“Because I didn’t want to see you go through this.”

“You withheld information of a rape, and the entire reason for our divorce, because you can’t handle my tears?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I mean you don’t deserve this. This isn’t your guilt to bear. It’s mine.”

“So I wasn’t responsible for telling the police of a crime this man committed?” Her words were filled with venom. “I couldn’t have changed that woman’s future if I’d pressed charges against her rapist well before she was raped? He could’ve been in jail sooner.”

“You never would’ve been in that club if it wasn’t for me.” He got in her face, needing her to listen to the truth. “You wouldn’t have been attacked, Cassie. There never would’ve been a cause for us to fall apart, and you wouldn’t have even known of this man’s existence. My decisions led to this. Not yours.”

“You’re wrong.” She glared at him, her puffy eyes filled with contempt. “I want you to leave.”

“I tried to save you from this, Cass.”

“I’m a grown woman.” Her voice rumbled off the walls. “I take responsibility for my own mistakes.”

“Yes. But this mistake wasn’t yours. It was his and mine.”

“Get out.” Her voice held less venom this time. “Just go, T.J.” Her shoulders slumped, all the fight and fury vanishing.

“Cass, please. This isn’t your fault. You aren’t to blame.”

“No?” She raised a brow. “Then why keep it from me? Why end our marriage if not because you’re disgusted by my actions.”

“Why?” She knew so much, yet so little. “Because I no longer deserved to kiss you when there were secrets between us. I couldn’t stand to look at you knowing I withheld the truth, and I couldn’t sleep in our bed knowing that woman could’ve easily been you. I’ve told you all along, my guilt made it hard to be close to you.”

“Well, your guilt is misguided. And to think you see me as someone weak and incapable of making my own decisions disgusts me.” She looked away and sighed. “I don’t know who you see when you look at me, T.J., but it’s definitely not the woman I am.”

“I know you.” He knew her better than himself. She was beautiful. Kind. Nurturing. Above all, she had a heart that felt the pain of others far worse than her own.

“You don’t.” She shook her head and walked away. “You don’t believe in my strength. You don’t think I’m capable of making my own decisions. So I guess this divorce is for the best after all. I finally agree we’re better apart.”

“You don’t mean that.” She was in shock. Getting over this news would be the hardest struggle she’d had to endure, and he couldn’t stand to let her face it on her own. “Let me stay with you a while.”

“No.” She stopped at the end of the hall, her breathtaking silhouette making his chest ache. “All those nights I wished you were here, holding me. Now I’m thankful I’m not stuck in a toxic marriage.” She strode out of view, taking his heart with her. “Make sure you lock the door on the way out.”

Chapter Seventeen

T.J. was pacing. Again. It seemed that was all he did lately. Each day, he walked miles in the same spot, trying to drive away the image of Cassie. Not only was she haunting his dreams, she was now terrorizing his every waking breath.

“You summoned us,” Leo drawled, his frame coming into view from the threshold of the Shot of Sin office.

“Again.” Brute shouldered his way into the room.

Shit. His heart was in his throat, his pulse a rapid beat, his palms sweating. He couldn’t stop the fear that throbbed through his veins, telling him he was making the wrong choice by continuing with the divorce. The apprehension increased with every passing second that neared the day he would legally sever himself from his wife.

“What’s the reason for the meeting this time?” Brute scowled. “Apart from the need to re-carpet the office due to you wearing down the pile.”

T.J. planted his feet, fighting the urge to keep moving. He’d kept track of Cassie every day since she’d found the lone email he should’ve deleted. Jan was keeping an eye on her, Shay too, and every spare second he had was spent doing drive-bys past his old house in an effort to feel close to her. He’d called a time or two, exchanged a few guilt-filled words, but she never wanted to talk. She was moving on, and doing a better job of it than he was.

“I think I’m making a mistake.” He ran a shaky hand over his jaw. He hadn’t been able to say the words aloud all week. Only the panic wouldn’t stop. His chest was pounding with each tick of the clock.

“Which one?” Leo raised a superior brow and sank into the sofa opposite the office desk.

T.J. shook his head. This was a mistake. It was nerves. Indecision. Obviously, he’d have to experience some form of chaotic regret as the time dwindled to doomsday. What he was feeling was only natural… Right? “Just forget it, okay?”

He had less than forty-eight hours to get through. Relief would come once the divorce was final. Cassie would start to drift from his mind once they were legally separated. She had to.

“Spit it out,” Brute grated. “I’ve got suppliers to call and wages to pay.”

T.J. closed his eyes and rubbed the tension from his forehead. His friends were going to be pissed. They deserved to be after what he’d put them through.

“I think going ahead with the divorce is a mistake.” He glanced at Brute, winced at his furious expression and then turned his focus to Leo. “She knows the truth now. There’s nothing left to hide. It’s only my guilt keeping me away, and I don’t think that’s enough anymore.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Brute stared at him, deadpan.

“I don’t know.” It was the truth. He couldn’t think straight anymore. His conscience was aware that leaving Cassie was the right option. But his heart? His soul? Every part of his chest that pounded all day long? They all told another story. They pushed him to go after her and make sure she was coping with the news.

“You’re joking, right?” Leo asked. “You’ve already dragged her to hell and back, and now you want to do it again?”

“I don’t know.” That was the problem. He couldn’t decide. “I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if this is cold feet, or if it’s intuition telling me I need to change my mind before it’s too late.”

“It could be your menstrual cycle.” Leo crossed his arms over his chest and sank back into the sofa. “You’ve been majorly moody lately.”

“You’re one to talk,” Brute interrupted. “I seem to recall putting up with the same shit when you were having problems with Shay.”

“Point taken.” A grin stole across Leo’s face. “So what do you need from us?”

T.J. shrugged. “Just tell me I’m doing the right thing. Tell me I can’t go back and beg her forgiveness.”

“In that case…” Leo cringed. “I think you’re right.”

“That case?”

“If the aim is to stop her from hurting, I’d let her go. She’s recovering better than you’d expected. She’s going to counseling, and Shay is always over there doing girlie things. She’s not dying without you.”

But he was dying without her.

“You’re wasting our time,” Brute grated. “You don’t want the truth. You want us to stroke your guilty conscience and make you feel better. You want us to placate you and come up with suggestions that will never be better than the option to cut and run.”

True. All of it was true.

“But if you’re looking to punish yourself, I’ll give you my honest opinion.” Brute’s frown increased. “You’re a fucking idiot for taking her to that club and leaving her alone. But most of all, you’re a fucking idiot for letting her go. I know it, Leo knows it and so do you.”

“She never asked for this lifestyle or the depravity that skirts the boundaries of what we do. And what if I hurt her again? What if I fuck up?”

“You’re worried about making another mistake?” Brute scoffed. “Don’t. If you fuck her over again doing some stupid, irresponsible shit, you won’t have time to deal with her pain, because I’ll fuck you up myself.” Brute spoke without a hint of humor. Not even a glimpse.