"I know how you feel about her... You're both miserable." You can hear the realization in my voice.

"What?"

"I heard Elliot say it to someone on the phone the morning of the accident." Just saying his name makes me sad. Remembering him hours before the accident... I can't even put my feelings into words right now. I can't imagine how Luke feels, his last conversation with Elliot being a fight. Over me.

"You heard him? Did you know he was talking to me?"

"I think I knew, but I didn't know you were talking about me. I wanted it to be me, but then I didn't at the same time." I feel my emotions working their way to the surface so I look away from him and focus on the ceiling. I'm not sure what I just saw in his eyes, but there was a flicker of emotion that I didn't recognize. It may have been regret.

"We were always fighting. He was trying to get me to come home. I was so happy for him. I wanted to meet Felicity. I couldn't face you."

"Why?"

"I knew you would take one look at me and you would know. He didn't give me much of a choice, did he? I thought I got the last word before I hung up on him. I was wrong."

I'M NOT SURE what to say to Luke so I don't say anything at all. I can feel his eyes on me, but I resist the urge to make eye contact. I keep my eyes trained on the ceiling. If I look at him I know I'll lose it.

"There's more, Reagan. There's so much more that I need to tell you, that you deserve to know." I feel Luke push himself up and off the couch. I don't move.

"Does any of it matter anymore? We were kids, Luke. So much has changed since then." I want to know everything, but I'm emotionally drained. His being here has caused the large hole in my heart to grow even bigger. I can't take it.

"Some things have changed, you're right. Others things seem to be the same." His voice is softer than it was before. I sit up and find him standing near the doors to the patio, staring out at the ocean. "You. You've changed, but you're still the same. Elliot told me that you had changed, that I wouldn't recognize you, but he was wrong. I would be able to pick you out of any crowd, no matter what you look like."

"I'm still the same person I've always been I just bought some new clothes and put a little life into my hair." I'm defending myself. Why? Isn't this what I wanted? Isn't this why I made all these changes, to impress Luke?

"You look beautiful, Reagan. You would look beautiful in a potato sack, though. You didn't need to change a thing about you. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"It changes how I feel about me. I was sick of being the girl no one cared about. The one who was dismissed because she wore jeans and a t-shirt instead of pretty dresses. The one who didn't want to take the time to put makeup on or do something fancy with her hair every day. People never took notice of me." I stand, my words growing stronger and stronger, and make my way towards him, stopping at a safe distance. "I was an extension of Elliot and nothing else. I was Elliot's friend. Now I'm Reagan. People don't have to associate me with Elliot or anyone else. I'm my own person. People want to know me. Guys want to date me." The words are out of my mouth before I think about what I'm saying.

Luke's head falls to his chest. I hear him sigh before looking back out at the ocean. The Pacific is rocky tonight. I can hear the waves crashing ashore through the open door. Fitting. My mood is in tune with the ocean. I now understand what people mean when they say they feel a "sea of emotions" because that about covers it right now.

I'm angry. I'm confused. I'm sad. I'm happy. All of those roads lead back to the man standing in the open doorway with his back to me. The man that I've been in love with for as long as I can remember. The man who walked back into my life today after ten years of silence. The silence is what hurts the most.

"Reagan, that day in the woods... it's all I think about. You. You are all I think about. Elliot knew how I felt. He tried time and time again to convince me to come and see you, to call you. I couldn't and I'm sorry. I know now that I should have. I wasted so many years wanting to be with you but too afraid to make the decision."

"What about now?"

"I'm still scared. I'm afraid that I'll ruin you. I'm afraid that you'll hate the person I've become. I'm afraid that it won't last. That scares me the most. I can't imagine not having you in my life. You've always been a part of it." My heart yearns to be closer to him, but I will my feet to stay put.

"Ten years, Luke. It's been ten years since I've seen you. I haven't been a part of your life in ten years. Why now? Something made you change your mind."

"Elliot."

I close my eyes at the mention of his name. Even though he's gone, he's still finding a way to impact my life. "What about Elliot? I thought you two were fighting."

"We were. I called him back that afternoon to apologize. I told him I bought a ticket and was at the airport on my way home. I wanted to meet Felicity and I thought it was about time to make things right with you. He was ecstatic. It was going to be a big surprise for the whole family. James called me just as I was about to board the plane to tell me that Elliot had been in an accident. He was gone before the plane took off. I didn't tell James I was on my way home. I hid out in a hotel near the airport for a few days before heading over to my parents’ house. I was ashamed of how I had been acting. I was ashamed that I hadn't been home in years. I drove right past the house and kept going. I couldn't face them. I knew I had to eventually but I couldn't do it yet.

"I drove for a while, sorting out my thoughts. When I got back to the hotel I had made my decision. I was going to see you first and then I would go see them. I was worried about you and needed to know that you were okay. I knew there was a chance that you might not want to see me, that you might not care about me anymore even though Elliot insisted that you still loved me. I was pulling up to the house and saw him walking up your driveway. I watched as you let him in, a fake smile on your face. I thought about stopping anyway, interrupting whatever was going on, but my doubt crept in and I drove away.

"I'm lost right now, Reagan. I still love you, but I don't want to hurt you. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who won't run when things get tough. I also can't let you go. I tried. I hated myself for so long after that. I knew I was hurting you, but I did it anyway hoping that you would move on." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "Have you?"

"I wrote you." Three words. I keep my voice flat, free of emotion the best I can. I need to know why.

"I know. I read every single letter." He turns and faces me as he speaks. I wait for him to say more, but he doesn't. He stares at me, waiting for me to ask him the question that's been on my mind since I first saw him again this afternoon.

"Why, Luke? Why didn't you write me back?"

"I thought you'd never ask." He slowly makes his way to the front door, brushing his arm against mine as he passes. My body betrays me and shudders from his touch. I hear Luke open the front door and close it again. I can feel him in the room so I know he hasn't left. When I feel him approach from behind, I turn. "These are for you."

Luke drops a brown paper bag overflowing with envelopes onto the coffee table between us. I can see my name printed on the envelope on the top of the pile. He wrote me. A lot.