One more month. That's all. Then, I can leave high school behind me and move on. I'm excited to start the next chapter. Yale is going to be amazing. I'm trying to convince my parents to let me experience it like a normal student. They aren't budging at the moment. They are "concerned for my safety" because I’ll be all the way across the country.

You know, Yale is a lot closer to North Carolina than California is. You should come up and see me. Or I can come down and see you. Whatever works better.

Okay, I better get back to work on that speech. It's not going to write itself. I only have 5 weeks to perfect it. You know me, I'll work on it every day until it's time to walk on that stage. Hopefully, you'll be there to hear it. I could use a muse in the audience. Staring into your eyes while I give the speech would make everyone around disappear.

I can't wait to hear back from you.

Love,

Reagan

June 3, 2005

Reagan,

I'm back in the states. Things are busy. Congrats on Yale. I hope your graduation speech went well. Sorry, I couldn't be there to hear it.

Always in my heart,

Luke

September 5, 2005

Luke,

I did it! I'm free!

I'm sad you missed graduation. Your parents said that you were on the move. I'm not sure what that means, but I hope you're safe. The fact that you couldn't come home makes me worry. I want you to be safe. I need you to come home. You promised you would come home. I know you still have a few years but don't forget what you promised me. We have plans. Big plans! Plans that won't happen unless you come home.

I'm going to change the subject because now I'm getting emotional. I miss you.

My parents wanted me to live off campus, but I convinced them to let me live in the dorms. Did I already tell you that? I'm about ready to pack all my things. I have no idea what to take. I want to leave this part of my life behind and start over. I'm sick of being this version of myself. I want to be a better version, a different version. I think college is going to be the perfect place for me to reinvent myself. Elliot seems to think I'm crazy for wanting to change who I am. What about you? I know I'm a good person. I don't want to change that. I will still be me, Reagan Elaine Brooks. I'll still be the same girl you grew up next door to. That won't change. I just want a new image. I want people to see me as more that the little rich girl that I've always been perceived as.

I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry.

How are you? I haven't heard from you much since you graduated from boot camp. I hope everything is going well. Elliot still acts weird when I ask how you're doing. I know he doesn't know anything, but it still makes me nervous. Should I be nervous? We're both adults now. We can make our own decisions and we don't have to justify them to anyone. Should we tell him? He's your brother so I'll leave that decision up to you. If you do decide to tell him, let me know first. You know how I hate surprises.

I'm sorry my letter is so short. I have packing left to do and very little time to do it. I'm going to mail this from the dorms. I know I already sent you the address, but I thought it might be kind of cool to send it from there. Plus, I'll be there in less than 48 hours!

I miss you,

Reagan

Day one.

THE MOVING COMPANY is unloading the truck. I watch as onlookers stare as they move box after box up the stairs to my dorm room. I begged my parents to let me do it myself, but they refused. Having a moving company is the equivalent of a neon sign in my opinion. "Rich girl moving in."

I thank the moving guys and watch as the truck pulls away. There are still a few people standing around, watching my every move. I can feel their judgmental eyes on me. It bothers me because this is the stereotype I wanted to avoid. I need this fresh start.

Instead of heading up to my room, I take a walk. I head in the direction of the dining hall. The hall is only two buildings away and I’m in need of something to eat after the long flight. I grab a bottle of water and a muffin and head back to my room. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me. My first day as a college freshman. Not to mention the other things I need to get done.

I wanted to arrive a few days ago and get settled, but my parents insisted that I fly out this morning. The bookstore will be my first stop. I'm sure the line is going to be horrendous. After that, I need to head to the car dealership. My parents wanted to make sure that I had transportation so they bought me a new car. I offered to drive my car here, the brand new car they bought me two years ago, but they wouldn't allow that. Too dangerous. Finally, I want to make a trip to the grocery store. This is a new addition to my list after seeing the selections offered in the dining hall. I'm a picky eater and as much as I could stand to lose a few pounds, I might wither away if I don't pick up a few groceries to keep in the room.

I stop at the mailboxes on my way up to my room. I pull the envelope out of my purse and slide it in the outgoing mail slot. It should reach him faster now that I'm on the east coast. A day, maybe two. It depends on how often they pick up the mail. I can't imagine it's a daily task. I slide my key in the slot and open my mailbox. I pray that there's a letter waiting for me, but I find it empty. His last letter still has me on edge. I'm starting to question everything. It was the first time I felt completely disconnected from him. If a letter can make me feel that way... what's really going on? He promised to always write me back. He promised to always tell me the truth. This is the first time he's broken a promise to me. My imagination runs wild at the different reason why. I silence the crazy thoughts and try to focus on the present. I have enough to worry about. His letter is not at the top of my list today. It can't be.

I walk up the two flights of stairs to my room. Room 201. A one room, two-bed dorm that I'll share with another girl. A girl that I'll meet shortly I'm sure. I find my room easily. I requested one on the end so that it was a little bigger. Sliding the key in the lock, I listen as it disengages and then push the door open. It's exactly what I expected, only smaller.

I close the door behind me and as I'm standing in the middle of the room, I give myself a much-needed pep talk. I think I'm ready for this. It's all I've been thinking about for the last two years. Getting out of Pacific Grove and starting my own life. One that revolves around something other than people with money. I love my family, I enjoy the fact that I've never had to want for anything in my entire life, but I also hate being known as the plastic surgeon's daughter. Or, the rich girl. Everyone I went to high school with was from a wealthy family. Why was I the rich girl?

If I had to guess, it would be because there was nothing else about me that was interesting. There was no other way to describe me. Nothing else that defined me as a person.

Baggy jeans and a t-shirt were my standard wardrobe. Tennis shoes or flip flops depending on the weather. No makeup. Who was I trying to impress? No one. I didn't play sports and I wasn't part of any clubs. I didn't have time. Aside from Elliot, I didn't talk to anyone. I kept to myself. I kept my head down, worked hard, got good grades and focused on getting the hell out of there. That was my goal. Get into Yale, move across the country and find a way to start over, to reinvent myself.