“You don’t know what you want,” he rasps into my neck.

“I do,” I insist quietly, rocking in his lap, grinding my hips into his, creating an exquisite, amazing friction. “I’ve wanted you all along.”

Dare pulls away, his dark eyes heavy-lidded with want for me. Warmth floods me, wetting my panties and I cling to him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” My answer is simple.

With a growl, Dare scoops me up, and carries me down the peninsula, to a place where the ground is soft. He lays me down, on his knees above me, gloriously back-lit.

“I shouldn’t,” he wavers.

“You have to,” I tell him, grabbing him and pulling him down on top of me.

His weight is delicious and perfect and he molds into me, making it seem like we’re one person as we writhe together, trying desperately to get closer.

His tongue finds mine, as his fingers explore my body, every inch, every hidden place. I arch against him, palmed in his hand, as he finds where I want him the most.

“Please,” I say softly, my breath escaping me. Dare smiles against my lips, knowing the effect on me, knowing and loving it.

He leans forward and rests his forehead against mine, and we’re so very close that I can feel his breath mingling with mine as his hands work absolute magic. Pleasure laps against me, like the water against the shore and I lose all cognizant thought, and instinct takes over.

I tug at his jeans, unbuttoning them and pushing them away, and suddenly, he’s naked and in my hand, long and thick and bare.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t think.

I can only move.

I slide my hand along him, softly, gently, then harder, harder.

He bucks into me, his eyes shuttering closed.

“I’ve waited for this,” he murmurs into my neck, as he wedges his rigidity into my thighs, closer, closer. “For so long.”

“Please,” I say again, my hand cupped around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine, so I can taste him, inhale him. He pulls off my sundress, and stares at me in the sunlight, as the light exposes every plane of my body to his searching eyes.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, his eyes glittering in the sun. “You’re so much better than I deserve.”

Wordlessly, he pulls back for a moment, and I protest, but then I hear the crinkle of a wrapper and he’s back, and he’s sliding into me and I can’t think anymore.

Motions become blurs, blurs become colors, and all I can do is feel.

His hands, his mouth, his skin. The way he slides in and out of me, the friction causing me to crest in waves, his fingers bringing me to it faster.

“I…you…God,” I manage to say, because the words I want won’t come.

Dare smiles slightly and slides back into me, moaning my name.

“I want you to know me,” he says, his voice a husky chant. “I want you to know me.”

I’m knowing him now like I’ve wanted to for weeks. Intimate and close and I can’t believe this is finally happening, I can’t believe it’s so amazing, I can’t focus, I can’t focus, I can’t focus.

The lights, the sun, the sea, Dare’s scent, his fingers, his hands.

I grip his back, where his words say LIVE FREE and I’ve never felt freer in my entire life.

And then my world explodes in a kaleidoscope of colors and lights.

I’m limp as I cling to him, as he finally arches against me and groans and says my name in a ragged whisper before collapsing against me, his head against my chest, his beautiful hands holding me close.

I can’t even answer. My legs are shaky, my mind is spinning. But as I come back to myself, as my thoughts form logically together again, as the sun hangs heavy in the sky, with the oranges and reds on the water, something comes to me. Something Dare said in the heat of the moment, exact words that I’ve heard before in my dreams.

You’re better than I deserve.

Chapter Twenty-One

My swollen lips part and I stare at him, at the face I love, at the lips that just spoke words from my dream.

It’s impossible.

Yet it’s not.

“You…there’s something…” my voice trails off and he looks at me questioningly, a smile lingering on his lips, the after effects of something beautiful.

Something that’s now tarnished by ugliness.

By confusion.

“You said I’m better than you deserve,” I say shakily, not wanting to speak the truth, because the truth sounds crazy. “Why would you say that?”

He shrugs. “Because you’re soft and honest and beautiful. You’re better than I deserve.”

“But why?” I demand persistently, refusing his answer. “You must have a reason.”

He shakes his head, still staring, still questioning.

“It doesn’t make sense,” I tell him.

“Life doesn’t make sense sometimes, Cal,” is his only reply. He takes his hand away now, the warmth gone from me, and my fingers turn instantly cool with the breeze.

It’s his turn to examine me, to study me in the breeze.

“Do you feel ok?” he asks hesitantly. “Are you… do you… you seem different.”

I shake my head. “I’m just the same. I just… those words stood out to me somehow, like I’ve heard them before, like you’ve said them before.”

If I didn’t know better, I’d say he turns pale. He shakes his head slowly, with such a strange expression on his face.

“Do you know why?” he asks strangely, an odd glint in his eye, his beautiful lips pulled tight.

“No. Do you?”

He gives me a droll look. “Why would I know your mind?” he asks vaguely, but his face tells a different story as an expression that puts my nerves on edge floods his face.

“How cryptic,” I murmur.

He shakes his head. “I’m not trying to be. It’s just… I thought… never mind. You’ve got enough to worry about right now without adding more to it.”

“Everyone has secrets,” I say blankly, my heart numb. He nods.

“Yeah. I guess.”

My blood is ice, my heart is heavy, my very being filled with terror and foreboding, when just a scant moment ago, I was filled with exquisite belonging. It’s been shattered now, by the sheer expression on Dare’s face.

“What are yours?” I ask calmly. “Your secrets, I mean. What are they, Dare? You’re hiding something and I know it. Just tell me.”

He looks sad as he looks away from me, and that terrifies me even more. My heart picks up a little as I wait, pounding in my chest, echoing in my temples.

He’s hiding something.

“I can’t tell you. Not right now. It’s not a good time.” His voice is expressionless, solemn.

“Will there ever be a good time?” I ask. He shrugs.

“I don’t know. I hope so.”

I don’t like that answer.

“We just… I… I trusted you,” I tell him limply. “And I know you’re keeping a secret and I know it affects me. I can’t…I can’t.”

My heart is racing and I suddenly feel weak, and I crawl off the slippery rocks and walk quietly back to the boat without another word. Lately, I feel more and more like I’m the crazy one, like I’m losing my mind, like the whole world is composed of secrets and I don’t have the slightest clue how to figure them out.

Dare follows me and lifts my hand to help me into the boat.

The quiet between us is loaded and charged and I don’t know why. I don’t know why I feel like I’m standing on a precipice and if I make one move, I’ll fall.

When we’re halfway across the bay, Dare sits straight up.

“Let’s go to your little cove,” he suggests softly.

He sits on the hull, his shirtless chest gleaming in the dying light, his eyes vulnerable and hopeful and I can’t say no.

Instead, I just wordlessly steer toward the cove and wedge the boat on the sand. I don’t know why, I just don’t want to stay here. I have to move. I have to think. I have to try and stay sane, because it feels like I’m fraying.