Shit. Now I was getting turned on.

“You had a window you could slide in there, gorgeous. You timed it right. Now Cher’s closed for business.”

So much humor was back, his reply of “Right” was shaking.

That meant I was no longer pissed or turned on.

I was angry.

“If you think with the life I lead I need some badass cop playin’ games with me, you are very wrong,” I told him bitingly.

He didn’t miss a beat, returning, “Cher, with your life and the dry spell you endured, you need a lot of things and you’re gettin’ them all from me.”

Of course, Lieutenant Garrett Merrick of the ’burg’s PD didn’t miss my dry spell.

Fuck.

“That shit’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about, Merry. I’ve been down a road where it wasn’t my choice to be on. You think for a second I’m gonna be forced down a road I don’t like where I’m at again, you think wrong. There is nowhere for this to go that’s good and you know it, just like me.”

“The only thing I know is, what’s at the end of the road we’re on is unknown. Along the way, I break through that fortress you’ve built around you and manage to extract your head from your ass, it’ll be worth the trip.”

“And then what, Merry?” I snapped.

“I don’t know, Cher. That’s the point. That’s life. You have no clue what you’ll get along the journey. But you won’t get dick you stay in one place, spinning your wheels.”

“If that place is a safe place for me and my kid, I’m good to spin my wheels for eternity.”

“You may be safe, but are you happy?”

I added a heavy dose of sarcasm when I asked, “You gonna show me happy, Merry, outside of what you can do to me when you’re fuckin’ me?”

“No one can show you happy, Cher, unless you let them in to try.”

“I open the door, is that what you want?” I asked, sarcasm mixed with disbelief now weighting my tone. “You want a shot at makin’ me happy?”

“What I want is to make sure a woman I care about is solid with her kid. That they’re safe. That the cloud of shit hovering in the horizon is not gonna rain down on them, covering them, because they’ve had enough of that. That’s one thing I want.”

His words meant so much to me, unable to hold my head up, I cast my gaze to the floor.

Merry continued talking.

“I also want to know how it feels when you wrap your mouth around my cock. And I want to wake up to you in my bed and look at you sleepin’ to find out if the shit I saw Saturday mornin’ was a dream or if it was real. That bein’, you lookin’ just as pretty as you look after drinkin’ yourself stupid and bein’ rode hard, which is the same as you look when you’re standin’ opposite the bar from me, pourin’ a drink.”

I kept staring at the floor, but I did it now breathing funny.

Merry kept at me.

“That shit is not right. No woman, not even Mia, could go head-to-head with me drinkin’ and fuckin’ and not wake up with mascara-caked, bloodshot eyes, a lipstick-smeared mouth, and a bedhead that is so far from sexy, it made me wonder why I hit that in the first place. Not you. You opened your eyes and looked ready to perform surgery, shake a martini, or ride my cock until we both found it, all a’ that with a camera crew in tow, ready for your close-up.”

Not even Mia?

No. Unh-unh. I didn’t give a shit.

I tried to turn his mind from his thoughts, and me, by reminding him, “You learn that shit when you strip, baby.”

“Then at least that line on your CV was worth somethin’; you got that outta it. Then again, baby, not complainin’ about other skills you learned through your former occupation when you finally managed to climb on top, and I am not fuckin’ with you on that. You’re not hidin’ shit from me, Cher. I don’t know if you’re tryin’, but if you are, stop. You got your head wrapped around an idea, and I get that. I get why. I get there’re a lot of folk out there who’d think that idea is spot-on. But they are not me. I do not mind, not even a little fuckin’ bit, that I got you drunk, naked, and wild, givin’ the lap dance to beat all lap dances, just as long as that’s happenin’ to me.”

“You are so full of shit,” I bit out.

“Jesus, fuck me, Cher. Seriously?” he retorted. “Due to biology being unbalanced, a session like that, I got one shot. We had one session. Seein’ as it’s clear you didn’t pay close attention, when you get more, you’ll know I liked what I got a whole fuckin’ lot.”

“So we did negotiate a friends-with-benefits deal yesterday. Is that what this is?”

“I don’t know what it is, Cher. You want me to put a ring on your finger after fuckin’ you once, I can tell you on that you’ll be disappointed. What I know is, for years, I’ve had good times with you. Friday night, I had a great time with you. Friday night. The night Mia no longer was a possibility for me. Got a lotta people who mean a lot to me, but only one took my back, and you did that more than just fuckin’ my cares away. You took my back and my side when everyone’s been tellin’ me to pull my head outta my ass about my ex-wife. You made me see it different. You made me think. You showed me what it meant to have a friend who had a mind to me and what I should expect from the bitch who owns my dick.”

That meant a lot to me too.

But Merry wasn’t done hitting me with the velvet blows of his honesty.

“What I want is more good times with you, Cher. I wanna fuck wild and I wanna laugh hard, and while we’re doin’ that, I’m gonna look out for you. More, I can’t promise. That’s not enough, then I’m still gonna look out for you. There it is. You gotta get off break, but before I let you go, you gotta know it’s your play now. Make it.”

With that, he hung up on me.

I dropped my phone to my lap and kept staring at the floor.

Merry wanted to fuck wild and laugh hard, having no clue my heart was involved.

He’d been tagging ass for so long with his heart belonging to another woman, he forgot that shit could happen, it did, and it did it all the time.

I knew two things.

I wanted to fuck wild and laugh hard with Merry.

But I didn’t need the heartbreak that would lead to in my life.

I lifted my phone, hit the text button, and tapped in my play.

I didn’t send it until hours later, when I was off shift, sitting in my running car, ready to put it in gear and go pick up my kid from my mom’s.

I hit send, threw my phone on top of my purse on the passenger seat, my eyes so dry they stung, and I set my car on course to get my boy.

* * * * *

Garrett

I’m happy spinning my wheels.

Garrett stared at the text.

Then he drew his arm back and let fly, the phone sailing through the air and embedding in the shitty-ass drywall of his living room.

He stared at it a beat before he walked out to his balcony to have a smoke.

Chapter Five

Proceed

Cher

Late the next morning, I was leaning over the basin in Ethan’s and my bathroom, stroking on waterproof mascara, when my cell on the counter rang.

I looked down at it, and since I’d seen that number before, I knew who it was.

God, my life sucked.

I hit the screen to take Walter Jones’s call.

I then immediately hit the screen to hang up.

I went back to stroking on mascara.

The phone rang again.

The motherfucker probably thought he lost connection.

I took the call and then hung up.

He called again.

I engaged and disengaged.

Done playing, I went in, blocked his number, and went back to finishing my makeup.

* * * * *

I walked into J&J’s, surprised to see the place was deserted.

Then I saw Feb pop up from behind the bar.

Years ago, when I’d first met her, seeing all that was her did not do good things for my mental health.