The silence remains as my eyes drink in the old beat up brown couches they're sitting on. The crooked paintings of classic cars intertwined with a few plaques on the wall. There are holes in various walls alongside wobbly furniture.

Our house may look pristine and neat, almost like a model home you can see yourself living in, but this house looks like a home. A place where actual memories were created. Lives actually lived.

Daniel quietly announces, “I'm gonna restore his car.”

Destin lifts his head up. “Are you sure that's a good idea?”

“It's the least I can fucking do,” Daniel replies. “Need to honor his memory in my own way.”

Hayli questions from behind me at the table, “Can I ride in it when you're done?”

With a crooked smirk Daniel lifts his beer to his lips and has a sip. “In it or on me?”

“Oh Daniel,” she sighs standing up. Strutting over to him she taps his chest gently. “Ben couldn't handle me and neither can you.”

Everyone laughs while he shrugs. “Can a guy try?”

Knox tosses her hands in the air. “I swear you McCoys all have Nos attached to your fucking sex drives. You're the only men I know who would ask the nurse for a blow job on your death bed.”

“What the fuck else would you ask for on your death bed?” Daniel asks as if genuinely confused.

You can laugh. I know it's a sad time, but it is a little funny.

The conversation starts to become playful, which is when I turn to Merrick who's still picking pieces off his pizza.

He's only had a couple of nibbles. I want to ask him how much he's had to eat in the last couple of days, but I feel like I know the answer to that. I feel you do too.

“Hey,” I call to him as I get up to sit in his lap.

His hands wrap around my waist and I swear I feel some of the tension subside. “Hey.”

Gently I stroke the back of his neck. “How are you doing?”

He shrugs and holds me closer.

I place a kiss on his cheek and whisper in his ear, “I love you, Merrick. No matter what.”

The declaration seems to erase more anxiety. In a hushed tone he asks, “Even if I can't run away to start our lives together?”

Taken off guard I lift my eyebrows. “Do you mean...you don't wanna marry me?”

“Of course I wanna marry you. I'm gonna marry you. Two days from now,” he insists.

That was a close one.

“I meant...if it takes a little longer before I can...move away and spend every day with you. Are you cool with that?”

My fingers run through his hair as I tilt my head. “No matter whether you decide to come with me or stay with your family for a bit, that clearly needs you, I love you and support your choice.”

His eyes close. Merrick leans his head against me and whispers, “I love you so fucking much.”

Clutching him closer, I shut my eyes too.

He's going through enough right now without me acting like a brat about him not just up and moving right now. He needs time. Space even. I can give him both. After all, we're going to have a life time together.

“Merrick,” Vinnie's voice interrupts the calming moment.

Both of us shoot our eyes open.

“I uh...I know it's not the best time, but we need to talk about something.”

“So talk,” Merrick insists. When Vinnie's eyes cut to me he states, “Anything you need to say, you can say in front of her.”

Vinnie tilts his head to the side as he hesitates.

So I'm cool enough to know some of their business, but not all? Does that sound a little shady to you?

“Okay, fine.” Leaning down, so he's resting his arms on the table beside us, back to the rest of the group he says, “Your favor from yesterday came with some major heat from the red and blues.”

Merrick unexpectedly shifts underneath me. His grip loosens. His jaw seems to lock.

Is he hiding something from me? He wouldn't....He wouldn't do that. He trusts me. He does trust me, right? Wait. Why do you look like now you're hiding something?

My boyfriend clears his throat. “I know. How hot?”

“Hades.”

Merrick grumbles, “Fuck...”

Vinnie gives me a glance and then states, “The good news is the maid came.”

He lets out a long exhale. “Clean sweep? Beds made?”

“Whole house,” Vinnie replies.

Code! They're talking in code! In front of me...He doesn't trust me, does he?

“What was the favor?” I quietly pipe in. “What does clean house mean?”

Immediately Merrick brushes me off. “Not now baby. I'll explain...later.”

I nod and Vinnie adds, “But word is out McCoy. I know who that sexy lady was for....”

His body stiffens again, this time so hard I'm not sure anything short of a jack hammer could get him to move. In a quiet whisper he says, “I'm fucking sorry to put you in that.”

“Fuck that.” Vinnie shakes his head. “If you need another favor, do not hesitate to ask.”

“Appreciate it.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I know.”

Curious about the favor, but unsure if I should push again, I try another approach. “Is a sexy lady a car?”

Playfully Vinnie asks, “Are you a car?”

“Were you talking about an actual woman?” I squeak.

“Yes it's a car,” Merrick quickly corrects. “But today's not a good day to explain that and today's not a good day to fuck with Jovi either Vinnie.”

“Sorry,” he sheepishly apologizes. “Thought you could use a small laugh.”

“Well I can't,” Merrick snaps.

He nods and pulls out a tiny Zip-loc bag from his pocket. Using two fingers he slides it across the table. Inside there are two small, circular blue pills, both stamped with the letter R.

Merrick said he didn't use drugs other than CL. You don't think he'll start now, do you? I mean I know grieving does shit to people but...

“A little R&R in case you need it.”

Vinnie doesn't say another word before he walks away from us to grab his girlfriends. While I try to let my eyes follow him as he preps them for an exit, I can't help but notice how Merrick takes the packet and slips it away.

Did he think I wouldn't notice? Does he really think I'm that dumb? First he doesn't trust me about the favor. Now drugs? What's next?

To no surprise Vinnie's exit acts as a good time for Hayli's too. She swiftly says, “I think I'm gonna go too. Jo' you need a ride?”

“Um...” I prepare to deny her when I look down at Merrick who I feel I can't even read any more.

Should I stay? Should I go? I don't even know if he needs me like I thought he did.

“Yeah.”

Merrick questions flatly, “You're leaving?”

Okay, so no clues there. His change of emotions is giving me a headache. I know it's to be expected, but geez.

Quickly, I stand up and declare, “Yeah. You need some time with your family. Definitely some space.”

At the word his face drops to one I'm at least a little more familiar with. With remorse in his voice he says, “I'm sorry I'm shutting you out, baby. I don't mean to.”

I touch the side of his face and whisper back, “I know. It's okay. You...you have every right to cycle through all this and more.”

“Please, don't give up on me.”

“I'm not giving up on you, I swear. I'm just...trying to respect that and your emotions.”

Two mature points for me please. That's not a real thing? Well it should be!

Seeing him relieved by the way his shoulders relax, I softly smile. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Merrick nods. “I love you. I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow night.”

Hurt appears in his speech. “Tomorrow night?”

“I have a few things I need to get wrapped up before I get ready to leave and you...” I toss a glance over my shoulder at the McCoys who seem to be sinking back into somberness. Seeing them heartbroken pushes my eyes back into his. “You have some DNA who need you.”