I give her a brief smile.

She wasn't the only one freaked out. I know Jovi wasn't gonna cheat on me, but that doesn't mean other dicks wouldn't fucking try. Don't believe me? Think I'm being too quick to draw conclusions? Okay. Other than the fact she's fucking gorgeous, do you remember what Madden said Ben was doing before he supposedly wrecked his car all on his own? Yeah. Ben's not the only asshole in the world to go after a guy who has a girlfriend.

The thought of my cousin causes an ache in my chest again. Pressure builds with each additional breath I take. I shake my head once more in an attempt to settle the sadness.

As soon as we're in Jovi's room, she leans her back against the door and demands, “Talk to me.” When I raise my eyebrows she snaps, “I know you, Merrick. When you're in pain, I'm in pain.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I can really feel it. I mean, I know that sounds crazy-”

“It doesn't sound crazy, baby,” I whisper.

“I've had this knot inside of me all day, I couldn't shake. After seeing you, after feeling you...I know now why.”

Just when I thought we couldn't be any more connected.

“So tell me what's wrong, Merrick. Is this about me being gone?”

Slowly I shake my head.

“Are you sure? Because it's alright if it is. I missed you.”

My voice has already begun to retreat at the idea of having to tell her. In a hushed tone I reply, “I missed you too.”

Momentary relief comes across her face. “Okay. If it's not that, then what?”

“Ben...”

“Ben...?”

The words smother out the little voice I had left. Shaking my head, I shut my eyes.

I can't even fucking say it. Maybe if I don't say it...

“Jail?”

Four letters fall from my lips through a miracle. “Dead.”

So much fucking pain with one goddamn word.

She chokes out. “What?”

My head lifts at the same moment, her arms fly around me, securing us together. Jovi grips me in a way no one ever has. It's the way Knox and Aunt Kelli used to try. The way I imagine my mom would, if she had lived to hold me. Overwhelmed by the nurturing action, it casts the final blow to the barrier that had been holding back the tears.

Jovi gently rubs my back. “I'm so sorry, Merrick.”

Uncontrollably I start to sob, shaking so tremendously my knees threaten to give out. On instinct, she clutches tighter. Rubs softer. Whispers sweet condolences, that feel like nothing more than a numbing solution floating through my veins.

I would rather be numb than feel like this.

Not sure when my arms found their way around her, I simply clutch her tighter, thankful they did. In a strangled voice I confess, “I don't wanna end up like Ben, Jovi.” Shaking my head rapidly, I pull back to look at her brown eyes that have a gloss to them, tears ready to fall for the one person who could also call themselves my best friend.

And I treated him like shit his last day alive. Fuck. Did he even know that I was just fucking pissed? Did he die thinking I didn't give a fuck about him? He did, didn't he?

“I don't wanna end up like that. I wanna live long enough to get married. To live in a cookie cutter neighborhood like this. To have fucking kids. Grand kids,” I plead. “I wanna live and spend the rest of my life with you, Jovi.”

She whispers, “I know, love.”

“I'm so goddamn tired of living like I'm about to be a court statistic for some dickhead prosecutor to use in his favor. I want out of this life. Fuck that. I need out of this life, Jovi...” Wiping away the tears on my cheek, I shake my head again. “I'm getting the fuck out of it, baby. You have my word. I'm done.”

How? Fuck if I know. I'm about to have a debt to pay The Devil and brothers who are probably gonna be hell bent on revenge. Doesn't matter. That's what I want. That's how I got in this fucking lifestyle to begin with! Because I knew that's what everyone fucking wanted from me! Because I thought that's what I wanted from me! Well I don't! I don't wanna fucking die at 23. Not if I can get out alive. Not sure if that's actually a fucking option, but I'm gonna do my fucking best to make it one.

“Merrick-”

My mouth drops to hers, desperation to bury my sorrows obvious enough for her to give up whatever the rest of the sentence was by the way she kisses back. In a mindless frenzy, I start to tug at her clothes. Within a matter of seconds, she's shedding each article as we swiftly back up towards her bed. When she falls backwards on to it, I'm right there, lowering myself on top her, fingers roaming down her thighs. On a soft sigh against my lips, she parts them. Sliding a finger easily inside her soaking pussy causes a much needed satisfied groan out of me.

“God you're beautiful,” I say in her ear before gently sucking on her ear lobe. She moans again, which is when I add a second finger, the sensation arching her off the bed. My fingers pump in a slow, but precise movement. Damn. I need her to come. I need that orgasm to wash away the despair coursing through me.

Jovi rides my fingers, nails gripping the sheets violently enough to tear a hole in them.

Fuck, I want her too. That's a story I'd wanna reflect on as we buy new ones for our first bed.

“Merrick...I'm gonna...”

“Do it,” I beg breathlessly. “Come for me. Come hard for me.”

On an intense explosion, she cries out so loudly that I wanna catch it with my tongue. So I do. My tongue falls onto hers and I suck those sounds out of her and into me. Each connection our bodies make becomes my new life line. My only reason to exist. I need more. More moans. More tongue. More of her.

In haste, I unbuckle, wiggle out of my jeans while watching Jovi spread her thighs to accommodate my frame. The subtle action causes an animalistic growl to come out of me, moments before I pounce. My cock pushes to the hilt inside of her. The invasion is rewarded with a mewl and her fingernails anchoring into my biceps.

“Merrick...” Loving the sound of my fiance, calling out my name, I thrust harder until she calls it out again. “Merrick...”

With my lips pressed to her ear, I whisper in unison with my pumps, “I need you so much, Jovi.”  She whimpers. “My life without you baby is meaningless.” Another cry. Another sharp clench from her pleased pussy. “It's like a Van Gogh painting without the swirls...”

Her breath seems to cease. The way her body is tensing warns me if I don't stop or slow down she's going to fall apart again.

You're damn right I want her to come again.

“More...More, Merrick. So close...”

Prurience pushes me to pump faster. “It's like the night without the stars, baby...dark. Empty.”

Jovi's body responds to the declaration by shattering underneath me, the passion pouring out of her in such a rate I suddenly find myself eager to come undone. Our hips continue to rock feverishly until the rhythm seems to be the only thing our bodies know how to do. Sweat seeps sealing us together.

Unable to fend off the inevitable any longer, I drop my forehead onto hers, push her legs that are over my shoulders higher, and let out an intense rumble that rocks the entire bed. Surge after surge of come fills her, so much leaving me, I fear passing out.

Can you pass out from coming too hard? Is that a thing? How do doctors deal with those patients?

Finally finished, I let out a deep sigh, eyes still shut. However, the feeling of her hand on my cheek, lifts my eyelids back open.

Jovi softly strokes my face as she says, “I love you, Merrick McCoy.”

Nestling into the feeling of security it brings, I reply, “I love you, Jovi Carter. So fucking much...”

Enough that I may have issued my own death warrant in an attempt to escape from this life to try to start a new one with her. But let's not mention that just yet, alright? Give me what might be one of the last moments like this I get.