“How about we go out to breakfast?” I suggested hopefully.

He nodded his agreement, but it appeared more out of resignation than consent. I got dressed quickly and returned to find him still staring out the window. There was something really troubling him, and I hoped he would share his burden with me over breakfast.

We walked the few blocks to St Kilda beach and found a café with a free table. In summertime, it would have been near on impossible, but the cold season didn’t attract as many tourists to the beachside suburb. He held my hand, but conversation was stilted for the first time.

There was definitely something off with Leo. If he hadn’t declared his love for me the night before, I’d suspect he was seriously reconsidering us or worse, trying to find a way to say goodbye. It was deeply unsettling and completely confusing.

When our breakfast arrived, I’d had enough of the inexplicable awkwardness between us. “I’m not trying to pressure you, Leo, but are you sure everything is okay? Have I done something wrong?” I twisted my napkin in my hands. “Are you regretting what you said to me last night?”

He snapped his eyes up to me and appeared pained, but he didn’t deny it. My heart plummeted and I felt sick to the stomach.

When he didn’t say anything, I shook my head and waved to the waiter for the bill. I sat there in silence just staring at him.

The bill arrived and I snatched it up before Leo could. Grabbing my coat and bag, I walked to the front counter to pay, not caring if he came with me or stayed at the table. I didn’t really want to deal with his mood any longer and needed some fresh air. How could you go from ‘I love you’ and making passionate love all night to this? I didn’t get it. It occurred to me that I had glossed over his secrets and his demons. I’d thought it didn’t matter when he opened up to me because our connection was so strong. I’d thought I could help him get over whatever was in his past. Perhaps I’d been mistaken.

My phone started ringing in my bag as I dropped my change in the tip jar.

“Hi, Dad.” I stepped out of the café as I answered. I wasn’t really in the mood for him either, but I did want to know how Mum was getting on.

“Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”

“Fine,” I lied.

“Are you busy?”

I glanced back to the table. Leo was still sitting there with his elbows on the table and his face in his hands.

“Umm, no.” It felt like the truth.

“Can you come over now?”

“Why?” I asked, concerned. “Is Mum okay?”

“She really wants to see you and she’s going to Dartmoor tomorrow, so it might be a good chance for you to say goodbye.”

I sighed. “Okay. I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“See you soon.”

He hung up, and I stared at my phone as I felt the walls close in around me. I tried to get some air into my lungs but felt it catch in my throat. I started walking, wanting to get back to my car and the hell away from St Kilda all of a sudden.

“Slow down, Jules,” Leo’s voice called out from behind me.

I didn’t stop and I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, knowing it was probably words of regret. Fuck that. I kept going, taking short, shallow breaths.

I sensed him behind me the whole way back to his apartment. Fortunately, I had my keys in my handbag and I bleeped my car as soon as it was in range.

“Don’t leave like this,” he said when I reached for the door handle. “We need to talk.”

I put my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. “Stop talking. Nothing good ever comes after that phrase, so I don’t want to hear it.” I opened my eyes so he could get a good look at how he was crushing me. “I can’t believe you’d even say that to me after last night.”

His hands covered mine and gently pried them away from my head. He held them together between us. “I’m sorry, Juliette.”

Tears slipped down my cheeks. “You’re really breaking up with me.” I was going into shock. “I don’t understand, Leo. What did I do wrong? You told me you loved me. Why did you lie?” I couldn’t look at him.

“I do love you.” His thumbs caressed my knuckles and I saw red.

Air rushed into my lungs, and I pushed him away from me. “I’ve had enough of people treating me like crap when they’re supposed to love me. I thought you were different. I thought you really loved me for me.” I clutched my chest. “You obviously don’t trust me enough to open up about your past, so I guess this was never going to work anyway. I’m done being a punching bag and I’m done with you.” The spiteful words tumbled out of my mouth, and I watched his face drain of blood as if I’d stabbed him through the heart.

I didn’t allow any feelings of guilt to stop me getting in my car and driving away without looking back. When I’d turned the first corner and was out of sight, I pulled over and burst into tears, acknowledging the devastating pain of a broken heart.

My phone started ringing, and when I saw Leo’s name, I just stared at it. I should’ve waited for an explanation instead of rushing off. Perhaps after I’d seen my parents, I’d call him back. I knew he had demons, and maybe it was all too much too soon. I had told him I loved him and meant it, yet at the first hurdle, I had run. Perhaps it was too much too soon for me too.

One thing I knew for sure; I was still a hot mess.

Chapter Forty

Juliette

“Come on in,” Dad said when he opened the door. “Thanks for coming.”

“It’s fine.” I had an uneasy feeling about it for some reason.

“Let me take your coat.” I shrugged out of my black pea coat and scarf and handed them to Dad. While he hung it in the hall cupboard, I wondered where Mum was.

“Hello, darling.” My mother appeared at the top of the stairs wearing an impeccable pale pink woollen dress with expensive heels in a matching colour. Her hair was tied back in a tight bun.

“Be nice. Be nice,” I reminded myself through clenched teeth as she descended the stairs. “Hello, Mum.” I stepped forward when she reached the bottom.

She embraced me warmly. When she stepped back, she looked me up and down. “You scrub up so nicely when you make an effort.” I knew I looked terrible, but a backhanded compliment was a step up from outright criticism. I’d spent a lot of time fixing my makeup in the car before I arrived but was unable to hide the signs of my despair.

“Thanks,” I replied sarcastically. “I like your dress.”

“I’ll be in my office if you need me,” Dad said. “You mother would like some private time with you.”

“Fine.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I’d get this over and done with and then I’d go home and hide from the world. I was teetering on the edge of a full-blown freak-out session.

We walked down the hallway towards the back of the house and I inhaled the smell of Jean’s homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Before saying anything, she busied herself getting the tea ready. I was even being honoured with the use of her Versace cups and saucers.

“How are you feeling, Mum?” I asked tentatively.

She looked up at me and smiled. “Wonderful. Thank you.”

“Really?” I recoiled. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. “I mean. That’s great.”

When the tea was ready, we moved to the lounge room and sat in the wing chairs facing the fireplace.

“I’m sorry for what happened at Richard’s house.” She took a sip of her tea, holding the cup’s handle delicately between her thumb and pointer finger. “I wasn’t myself at all.”

“It’s okay, Mum.” I felt numb to her apology. “I’m just glad you’re going to get some help.” I stared into my cup and gently moved it around, fixating on the swirling tea and occasional tea leaf popping to the surface.

“You need to know something about Leo before you throw your life away.”

“What do you mean?” I looked at her, suddenly wary.