“I absolve you of your brotherly duties because I’m going. I have to.”

Jackson looked at the ceiling. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

Passionate. Jillian lived her life with an intensity born of deep passion. Jackson did too, he just refused to see their shared reflection in the mirror.

*

McGraw didn’t stop Jillian from making her first trip to Portland. Jillian had no reason to believe he’d stop her from making a second trip. Although Jackson didn’t like him, he still referred to McGraw as Jillian’s other big brother. She retched a little every time Jackson made the comparison.

After landing in Portland, she rented a Jeep and texted AJ.

Done

Her nerves were frayed from the opposing friction of fear and anticipation over seeing him. She had no idea why he’d beckoned her and why it seemed to be such a secret. It didn’t matter. He was the only one who mattered as she waited in a Subway parking lot just five miles from his parents’ house.

Sarge: One hour. 2 blocks north.

“Calm the fuck down, Jillian.” She rested her hand over her chest. “It’s not like you’re kidnapping him.”

It had been too many weeks since she’d seen him. A lifetime ago, or so it felt after resigning herself to the fact that she would never see him again. She held her breath as a figure moved toward the Jeep, a dark shadow in the night.

He opened the door and slid in the gray leather seat. Jillian continued to hold her breath. He didn’t even look at her.

“Go.” The profile of the man beside her barely resembled the man she’d been with in Omaha. He’d lost weight, mostly muscle weight, and his cheekbones were more prominent against his slightly sunken eyes. No hair. No eye brows. No eye lashes.

Her gaze lingered on the raised burn mark near his left temple. She clenched her hand to keep from reaching for him. Finally, she exhaled, turning on the headlights and shifting into drive.

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere but here.”

“Home?”

He shook his head.

Less than ten minutes later he was asleep. She rested her hand on his. He didn’t move so she just drove. By three in the morning Jillian needed sleep. Somewhere in nowhere Idaho she pulled into the parking lot of a hotel and paid for a room. AJ still hadn’t moved. Jillian found herself brushing her fingers over his wrist, feeling for a pulse. A weak beat, but nonetheless, a beat.

“AJ?” she whispered several times before he stirred to consciousness. “Let’s go inside.”

With groggy eyes he surveyed the area and nodded once. Jillian wrapped his arm around her shoulder, doing her best to steady him enough to make it to the room. He collapsed on the bed and just like that, he was out again. Jillian swallowed past the lump in her throat as she looked at the shell of a man that she used to know.

After pulling off his shoes, she tucked a pillow under his head and tried to move his legs so they both rested on the bed instead of hanging off the edge. Then she sank onto the bed next to his and closed her eyes, hoping when she opened them he’d look different—stronger, more alive.

*

A moaning of a wounded animal woke Jillian several hours later. She shot up, disoriented and panicked until AJ came into sight. He coughed a few times then squinted his eyes open.

“Water,” he said with a raspy voice.

Jillian filled a cup in the bathroom and handed it to him as he struggled to a sitting position on the bed. He took it down in three large swallows.

“More.”

She nodded and refilled his cup. After drinking the second glassful, he let his eyes settle on her for the first time.

“You’re stunning,” he whispered, the dryness in his throat still evident.

Luke had told her everything was relative, so although she felt far from stunning, given her present company, she conceded to the stunning compliment.

“Thank you. You look like shit.”

AJ worked hard for a small smile. It was barely detectable, but she saw it.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He dropped his head back against the headboard.

“Well, I assumed from the nasty burns that they’ve been frying your brain, but that crazy statement just confirmed it.”

Another hint of a smile. “Come here.” He opened his arms.

Jillian stared at him.

“Don’t act like you’re afraid of breaking me. You’ve already done that … more than once.”

She wanted, needed, a smart-ass remark to give back to him, but seeing him that way broke something inside of her. So she curled up on his lap and rested her ear against his chest as he wrapped her in his arms.

“Jackson’s screwing your housekeeper.” She batted away a rebel tear.

AJ’s chest vibrated with a soft chuckle. “Of course he is.”

“She’s beautiful and very nice. I can’t believe you didn’t snatch her up yourself.”

He kissed the top of her head and another tear broke free, but she caught it before it fell to his chest. “I’m not into the pretty, nice girls. I kinda have a thing for evil temptresses who usually have a black eye or busted lip. Flawless beauty is overrated.”

Jillian smiled, pressing her lips to his sternum. “You just said I’m stunning.”

“I meant shocking. Your hair is a tangled mess, and you need a shower.”

“Fuck you.”

Another kiss on her head. “There’s my girl.”

“At least I have hair.”

“Low blow.”

She slid her hand over his crotch. “I don’t think you’re ready for a low blow. Maybe after I get some food in you.”

“You’re emasculating.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Her fingers drifted down his ribs that had become more prominent than his half dozen. “Aric James?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you running away?”

The already stagnant air in the room thickened in the silence.

“I’m taking a break.”

“A break from what?”

AJ rested his cheek on the top of her head and squeezed her so tight she could barely breathe. “Death.”

Jillian cursed her damn tears. Love hurt so much.

“I left a note next to my phone for my family. It said everything there is to say, then it ended in goodbye.”

His thumb brushed her cheek, catching a few tears. Tears that belonged to him. Tears of pain … his pain. She couldn’t stop drowning in his pain.

“When I saw you parked along the side of the road, it was the first real breath I’d taken in over six weeks.”

Every word pulled the knot in her stomach tighter.

“Greta had a Lascivio party.”

Jillian loved the way his gentle laugh tickled her cheek. If he could take a break from death, so could she.

“I knew you and your brother would rob all innocence from Peaceful Woods.”

“We’re doing our best.”

“I’ve taken you away from Lilith.”

“Their daughter is coming to stay for a while. Maybe until I get home.”

“So how long do I have you?”

The knot tightened even more.

“As long as you need me.”

*

AJ needed her. How long he needed her was the question that had a grave answer. Forever. Unfortunately, AJ’s forever had a finite number of days compared to most other people. He loved his parents and even the newfound friendship he’d made with Brooke—an amends of sorts. The only reprieve from thinking non-stop about Jillian came with a weekend visit from Cage. He loved that boy. He loved him so damn much.

His parents took him to his doctor appointments, fed him, washed his laundry, and encouraged him in his dark times that had become more frequent as the effects of the radiation began to set in. Yet he started to resent their presence in his life because it all came at a cost and Jillian was that cost.

“You’re not eating enough.” She gave him her best evil glare as he poked around at his plate of room service food: grilled salmon, broccoli, and a twice-baked potato. “You only ate a dry piece of toast and a hard-boiled egg for breakfast.”