I didn’t belong here the first time around, so why do they think it would work now? Now that I’ve been raped and beaten.

Beaten and sold by the man I loved.

Now I’m supposed to be normal.

I can physically feel the breath—the life—seeping out of me. Each and every moment pulls the things I thought I had further away and gives me nothing new to replace them. What do I have now? A naive boy who’s nice to me but if he knew the truth he’d be disgusted. Parents who are disgusted, a dog who doesn’t bark in my face when I cry, and a woman who pretends to be my friend just so she can put Luis in prison.

Yeah, that’s a life worth living, right there.

I’m becoming emptier and emptier. Soon there will be nothing left.

High school isn’t where I belong. Hell, I don’t have any clue where I belong. Maybe prison—maybe I should be in prison with Luis. That’s the only place that makes sense.

I don’t come out for dinner, and after a few knocks my mother stops pressing. I cry myself to sleep before the sun even sets.

Chapter Eleven

Today isn’t just another day of school. That’s bad enough. This is the day after my ridiculous episode in the hall. They’ll call me crazy now.

Maybe that makes it better. If they’ve already judged me crazy, maybe they’ll forget the other rumors. The ones too close to the truth.

“You coming or what?”

I blink and realize I’ve been standing in front of this stupid brick building for too long again. Jackson’s waiting, eyebrow raised.

I’m not really in the mood to be angry or nice, or to even decide which I should be. So instead I pretend that finally entering the school was my own idea.

I’m pretty good at maneuvering through a crowd, so I squeeze through the small gaps of people. Jackson follows right behind me. I don’t care when I hear more whispers from the other students.

“That’s the crazy girl.”

“She had, like, eight kids. That’s why she was gone.”

“Ew, the crazy slut just touched me.”

That last one hits a little too close to home, but it’s one truth among a bunch of rumors, and as long as I’m careful, no one will know which is which.

The crowd slows to watch me passing through, the geeky boy still following behind me, almost like he doesn’t notice the difference. But he also doesn’t call for me to slow down or wait up.

Once we reach the lobby, I pause. He catches up and stops beside me.

Now that I’m here, I realize this was the worst possible place to stop. It’s where most of the people congregate. I see groups of kids standing around, some looking at me, some not paying any attention to anything but themselves.

A group of guys, a few of them in football jerseys, talk animatedly and glance over at me.

“I dunno, dude. She’s pretty hot. I wouldn’t mind tapping a little of that.”

Yeah, I’d say it’s definitely time to go.

“I know a place we can hang out,” Jackson says. “Follow me.”

I follow him, because I’d rather be anywhere but in the watering hole of high school, especially when I’m obviously the prey.

“Look, the virgin and the slut! How cute.”

I spin to see a pretty dark-haired girl, freckles sprinkled on her cheeks, with her arms crossed and a grin that tells me she thinks she’s very clever. I pause for a second and feel Jackson’s grip on my hand tighten. He always seems so calm, but a hint of anger crosses his face.

The girl leans in. “You won’t get anything from him, sweetie. Might as well give up now.”

Jackson pulls me away from the girl before I can respond. I don’t really know what she means, but now I’m curious. Not about what mean things she decides to say about Jackson, but about whether Jackson’s life might not be as perfect as I think it is.

I guess he’s a geeky kind of kid, but in an almost cool way. He’s nice and confident, and it’s hard for me to imagine him being bullied and made fun of.

Maybe that’s the real reason he helped me the other day, because he knows what it’s like.

Jackson guides me down the hall, past the main office and nurse, and into another lobby by the cafeteria. Even though this is my second day back, I still haven’t been into the cafeteria. But he doesn’t take me there; he turns into a stairwell that I didn’t notice before, past a few vending machines and glass cases full of trophies and plaques. At the bottom of the stairwell are a whole bunch of lockers.

There are a couple of kids sitting at the bottom of the steps. Jackson goes to the opposite side and sits. It’s a wide staircase, making us still about five to ten feet away from the other kids.

I just stand there, looking around. There are still kids walking around, slamming lockers, and talking, but it’s much more quiet down here.

“Have you been down here yet?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“The gyms are that way.” He points to the left. “The locker rooms are this way.” He points to the right. Then he smiles at me.

I can’t forget that flash of anger or my question about why he defended me yesterday. He’s not perfect. I get that. But no one does something for someone else for no reason. What does he want out of this?

“Why are you trying to be my friend?” I ask.

“Someone has to.”

“That’s a good reason.” I roll my eyes.

“I want a friend. Isn’t that a good enough reason?”

I sit down but don’t look at him. “I’m not really good at the whole ‘friends’ thing.” Least of all when it’s with a guy who, if I were anyone but me, I’d definitely want to be more than friends with.

He pulls out a bag of fruit snacks and pops one into his mouth. “I don’t expect much.”

Well, that’s good, because he isn’t going to get much.

He offers me a fresh bag of fruit snacks. Bad idea. I shouldn’t take one. But it’s been years since I had one of these…

He smiles as I take the bag. “So, I heard about what happened yesterday,” he says as he pops another fruit snack into his mouth.

I don’t want to talk about it, but I’m not really a fan of silence, so I answer. “Had a freak-out, I guess.”

“They’re saying you’re going to murder us all.” He smirks. Awesome, more great rumors. At least he’s not looking at me like I’m crazy. “I don’t put stock in rumors,” he says. “But sometimes the truth is the best ammo.”

I have no idea how to explain this, not without giving up my secrets, but he wants an explanation, so I try being vague.

“Something, a memory, came back that I wasn’t ready to deal with.” I don’t know if this made sense at all, but it’s all I can think to say.

“What’s the big deal? Everyone’s been through something.”

I shake my head. “Not like I have.”

He stops and looks me right in the eyes. “Okay, you’ve been vague about a lot, but that one got my attention.”

“Jackson, I’m not…normal.”

He raises his eyebrows. “So?” he says. “I mean, what’s normal, anyway?”

I shrug. “A suburban brat who’s got nothing to worry about but homework and who’ll take them to homecoming. Kids with friends, dreams of college and settling down…mostly people whose nightmares don’t come back to haunt them at the worst possible moments.”

He smirks. “Whose idea of normal is that?”

“That’s what my parents want from me. I just don’t know how to do it.”

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t tell me you do everything your parents want.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, and I’m sure you’re a total rebel.”

That gets a laugh from him so big that I can’t help but join in. “Don’t let the nice guy look fool you,” he says. “My dad wishes I did everything he tells me to do.”

I can’t help but notice he only mentioned his dad. “Your mom doesn’t care?”

A burst of pain flashes across his face. It’s quick but strong enough that I know I hit a nerve.

“Sorry,” I say. I should know more than anyone that you can’t expect people to be an open book.