A number of players on the softball team play broomball during the winter, so I signed up for the Horny Toads broomball team. Ryan tells me the Horny Toads play worse broomball than softball. Our team doesn’t win a lot, but we have fun playing the game. I need a little fun in my life.

I’m existing. Some days it’s hard to get up in the morning, but at some point, the piercing pain will fade. It’s got to, because I can’t live my entire life feeling like I’m only half a person.

“Why are you wearing your suit, by the way? Is there a team event I don’t know about?” I straighten the collar on his tailored suit.

“Yeah, special team event. How’d your meeting with Financial Aid go? You okay next semester?” He maneuvers the Jeep out of the parking lot and onto the road.

I try to keep my eyes away from Union Stadium, two blocks from the ice rink. Not that Knox is there, but it reminds me of him and that hurts.

“It’s not great news.” I look down at my cheap disposable phone. “I talked to Financial Aid and they said without Mom or Dad co-signing a loan, I probably won’t get enough to cover the full cost of tuition. And since Western is out of state for us and I have to pay the full ride, waiting tables won’t cut it.”

“Can I co-sign for you?”

“No. You have the same sketchy credit situation I have.”

He squeezes the steering wheel tight in frustration. “When I’m out of school, I’ll help you pay for college.”

“Jack, I can take care of myself. I’ve got an associate’s degree. I can get a job somewhere, and I’m three semesters from getting a bachelor’s degree. I can still write. The Agrippa Learning Center plans to submit my grant almost unchanged, and if they get it, I’ll have a great resume builder. I just need you to be my brother.” I reach over and squeeze his hand.

“Do you love Masters? Like forever love him?”

I choke on my saliva. “Where did that come from?”

“I just need to know.”

Well, this is awkward. “What does it matter?”

“It just does,” he insists.

“Fine. Yes, I do.” There’s no point in lying about. I’m not exactly Miss Happy Pants every time Jack sees me. “But it doesn’t matter, because in a few months he’ll be drafted, and he’ll meet some beautiful actress or model, and he’ll forget he ever met me.”

Jack ignores my whiny comments. “No doubts about him. You okay with the way he treated you?”

“What way did he treat me? I had to pretty much assault his brother to get Knox to believe I didn’t want to see him.” I glower at Jack for his unfair accusations.

“The ban by Coach was shitty. Completely unnecessary.” Jack pulls the vehicle into the athletic center parking lot.

“Did you forget something?” I peer out of the tinted windows.

“Sort of. Sit tight.” He climbs out, but instead of running inside, he rounds the front bumper to my side. “Come on.”

“I don’t think I should be here. I’m under a ban, remember?” I look around for signs of Coach Lowe. I’m with Jack, but there could be random Warrior players around. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.

“I know, but we’ll be quick. I promise.”

“I don’t know, Jack.”

But Jack won’t be denied. He reaches in, unbuckles my seat belt, and lifts me out. “Hold your horses! I’m coming,” I grumble and zip up my jacket.

My boots make a crunching noise in the snow as we hurry indoors. We walk down one hallway and then another until we reach the door labeled “Practice Facility.” I jerk out of his grasp. “Jack, I can’t go in there.”

He turns and grips my shoulder. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” But now that he asks me, I’m wondering if I should.

“Then come on.”

It’s because of the urgency of his voice that I allow him to pull me inside. I gasp because it isn’t empty. A bunch of his teammates are there, all dressed up in their away suits. Riley is there with a big garbage bag in her hands.

Knox stands with two older people, who look suspiciously like his parents from the photos I’ve seen.

And…a woman wearing a judge’s robe.

“What’s going on?” I must have said that out loud. “Is someone from the team getting married?”

I try to remember who was dating seriously enough to get married, and why I would even get invited to the wedding.

Knox breaks away from his parents and comes over to grip my hands. “You, if you’ll have me.”

“What?” I nearly shout.

“Come on, let’s go out in the hall.” He drags me back to the doorway where Jack and I entered. I feel a million curious stares at my back, and am intensely grateful when the door slams shut.

Under the bright fluorescent lights, I see darkness under his eyes. A slight bruising, as if someone slapped him or he hasn’t slept well. Perhaps he’s partied late. He certainly has good reason to. My throat begins to ache. Why has he come here? It’s tortuous to see him in person. It’s one thing to watch him on the television. There’s something about the pads, helmet, and uniform that provide a distance. I can see him as just Knox Masters, the really great football player, instead of Knox Masters, someone who whispered he loved me and took me to heaven every night we stayed together.

Here, in the flesh, with his beautiful face looking at me intently, all I can remember is that at one time I could lay my hands on his shoulders, crawl into his lap, and tug his head down to kiss him. It’s both painful and glorious to stand this close to him, but not touch him as if he’s mine.

“Ellie, I know about Jack, the ban, all of it.”

My heart stops and then stutters to life again with a roar of adrenaline as his fingers curl around my cheek. The callouses scratch against my skin in that rough, familiar way of his.

“Then why am I here?”

“The ban is for anyone but family members. We get married and the ban is solved. I mean, yes, you can’t go to the games, but you never did anyway. There are only two games left before the playoffs: the last regular season game and then the conference title game. After we win the national championship, I’m announcing my eligibility, and once that’s done I won’t be a student athlete anymore. You can come to my pro games.”

He says they’re going to win likes it’s a foregone conclusion. The rest of his words don’t make any sense, at least not to me. “Wh-what?”

“She doesn’t believe you.” Jack pokes his head out the door. “Our parents have spent her whole life convincing her that she's second class. That she's not valuable because she doesn't wear pads and she doesn't have a penis. She's never had anyone want her that way. She's waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

I gape at Jack. He gives me a sad smile.

Knox takes my shoulders. “The only other shoe I've got has a hell of a lot of love. Some horniness, too. I love you, Eliot, and I want you to be my wife.”

My eyes start to blur, but it looks like he’s unbuttoning his coat and getting down on one knee.

“I feel like I was born knowing I should be a football player. The moment I touched the pigskin, the universe shifted into its rightful place. I felt that very same way when I saw you sitting on the top of Union Stadium all those months ago. It's why you were my first.”

He thumps his hand against his heart. “I love football, but I love you more. None of this—the wins, the glory, the triumphs—will taste as sweet without you. Will you, Eliot Anne Campbell, be my wife?”

He picks up my limp hand and slides a beautiful diamond on my finger. It’s an antique setting with a gorgeous center stone, surrounded by filigree in white gold and diamonds. The whole thing is blindingly beautiful.

I can’t believe this is happening to me. Nothing this good has ever happened in my life. I don’t have any proper response in my head. It’s a whirling, confused muddle. This gorgeous man is proposing to me. He wants to pledge in front of all of his friends and family that he wants me, the most imperfect of beings, as his forever.