“I’ve heard from him more,” I joke

“I don’t swing that way, so back off.” She laughs as she jumps in her little, red Beemer.

I get in the other side and close the door. “New ride?”

“Father is feeling guilty.”

“Well, guilt looks good on him,” I attempt to joke.

“Your father didn’t,” she throws back at me, and I fall into a laughing fit. Both of us do. “Hashtag: white girl problems.”

“Oh, wow, we’re like the Kardashians.”

“Oh, fuck no, we aren’t! Hell to the no. But Brody Jenner … Damn, I would like to cry on that shoulder. You know, bond over a little dysfunction and then get all dysfunctional in his sound booth. He could spin a record. I could spin on him.”

“You gotta keep it a secret for Memphis.” I state the obvious.

“You love him, Tales.” And so does she.

“I think I do.”  That’s another lie. I know I do. Without a doubt, I know I do.

“It wasn’t a question. You love him, Tales.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to. I really, really don’t want to.”

“Why?”

I look at her and roll my eyes. “Why would you even ask that?” He’s going to hate me when he finds out, I say to myself.

“Because he loves you, too.”

“Did he say that?”

She looks over at me. “No, I did, and no one knows him like I do.”

I nod and she hugs me.

I sit in the sound booth at Forever Four in a fog, wondering what the fuck happened to me. Soar, Memphis, runs through my mind like a fucking freight train. How does one do that?

“You sound good, Memphis.” X-man walks in and sits behind me. “‘Bang Bang’ is a fucking epic jam. It’s your first chart topper.”

“We’ll see,” I say with a nod. “We all set here for the day?”

“You’re kidding, right? You have two more songs to get nailed down.” He shakes his head. “Let me give you some advice …”

“Not being rude, man, but I don’t fucking need any. I’ve got this.”

“Really? What is it that you’ve got? No, don’t answer that. Let me tell you what you’ve got.” He stands up and leans against the wall. “You have one of the best voices in the industry, yet that guitar is more important to you. Your raw sex appeal that makes the girls fucking crazy, second best in the industry—”

“Second to who?” I half-laugh, half-snarl.

“Me,” he says as if it’s gospel.

I can’t help laughing, and so does he.

“You lead this crew from the front. You don’t get pissed when River gets fucked up like Finn does; you don’t get pissed when Finn doesn’t talk for days because he is so deep in his head. He is a total D-bag to everyone around, like River and Billy are. And you don’t get pissed when Billy spouts off all the knowledge in his fucking enormous head and makes everyone around him feel fucking stupid, including me.” He chuckles, shaking his head. ”You are the lead here; don’t get hung up on a set of strings.”

“Not gonna feel natural on stage without it.”

“Believe it or not, I didn’t snatch you up because of your ability to finger fuck the six strings. It’s the voice and your natural leadership ability.”

“And because your wife—”

He glares at me. “My wife what?”

“She found me at Rockin’ Joes.”

“She knows talent.” He grabs his package. “And she is mine forever.”

I nod. “Forever Steel.”

“You’re part of that, too, man, although you put your own twist on it.” He tries to look pissed, but I know the name amuses the shit out of him. “You’re family now, and that means, if you need a kick in the ass, you’ll get it.”

“That mean I can get the ink, too?”

He laughs and nods. “You want the ink?”

“Every one of my tats means something to me. And with each one—”

“You gained some sort of clarity or a moment of self-realization.”

I nod. “Exactly.”

He muses for a minute before nodding. “I could use some fresh ink, maybe a piercing to surprise my Irish.” He looks at his watch. “Fuck it, let’s blow off and head down to Forever Steel.”

We walk out to where Taelyn is holding their son.

“I’m gonna go with Memphis down to Forever Steel. He’s gonna get some ink.”

“And you?” She smiles at him.

“I’ll surprise you.”

She laughs and nods. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Prepare yourself, Irish,” I hear him whisper as he bends down and kisses her, then kisses the baby.

“Will do.” She blushes. Fucking blushes, just like Tallia Annabelle Priest.

I can’t believe I’ve left her alone for so damn long. Fuck, I can’t believe I haven’t gotten laid in that long.

But I can’t. I’m now like that little chick with the golden hair; except, I’m not sampling porridge. I don’t need to know which one is just right. I already fucking found it.

“You ready, man?”

“Yeah.” I nod.

When we walk into the shop, I look around. The storefront tells a story of Xavier’s family. The outside doesn’t match the inside, not one bit.

The white walls display thin, black, framed works of art that are lit with track lighting. They are not pictures of tattoos, but art. One wall is full of black and white photos of people and places. It’s unbelievable how the artist caught stolen glances, private moments, and older buildings that no doubt tell stories of history and life.

The next wall holds paintings that pretty much sing. Each showcases an instrument or a stage. I notice X-man wearing a fedora and playing a saxophone in one.

“That’s you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, seems like a lifetime ago.” He pats my back. “Let me get Rico.”

I look at another wall. There are white, lighted pedestals lined up against it, all holding sculptures. Nothing whimsical or cute. Whoever did this was in a dark place. I look at the dates. It’s the same year as hurricane Sandy hit the shore. I wonder if this twisted steel is from the havoc that bitch wreaked.

There are more pictures on another wall—photos and paintings—and I recognize all the people in them. Cyrus, Tara, and their two kids; Justice, Truth, and at their feet is the ugliest dog I have ever seen; Jase, Carly, and their girls, little Bell and Kiki; Zandor and Bekah, and she is on her knees next to him; Xavier, Taelyn, and baby Patrick in front of the Red Socks stadium, him and the baby sporting Yankee’s gear, but she isn’t. Next there is Abe and Nikki; someone who looks familiar; a woman in a vineyard; and Sabato, whom I have seen around Forever Four a handful of times; and the girl, Mel, who looks at him like he’s a god. The shit kicker is he’s looking at her like that in this picture, too. Then there is Momma Joe, surrounded by all of them.

“Right there is Forever Steel, man,” Xavier says from behind me.

“Who’s this?” I ask, pointing to the vineyard picture.

“My cousin Dominic and his wife, right before she started showing.”

“Showing what?”

“The kid growing inside of her.” He laughs. “Come on, man; he’s ready for you.”

When I walk into the back room, Rico stands up. “You sure about this?” he jokes.

“I’m sure.” I pull my shirt off and lie down.

“The pain is only temporary,” Xavier says, patting my shoulder.

“But the commitment is forever, man.” Rico winks. “You sure you want to commit to this?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Just like the brothers?”

“No,” I answer. “I’m gonna rock it my way.”

“I knew you would, man.” Xavier laughs. “See you on the other side.”

Xavier leaves as I roll to my stomach. “Across my shoulders. Forever faded, grey in the background. Steel bold and black.”

“Bold and black is pretty damn close to heaven, man. Throw in some curves, and I am on it like white on rice.” Rico smirks.

“We ain’t just talking ink, are we?” I laugh.

“No, man, we ain’t.”

I lie down and feel the sting of the needle. I don’t go to the place in my head I’ve gone to before. No hiding from the pain. I feel it. I want to feel every damn inch of it. I embrace the pain, relish in it. I accept it, and I appreciate it.