“All that shit you said to me the other night.” I frown at him, and he corrects himself. “I mean, stuff, Tales, not shit. Shit, you know that.” I nod. “All the talk about me being your fantasy has sent me into my head so deeply I can’t even begin to understand it all myself. But I do know that, for years—and when I say years, I mean it—I have been drawn to you.

“When we were kids at church, your old man saw me looking at you. It wasn’t like I wanted to bang you; I was just watching you and how you acted, how the girl who smiled and was kind to everyone held herself together. I suppose I have been in awe of you since then.

“One day, your father caught me watching you and said, ‘Do you know what happens to sinners, young man?’ I told him no, I didn’t. I was a fucking kid! He looks at me and says, ‘They burn in hell.’

“I fucking laughed in his face. Hell, he preached God’s love and was pegging me at ten years old as a sinner. He didn’t think that shit was funny. I wasn’t thinking about banging you back then, Tales. I was fucking ten.

“He told me, ‘If you have sexual desires for her, you best get down on your knees and pray, young man.’” Memphis shakes his head. “I had no clue what he was talking about. Sex was far from my mind. I was into Legos or some other shit my old man bought, promising he’d spend time doing it with me and then bailing.

“I figured out about sex really quickly after that, and you, Tales, were my first fantasy. I mean, I’m not sure it was planned, but I thought about you, and I thought about sex. I thought about sex, and I thought about you. You understand what I’m saying?”

I nod and he continues, “You were also untouchable, too good for me: sweet, kind, innocent, all the things I never was. I also wanted to protect you from the little fucks who picked on you, but you would just smile in their faces like an angel. I was never gonna be good enough, so I didn’t even give it a second thought until Miami.”

I push up on my toes and grab his face in my hands. His admission, his confession, make me not only love him, but want him even more. “I hope you know better now. I’m no angel.”

“And … that’s my cue,” he groans and steps back, his massive erection prominently on display. “I’m out, Tales, like a boner in sweatpants.” He takes something out of his pocket and hands it to me. “Don’t give this up again.”

I nod, watching him walk away. Then I open the apartment door, and as I shut it behind me, I whisper, “I love you, Memphis Black.”

I look down at the phone in my hand where I have a message already from him.

See you soon, sweet cheeks.

When, I want to ask, but I don’t.

Morning comes too early. They all have lately. I toss and turn and think of what commitment and being on the road means.

I got Mads a job, hoping it would give her something to do. She and Mom are all sorts of emotional lately. Mom, she, and I aren’t on bad terms, but when I found out Mom knew for a couple years that Dad was all kinds of freaky, I was kind of pissed.

She was unapologetic and told me, when I had children someday, I would understand her choices. I’m not sure that’s true, not even sure I want kids.

Kids? I grab my phone and send Tales a message.

You on the pill yet?

I get a response twenty minutes later.

I have an appointment next week. <3

Chick doctor?

Does it matter? <3

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Some do it at the zoo. <3

Dolphin be damned, I need to see her. It’s not like I can sleep, anyway.

Dinner tonight?

You sure you have time for me? <3

I call her immediately, and she hangs up. What the fuck?

You fucking kidding me right now?

It was meant as a joke. I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. <3

I’ll pick you up at eight.

I won’t be back until nine. <3

My bad. It’s Wednesday, right? You teach the kids.

Shit, did I really just send that? What the fuck!

Stalking me? <3

Nine p.m.

***

“You’re early,” Xavier says when I walk in the front door of Forever Four.

“Yeah. I have another song.”

“Is it good?”

I look at him like what the fuck?

“What? Is it? You know whether you write shit and whether you write something good.”

“Everything I write is—”

“No, man, how about “Come fly with me”? That was shit.” He shakes his head. “Then you follow it up with “Soaring,” and that was shit and—”

“Fine, just have a lot on my mind; that’s all.”

“Spill it,” X says, pointing to his office.

We head back, and he sits down behind his desk.

“I left my vagina at home. Maybe—” I start to walk away.

“Shut the hell up and sit.”

“No really—”

“Tallia Priest, sister’s best friend. You—”

“What the fuck?” I snap

“Billy,” we both say at the same time, and Xavier laughs.

“And your parents are having problems. Add all that plus preparing to take STD to the top, and it’s hard. I get it, so spill.”

I sit down and shake my head.  I tell him damn near everything, even about my dad.

“Okay, well, that’s …” He runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head.

“Fucked up? Yeah, it is.” I feel my blood boil.

“Have you confronted him yet?” Xavier asks.

“You want me on stage or in jail?”

“I hear ya. Maybe he’s not gay.”

“Well, what the fuck, then? Was he just holding it in his mouth till the swelling went down?”

Xavier sucks in his cheeks and tries not to laugh.

“Laughing won’t offend me. I’ve been between rolling fits of laughter and ready to knock him out. The shit kicker is I say he’s a piece of shit out loud or joke around to the wrong person, and I’m labeled as some fucking gay basher when I’m not. I am bashing the fact that the asshole who raised me is a fucking heap of shit who lied to his family and ruined our lives and the life of a girl who means a lot to me.”

“I feel you.” He sits forward in his chair. “I’m also pretty damn proud that you are thinking of the backlash it would have on you.”

“And the band. Fucking wackos everywhere would be following us and ruining us before we even really get a chance.”

“And the girl?”

I look up and shake my head. “She’s the most down-to-earth chick in the world.”

“And you like her?”

I stand up and walk to the window that overlooks the parking lot. “Yeah. Known her forever, but this life … I don’t know.”

“I understand,” he says, “but how are you gonna know if you don’t try?”

I turn around and sit against the windowsill. “I just want her to stay her. How fucked up is that? I should want to shower her with gifts, help her get a place for her and me when I’m home, buy her some damn clothes that aren’t second-hand.”

“Look, it sounds to me like you want a kept woman. That’s not fair to her,” he begins, but I cut him off.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“No. You don’t want her in second-hand clothes and to have a place to tuck her away when you’re on the road.”

I laugh, and he scowls at me. “Sounds bad when you say it like that,” I admit.

“Not my words, yours.” He waits for me to explain, and when I don’t, he says, “Oh, I see how it is.”

“You see how what is?”

He stands up and walks toward the door.

“That’s it?” I yell behind him.

“Sure is, man.” He chuckles. “Sure is.”

I follow him out. “I don’t want this life to suck her in and change a fucking thing about the girl I love.”

He turns around and smiles. “Yep, I saw how it was and I get it. I also know you gotta figure it out for yourself. If it comes easy, it doesn’t always stay. You’ve got this, but like everything, you gotta work to find a way to make it happen. Now, go give me a song, not some shit.”