“Five years ago.” His voice was so quiet I could barely hear him. “But that’s enough depressing stuff. When am I going to see you again?”

I smiled. “How about Thursday night?”

“I’m working at the bar Thursday night from seven, but maybe you could stop by?”

“Okay. I’ll come by after the gym. I’ll grab a shower there, so I should be with you before eight.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Bye, Leo.”

***

When my father called just as I was heading to the gym after work on Thursday evening, I picked up immediately, worried something was wrong with Mum. He assured me she was fine but asked if I could meet with him now. Despite really needing the session with the fight coming up in a few days, I agreed. Something in his tone was off.

Instead of going to the gym, I grabbed a taxi. A short time later, I rang the front door bell on my parent’s luxury townhouse in Toorak. I held no positive association with this house and didn’t see my visits as coming home despite having grown up there. It was just bricks and mortar in a fancy location. It was better just to avoid the place as much as possible and when necessary, steel myself for a quick visit.

“Juliette.” Jean, my parent’s housekeeper answered the door with warmth that didn’t belong in that cold house.

I returned her hug and stepped across the threshold. The black-and-white tiled entrance foyer felt drafty. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Your mother’s gone out, sweetheart.”

“I’m actually here to see my dad.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, he’s in his office.”

“Thanks.” I tried to give her a genuine smile, but my mouth just twitched instead.

Dad’s office was on the second level, so I trudged up the stairs, glancing at some new artwork I hadn’t seen before as I ascended. When I reached his door, I knocked lightly.

“Come in.” His deep voice sounded stern, and I considered turning around and walking back out. Instead, I pushed my shoulders back and opened the door. My father was sitting at his desk and didn’t look up from whatever it was he was reading.

“Hello, Juliette. Take a seat.” I felt like I was there for an interview. He had a way of making me feel like a hopeful applicant, applying for a job I was never going to get.

I closed the door behind me, walked slowly across the room and then sat down awkwardly on one of the Chesterfield leather couches. I crossed my legs, uncrossed them and then crossed them again the other way. Eventually, he finished whatever it was that had his attention, closed the book then walked over from his large mahogany desk and sat down opposite me on an identical lounge, removing his glasses.

His office was the largest room in the house. It was lined on three walls with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. A ladder was attached to runners to retrieve the books on the upper shelves. With my intense love of books and reading, it was a room I should’ve loved. Instead, it made me feel small and worthless. Or perhaps that was just the other person in the room.

“Thanks for coming.” We made eye contact briefly but both quickly found something else to look at. It was awkward.

“Is this about Mum?” I figured I might as well cut to the chase.

“How’s work?”

Shocked he would ask and even more shocked that he genuinely sounded like he cared, I stuttered my response. “Fine. Good. Busy. Err… great.” My cheeks burned as I stared at my fidgeting feet on hardwood floors. I was an adult with a respectable job. I shouldn’t have let him make me feel like such a failure.

“That’s good. I’ve heard you’re doing a really good job.”

I snapped my head up. “Really?”

“Of course. I’m well connected, Juliette. You know that.”

“Yes. I know that. I just… I just—” I uncrossed my legs and wrung my hands nervously in my lap.

“You just what?” He stood up and walked the few steps over to my couch then sat down beside me. “You just didn’t think I’d be interested in my own daughter?”

I nodded. He’d never shown any interest before, so why now?

“Where’s Mum tonight?” I asked.

“She’s gone to the theatre with Carol. That’s why I called you.” He looked uncharacteristically nervous suddenly. “I wanted to talk to you in private about her.”

“Well, I’m here. What’s going on?”

“She wanted to go to Richard’s house to talk to him. She’s worried he won’t take you back.”

“What?” I sat forward, horrified. “That’s insane.”

“I know. I talked her out of it and thankfully she had plans with Carol tonight to distract her.”

“Seriously, Dad. Can you see how messed up this is? I’m an adult and I broke up with my boyfriend. It shouldn’t be such a big deal to her.”

“She’s barely left the house lately. I thought she was okay, but I found her crying in the bathroom this afternoon. Your breakup is really upsetting her and I don’t like it when she’s upset.”

I shook my head, knowing where this conversation was headed. “So you want me to stay with Richard to make Mum happy? Put my life on hold? Again.” My words burned like acid on my own throat. “Same as always.”

I stood up and walked a few steps away.

He called out before I made it to the door. “Wait.”

I whipped around, ready to unleash some of my pent-up anger, but the look on his face made my mind go blank. I hadn’t noticed before, but when I looked closer, I saw the deep lines around his eyes and the marked increase of grey hair. No longer the vital and formidable man I always pictured in my mind, he just looked old.

“She’s more fragile than usual at the moment, Juliette. I don’t know what to do.”

I walked a few steps back. “I can’t keep living my life on her terms.” I felt a lump in my throat the size of a tennis ball and I took some deep, calming breaths to stop myself from crying.

“You’ve always been so good at smoothing the road, and you know how she can be. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been hasty.”

Swallowing my anger, I stood motionless, torn between my natural instinct to help her and my recent realisation that nothing I ever did made the slightest bit of difference.

“I can’t.” My voice croaked out in little more than a whisper. “I can’t keep doing this.” I repeated myself with more conviction. “I’m sorry, Dad.” I paused before saying the next words. “It’s your turn.”

His shoulders slumped and he appeared defeated. “Please sit down, Juliette.”

Despite my desire to walk away while my resolve still held, something about his plea had me walking back to the couch and sitting down obediently.

“Thank you.” He looked me right in the eye, and I could’ve sworn I saw tears threatening. Surely not. My father had never shown that kind of emotion before.

“What is it, Dad? You’re scaring me.”

“I think it’s time I told you the real reason your mother is the way she is.” He wrung his hands in his lap and I saw another glimmer of vulnerability. “Your mother is grieving.”

“Grieving? Grieving for whom?”

“She’s going to be really upset with me for telling you this, but I’m worried what will happen if you walk away from her.”

“I’m not walking away from her. I’m walking away from Richard.”

“Wait. You need to understand.”

He paused for too long. My mind was spinning out of control.

“Many years ago, we lost a baby.”

I sucked in a breath, completely blindsided by his statement. “Oh.” It was all I could think to say.

“We were young when we got married. We didn’t have much money and lived with her parents, your grandparents, on their farm. I was studying law and coming back to the farm each weekend. We were so madly in love and we were making it work. When she fell pregnant, we knew it wasn’t great timing and I had hoped to graduate and get a job in the city before we started a family, but we were still over the moon.” A sad and distant look settled across his face. “Our son died during childbirth.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “The doctors had no idea why. It was just one of those inexplicable tragedies, but from the moment we were told, we became different people.”