I turn in his arms, twining my fingers at the back of his neck. “I love it.” I think of the mother he lost, and the alcoholic father who now sits in jail. “Just tell me it’s not painful for you.”

“Christmas was an issue for Alex, not me. He never really recovered from his family being killed in a car accident.”

I don’t miss how he talks about Alex. Never his mother. The pain of losing her seems to be shut in some tight corner of his mind. “You said Alex liked to travel at Christmas?”

He gives a quick nod. “He swore traveling with me during the holidays kept him sane. When he died, I was rarely home at the holidays, usually traveling for a work project.”

Because he was alone, like I was for the past six years.

He motions to the boxes. “I wasn’t sure how you would want to decorate the tree, so I had a little of everything delivered. But tomorrow we can go pick out exactly what you want. We can even exchange the tree if you want—”

I push to my toes and kiss him. “It’s perfect. And special. The way you always seem to make me feel.”

His hand cups my head. “ ‘Special’ doesn’t begin to define what you are to me.” He leans in to kiss me, but when his cell phone rings, we jolt apart. Chilled for no reason, I hug myself, watching Liam’s face as he digs his phone from his pocket and glances at the caller ID.

His lips thin with evident dissatisfaction, and he hits the End button. “It was Derek,” he announces. “No doubt wanting to come over and welcome us home, which isn’t going to happen.” He glances in my direction. “And I’m not giving you the chance to fix him up until I warn him.” The joke falls flat, like the mood in the room, and he shoves his phone back in his pocket.

My stomach twists in knots, and I now know what I sensed in him on the plane. I step to his side, linking my arm with his. “You’ve been trying to reach Chad and you can’t.”

His hands go to my shoulders, and the denial I hope for is nowhere to be found. “It means nothing.”

“Then why are you worried?”

“Because I knew it would upset you.”

“I told you I didn’t want to talk to him.”

“Because you were afraid you couldn’t talk to him. You thought he wouldn’t answer.”

“So you tried to call him, and I was right: he didn’t answer. Did you expect him to, Liam?”

“He gave me every reason to believe he would.”

“And he gave me six years of reasons to believe he wouldn’t.”

His cell phone rings again, and with a quick glance at the caller ID, Liam’s eyes jerk to mine. “It’s Chad.”

He answers the call and presses it to my ear, and I hear my brother ask, “How’s Amy?”

His voice strikes about a million nerves in me. “I buried you today,” I snap, walking around the tree to give Liam my back. “How do you think I am?”

“Amy!”

I hear both shock and guilt. “Yes, Amy,” I confirm, sitting on top of one of the boxes. “You planned this for weeks and didn’t tell us,” I accuse.

“I had to do this,” he insists.

I laugh without humor. “Right. And I’ll see you at the next family barbecue.”

“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re watching me,” I reply. “That’s not good enough.”

“This isn’t like last time. We’ll be able to see each other.”

“When?” I demand.

“As soon as the hoopla around me and the cylinder passes.”

My jaw clenches. “That’s a non-answer.”

“It’s the only one I have.”

“Translation: in another six years.”

“No,” he hisses out. “I hated leaving you alone, Amy. It destroyed me to know you were alone and I couldn’t be there for you.”

Angry words are on my tongue, ready to explode. But life has taught me that today’s faux funeral could too easily be real tomorrow, so I bite them back. “Just . . . just don’t die for real, damn it.”

“I have no intention of dying, and every reason to live. Like you do. When are you getting married?”

“He hasn’t asked,” I say, avoiding a topic that shouldn’t feel uncertain but does.

“Because you told him you wouldn’t until this was over.”

My defenses flare. “Do you blame me?”

“It’s over, Amy. Marry the man.”

“I need a day or two after ‘burying’ my brother to believe this is over,” I snap, irritated that he would think I could just shut off six years of worry, especially when Liam is in this because of me.

“You’ve had six years of this hell. Don’t waste another day, let alone two.”

My tension eases a notch with his acknowledgment of the past. “That applies to you, too. What about you and Gia? What are your plans?”

“To convince myself that I’m worthy of her.” He sighs. “I don’t want to hang up, but we’re about to get on a plane. Don’t ask to where; I can’t tell you. I love you, sis.”

“I love you, too,” I say, and the line goes dead. He’s not dead, though, even though that horrific casket felt like the end in all kinds of ways.

“Well?” Liam asks, kneeling in front of me, his hands settling on my knees.

“You were right,” I admit, handing him back his phone. “I needed to hear his voice.”

“And you didn’t yell,” he observes.

“I should have. He deserved yelling.”

“We can call back.”

I inhale and let it out, shaking my head. “I’ll save it for next time.”

“Does that mean you believe there will be a next time?”

“Yes. No.” I hesitate. “I don’t know what to expect with Chad. We’ll see, I guess.”

He studies me a long moment before surprising me with, “I know what you told him about us.”

I blink. “What?”

“You told him I hadn’t asked you to marry me.”

Feeling like a deer in the headlights, I stammer. “I . . . Yes, but . . .”

“Do you know why I haven’t asked, Amy?”

“I told you not to.” But some part of me is trembling inside, in denial of some fear I haven’t allowed myself to realize.

“Do you really think that I’d let your fear determine when I asked you to marry me?”

And there it is. The unrealized fear, now realized. No. He wouldn’t. Liam Stone goes after everything he wants.

“I haven’t asked you because we’re better than a proposal in a safe house,” he says. “I love you too damn much for that.”

It’s a good answer. Why do I want more? “I know you love me,” I say quickly.

“Why is there a silent ‘but’ behind that statement?”

And I know the answer, acknowledging the root of my fear now. “My life has impacted every moment of yours since we met. It seems like a poor reward for saving me in a time of need.”

“Amy. Baby. It’s you who saved me—and if I haven’t shown you that, I’ve failed you.”

“You say that because you love me. And I selfishly want you to keep loving me. But Chad reminded me of how uncertain everything in my life up to this point has been.”

I wait for a reply, not sure what I expect. He stares at me, his aqua eyes flecked with an emotion I can’t quite identify. Is he angry with me? At Chad? My fingers twist in my lap. “You’re upset.”

“Damn straight I’m upset.” He stands, taking me with him, and before I know his intent, he’s thrown me over his shoulder, his arm a bracket over my legs, and starts walking.

Shocked and disoriented, I grab at the bottom of his suit jacket as blood rushes to my head. My shoes fall off. My hair drapes over my face and I’m swiping it away as we enter the master bedroom, the lights automatically dimming to a low, seductive glow, the moonlight and stars reflecting off the river just outside the wall of windows.

Liam sets me on my feet beside the bed, towering over me a good foot without my shoes, his fingers twining in my hair, forcing my gaze to his. “We are not uncertain. I will not let your fear destroy us. I’d propose right now, but I won’t do that on the night you pretended to bury your brother. And for the record—Chad did this for the right reasons, but he handled it like hell with you. If he was here right now, I’d punch him.”