Felicity's plan is for me to transfer to Columbia. I was confused for about three seconds before I stopped her from talking. She thought I was in love with Elliot. If I think about it, it makes complete sense. She's never met him so she has no idea how we act around each other. She hasn't seen the way we look at each other, the faces we make when we think no one’s looking. We act like school kids most of the time, poking and picking on each other. He's my brother from another mother.

I tell her about Luke. I tell her about the love for him that I've been carrying around all these years. The hope that I'll see him again one day soon. The fact that I can't help but compare every single man to him and that none of them measure up.

Once I finally found the courage to tell Felicity the truth about Luke it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. We sat up most of that night comparing each of the men I'd dated to Luke. I told her about all the similarities, every horrible kiss and every reason that I ended it with each of them.

She said that I was torturing myself.

In a way, I guess I am. I'm searching for something that I am never going to find. Not with anyone but Luke. I've accepted that. What I haven't accepted is failure. I wish I hadn't sent him that last letter. I hope it never reached him. If it did, I hope he can forgive me for giving up on him and pushing him away. I now have four more years to wait for Luke, but I will wait. One more kiss will make all the waiting worth it in the end.

Felicity also may have mentioned that I'm a little crazy.

Waiting for someone who may or may not feel the same about me anymore makes me crazy in her eyes. I think she might be right, a little bit anyway. I know that my actions are crazy. There's a reason that I never told anyone how I was feeling or why I was doing what I was doing. I knew the looks I would get. I'm waiting for that look from Felicity, but it hasn't happened yet.

"I think it's beautiful, Reagan, the way you want to wait for him but what if he's not waiting for you? I'm not trying to crush your dream, I'm just trying to keep your head out of the clouds. I'm being realistic." There's a sadness in her voice that I've never heard before. Is it pity? I hate being pitied.

"I know and you're right. There's a better than average chance that he's not waiting for me, that's he's not even interested in me." Despite what I heard Elliot tell me when he thought I was sleeping, there is still a chance that his feelings for me have changed since then. "I've thought of that a lot, but I can't shake this feeling I have. If we're not meant to be together, we won't be together in the end. I'm still young. I have plenty of time to enjoy my life and wait for him."

"So, what's next then? What's your plan?"

"It's the same as it has been all along. I'm going to have fun and enjoy the ride. I have to stop trying to compare everyone to Luke, though. I'm not being fair to them, moving from one to the next without giving them a chance. I won't let myself fall in love, though. I'm not sure there's room in my heart for anyone else. Not right now, anyway."

IT TAKES THE rest of that year and all summer before I'm ready to put myself out there again. I stick to the plan. I date, I enjoy life and I move on. I try not to let myself get too attached. I'm afraid that I might fall in love. Two months tops, no more. Felicity helps me keep my head out of the clouds and my heart grounded.

Elliot calls on a regular basis and talks to Felicity now. At first it bothered me, I assumed that he was calling to check up on me all the time. What may have started out that way has blossomed into a beautiful friendship between the two of them. Now, if I could just get them in the same room together...

After four years of hard work at Yale, I'm about to graduate and walk away with a degree in Business and a new found confidence. It's grown over the years along with me. This past year has been especially beneficial to my confidence. I took an internship at a local law firm where I studied under one of their account managers. She's recommended me to a partner firm back home.

I have a job waiting for me. I just have to walk across that stage and collect my diploma first.

My things are being packed for me. So are Felicity's. I've convinced her to come back to California with me. After spending four years with her nose in a book, she graduated with the highest of honors with a Creative Marketing degree and a Business Management degree. Her hard work has paid off two-fold. She's been offered a number of jobs recently but only one of them is in California and it happens to be close enough to me that we're going to stay together.

The moving truck leaves tomorrow morning before graduation. We're driving my car home and making a vacation of it. It's my gift to Felicity for graduation, she just doesn't know it yet. If I told her she would never agree to it. She still doesn't like it when I buy her things.

We were going to pick Elliot up and take him with us, but he made plans with James to go to North Carolina to see Luke while he's on leave. I thought about taking a detour and showing up unannounced but reconsidered when Elliot told me that this was the first time he has seen Luke in almost five years. As much as I want to see him, I also don't want to interrupt the brotherly love. Luke has three more years before his contract is over. I have no idea when Elliot will get to see him again.

My parents bought me a beach house as a graduation gift. I haven't seen it yet, but I have a feeling that I won't want to move out anytime soon. My mother has impeccable taste. Plus, it's on the ocean. Who wouldn't want to live that close to the water? After being on the east coast for so long, I'm looking forward to long walks on the beach and the warm sunshine on my face.

"What do you have left to pack," Felicity asks as she walks into my room, her hair a mess on the top of her head. She looks like she just ran a marathon.

"The movers have all the big stuff covered. All I have is my bathroom crap and I need to pack my suitcase before I empty my closet. What about you?"

"I'm done. I just finished. I think I'm going to jump in the shower and rinse the nasty off my body. Are we still going out for dinner tonight?"

Ugh! I hate going out to eat with my parents. It's the only time you see the richy rich come out in them. Add Felicity's parents into the mix and we have a collision of worlds. I can't see this going well at all.

"Did you warn your parents about my parents?" It's only fair to warn Felicity's parents. It's going to be a culture shock for everyone.

"I did. Did you tell your parents where we were going so that they can prepare themselves?" She has a smirk on her face as she asks.

"Yeah. I'm not sure they understood, but I told them." I have to chuckle to myself. I can see my mother walking into the bar dressed to the nines in all white, a look of shock on her face. My dad will be able to play it off but not my mom. She'll freak out.

We walk to the bar from our place so we can have a few drinks and not have to worry about driving anywhere. As soon as we cross the threshold of the open door, I hear my father's baritone voice and his deep laugh. I look around and find all the parents at a table in the back corner, lifting their drinks and celebrating. I watch for a minute, a smile on my face, as Felicity's parents and mine become fast friends.

By the end of the night, Felicity and I crawl our way home to bed, laughing the entire way there.

I'm sad that college is ending. I've had an amazing time here. As much as I don't want to leave, I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life. I've spent the past four years reinventing myself, becoming the person that I wanted to be. Now, I get to relax and just be that person.