Glancing around for help, I can’t find anyone. I tuck my arm under her shoulders and try to lift her, but I’m not that strong. As if a prayer is answered, Jack appears next to me.

“Where’s Beverly?” I ask him as he gently picks Miss Ella up.

“I left her with Adam.” His voice sounds dead, as if the fire sucked the life from it. He walks fast towards the house and I run ahead of them so I can phone Doc.

After I’ve phoned Doc and he promised that he’d be over in a few minutes, we place Miss Ella on one of the couches. I go get a cloth and some cold water, but before I do anything with it Jack takes it all from me. “I’ll stay with her, go check on the others.” His voice is firm, there’s still no emotion. My mouth drops open and I watch as he gently wipes Miss Ella’s face. I’ve never seen this side of Jack. “Fuck, River! Just go,” he suddenly snaps at me.

He’s never talked that way to me before and it hurts like hell. I run back outside, scared to death of what just happened with Jack.

It takes us over and hour to make sure the fire is out and everyone is accounted for. I saw Doc’s car pull up a while ago. He waved and then rushed into the house. I know he’ll take good care of Miss Ella.

I go to where Adam is busy interrogating Beverly and Colby. I’d rather face them than Jack. I still can’t believe that was him shouting at me.

“What’s going on here?” I ask Adam.

He points at the two sitting on the floor. “Well, from what I can understand Beverly and Colby are in some sort of relationship. Apparently he’s been sneaking her in and out whenever she felt like she wanted go to town. It’s been going on for months. That’s how she knows where the plantation is.” Adam shoves his hands through his hair, looking angry as hell. “I’m sorry, River, I was so caught up in Sophia, I never saw this coming.”

“Just let us go,” Beverly starts to grovel, “we won’t tell a soul where you are.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and then turn my back to them. I whisper to Adam, “You know what we have to do. They can’t talk. We have too many lives that depend on us.”

Adam gives a firm nod. This is the part that sucks. As much as we want to save every life we possibly can, some just can’t be saved. It’s either Beverly and Colby or the rest of the people living here. It’s sad but they have to be silenced to protect the others. I should have seen that Beverly was past the point of being saved before I brought her here. Now I’m losing a guard, as well. If I had just left her to be a slave Colby might never have turned on us. This is all my fault for not doing my job properly.

“You can’t just off us!” Colby screams as I start to walk away. “River! I swear it’s all her. She made me do it! The fire was her idea! I never wanted to hurt anyone!”

“We gave you the choice! This is all on you,” Adam snaps, his tone ice cold. “You knew what would happen if you turned on us. I told you that the day you started working here. You knew! Don’t blame her for your mistakes.”

I’m a coward for walking away and not doing it myself. I say I don’t want to be like my father but at the end of the day I am. I started all of this to save lives and tonight I ordered two deaths.

I’m a monster just like Steward Sinclair.

~*~

Chapter Nineteen

Jack~

The fire, the screams and Miss Ella just lying there on the ground - it’s bringing it all back  - the nightmare that’s been my life for so long.

The past few weeks I’ve been hiding from myself. I didn’t want to face what happened - I couldn’t. Momma’s death, David’s betrayal and all the years I’ve let people do sick and twisted things to me – it’s as if it just happened all over again.

I had to get River away from me. I didn’t want her to see me like that.

I’m being bombarded by flashes of Momma’s burning body, the strange smile that she had on her face as she died. I keep feeling hands on me. I keep seeing David fucking Sophia. I keep hearing his words and they’re mixing with all the other voices in my head – all the degrading comments that have been flung my way over the years.

‘You’re nothing but a fuck … Thanks for all the money you made us you dumb fuck … Every hole has an expiration date and you’ve reached yours … new Ferrari I bought … you’re nothing but a fuck.’

As soon as the elderly doctor walks into the room, I leave him to see to Miss Ella.

I run to the chapel and I kneel on the floor between all the flowers and bonsai. I smell like smoke and I’m covered in soot and grime, but this is all I have strength for right now – to just kneel here as the repulsive and disgusting memories tear me apart.

Sorrow and bitterness consumes me until there’s nothing left. I cry for the mother I lost. I cry for the brother I lost and the monster that was reborn in his place. David was pocketing the money made from my body being used and he squandered it on things like cars and who knows what else.

All the pain and suffering I endured - all the rapes and beatings – all for a car.

The Westbrooks might have treated me like a dog, but David was much worse. To him I was nothing more than a bank balance.

For so long hope kept me going, but now I know that hope is nothing more than a weakness. Hope breaks you. Hope gives you faith that something might change, but in the end it leaves you with all the empty promises you made yourself. Hope destroys your soul.

Shame consumes me for all the times I let men and women fuck me because I kept telling myself I was doing it for David. Tears stream down my face as I remember the first time I was forced to suck a Sven’s cock. I remember the first time I was tied down and raped by the other slaves because they had to show me how it was done. Everybody in that house hurt me in some way. The slaves would rape and beat each other, even go as far as to kill the weaker ones. They would fight to be the strongest and most wanted. As long as you were wanted you were worth something.

It feels like I’m suffering from delayed shock as I remember the first time I was forced to attend a party and how they made me come against my will.

The memories degrade me until I’m empty. All that’s left is an itch that’s crawling over my skin as if a thousand ants are trying to burrow their way in.

I tear the shirt from my body and get rid of my shoes. Dressed only in jeans I kneel again. This is all I’ve become. This is all that’s left of me.

There’s no more hiding behind the nine year old boy like I’ve been doing for the past months. That little boy had hopes and dreams – but he’s gone now.