Tucking her hand under her cheek, she stared at the side of her empty bed, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do. Jason had lied, and yet she knew part of what he said had to be the truth. He wasn’t a bad person.

“Why did you do it?” she asked, not expecting an answer. It was an empty bed. She only wished that her heart wouldn’t be as empty. He’d crashed into her life, and she didn’t know what to do with what he’d left behind.

Chapter Nine

One week later

Jason stared at his reflection on set for his first scene in over a month. He was so pissed off and angry with his life. This was the first time he’d been out of his house since Sydney kicked him out of hers. Richard had been to see him every single day since, and from the moment he woke up, to the moment he’d crashed, he’d been drunk as a fucking skunk. He’d bought the local liquor store out of booze, and he’d drunk the fucking lot.

Yesterday, he’d been about to leave his studio apartment in a pair of pajama bottoms when Richard body tackled him, dumping his ass in the shower. Cold water had rained down on his ass for a good hour, and Richard hadn’t allowed him to leave. He’d been so pissed off, but Richard had pulled him out of the shit and woke him up.

“How are you feeling?” Richard asked, coming into the room, and bringing Jason out of his thoughts.

“Like shit. My head is pounding.”

“You drank enough to sink a fucking ship. You’ve not exactly been yourself for the past couple of days.”

“I miss her, Richard.”

“I know.”

“No, I really miss her. She’s not the kind of woman you’re ever going to forget.”

Richard didn’t say anything. He closed the door and sat down on the sofa. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. She’s lost to me forever. I’m not going to get a chance to be with her,” Jason said.

Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them away before they had the chance to fall.

“Nothing is lost to you unless you give it up, Jason.”

“I can’t go back to her. She’ll never trust me, and I don’t blame her.” Jason stood up. There was no point in sitting around waiting for something to happen. He may as well just get ready, and deal with the shit that was coming his way.

“Where are you going?”

“On set. Deep is waiting, right?”

“Yes.”

Removing his robe, he made his way on set. His dick was flaccid, and he couldn’t get it up. He was hoping Deep’s expert lips would get a rise out of him. It was pitiful how he was handling the shit that was going on in his life.

Wiping at his brow, he made his way toward the set. Several of the cameramen and artists smiled his way. He nodded at them, refusing to become mean even though he hated being here.

Deep was already on set, smiling and winking at some of the men who’d be fucking her that day. Jason was lucky he was second in line. He stood behind Steve who’d been working the camera for the past eight years.

“You okay, man?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“The cameras are going to be rolling. You’re going to need to step back a foot.”

Jason did as he was instructed and watched the show from afar. Keeping his gaze on the screen, he watched as the director shouted “action” once everyone got into position. Deep was receiving mail today, only she’d be the one fucking the mailman for her first shoot.

He stood for the next hour as Deep took Dwayne, another porn star, into her home, and sucked the living shit out of his cock. There was no holding back, and she went down on him, swallowing to his balls. Nothing happened to Jason’s dick. He wasn’t hard at all.

Dwayne finally pulled out of her mouth, only to turn her over the sofa, and start fucking her roughly from behind.

“That’s right, baby, fuck my pussy, make it hurt real good.”

“Moan like you mean it.” The director shouted the order out to Deep, who started to moan in the same way she always did. There was a look on her face, and Jason knew she hadn’t used any lube, and it was hurting just a little.

He thought about Sydney. She’d been so fucking wet that he’d slid into her with ease.

“Fuck, so good, I want you to come in me. Give me that spunk.”

With each word that was being said, Jason took a step back. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he could continue living a complete and total lie. Some men and women loved being porn stars. They relished fucking a new person every day, but he couldn’t be this person anymore.

He’d gone from being a thousand woman man, to one woman. No one would ever satisfy the craving within him other than Sydney. She was the love of his life.

Jason left the stage as Deep grew louder with her moans. He returned to the dressing room to find Richard playing a game.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t do it.”

“What?”

“You’re right. I had to make a decision of what I wanted to do, and up ‘til this moment I didn’t realize it.”

Richard pocketed his cell phone, giving him his undivided attention. “What have you realized?”

“I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been coming away from it more and more. The last four weeks with Sydney have been the best of my life. I’m done with this.”

“What will you do?”

“I’ve got options, and I’m going to make sure by the time I go for Sydney, I’m not going to be this person anymore.”

“Are you sure?”

“More than anything.” Jason smiled as he pulled his clothes back on. “You’re the best friend a man could ever ask for, Richard.”

“I can’t leave this life yet. I love it.”

“I’m not asking you to leave it.” Jason moved toward his friend, and pulled him in for a hug. “I’ll support you every step of the way. I’ve got enough money, and I’m comfortable with my investment. I’ve got time to do something else with my life.”

“I love you, man,” Richard said. “Are you going to get Sydney now?”

“No. I’m going to be the perfect man for her. Then I’m going to go and get her.”

****

Sydney stares down at the piece of paper in her hands, and she wished it had said something other than she was all clean. If Jason had lied, and she had some kind of sexual disease, she could have tried to hate him just a little bit.

The last week she’d been an emotional wreck, crying at every moment, hating life in the next. She’d escaped to the toilet at work every chance she got just so she could cry in peace without someone watching her.

Ben had been a welcome distraction. She’d not allowed him to take her out, but he kept trying now that she was no longer with a man. He’d seen her with Jason, and had put her emotions down to finishing with him.

“What’s the matter?” Dawn asked.

Since she kicked her sister out, Dawn just kept coming back to her. Sydney had long lost the heart to be mad at her anymore.

“Nothing.”

Dawn took the piece of paper and read the words on the page. “He was clean?”

“Yeah, he was clean, and so was I.”

“What are you going to do?” Dawn asked.

“Nothing. I’m not going to do anything.” Sydney picked up her purse and began closing her windows. It had become an endless routine of closing up her home before she left. “I’ve got to get to work today. That’s all I’m going to do, and then I’m going to come home, make dinner, go to bed after reading, then start the whole process again.”

“What’s going on with you?” Dawn asked.

“Nothing is going on with me. I’m just tired of constantly being wrong.”

“There’s more men out there, Syd. Jason wasn’t the only man who’d love a chance to be with you.” Dawn placed the letter down on the table. “Who was that guy’s name? You know, the one who works with you?”

“Ben?

“Yeah, he had a thing for you. Why don’t you give him a chance?”

“Jason was in love with me, or is in love with me, whatever the correct way of thinking is. I love him, Dawn. I’m not going to move on, and pretend to love someone else. I can’t do that.”