Clarke walked over to a stool and sat down. “I’m manning up. Now go.”

Cooper looked at me and I shook my head. He sat on the floor with his back against the wall and pulled me in a half sitting position. Ryker knelt and pressed his shirt against the bullet wound in my side. Roman walked over and put his hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

Juvante plopped down in the middle of the floor. “Mama Leena is gonna fucking kill us all for this shit.”

Clarke looked at me. “I got a paycheck coming from the warehouse. Will you make sure Mama Leena gets it?”

“Yeah,” I managed to say as I drifted in and out.

***

When I came to, I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. The sky was dark outside the window. I turned my head to look around at the family filling the room. Mama Leena. Destiny. Roman and Juvante, Cooper and Ryker were there.

“Zane went to get some coffee,” Roman said when I raised an eyebrow. He looked awful. Like he’d aged years.

“No. What...” I tried to think back. “Clarke?” He wasn’t here. “Where’s...”

“Shh...” Mama put her hand on my brow. “Clarke is alive. You saved him. Foolish child.” She sighed and looked like she’d aged too.

I lifted my hand. It felt like it weighed a ton. I touched the back of her hand where it rested on the bed and she took my hand in both of hers. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I couldn’t stand the look on your face. I pushed you away because I had to. I was afraid that if I didn’t, now that I’m back in, you’d be a target for a rival gang.”

“I don’t know what you were thinking. You’re not Clint Eastwood and this isn’t the Wild West. You have a family. We go through life together.”

I managed to nod.

“Good. Now we’re going to go downstairs and get you some food. This hospital stuff is beyond nasty. You’re going to eat and then we’re having a family meeting.” Everyone filed out after her.

Juvante lagged behind. He hunched his shoulders. “When I saw you lying there with all that blood on you...” He blinked and I saw moisture in his eyes. “I thought you were dead. I ought to beat your ass right here for scaring the hell out of me.”

“Better think it over.”

“Why?”

“Because when I get better, I’ll come after you.”

He laughed. “I’ll be at boot camp by the time you’re able to stand up without falling over.”

“Where’s Clarke now?”

Juvante’s face tightened. “Locked up. The dumb shit is going down for killing Chanos. He’s already told the cops he did it on purpose. He’ll be lucky to see the free sky by the time he’s an old man.”

I turned my face toward the wall. Clarke had stepped up to try and give me an escape route. My brothers had put themselves in the line of fire not caring if they lived or died for me. Then I did something I hadn’t done since I was five years old. I cried. For my brothers. For the death of my mother. For the things I’d seen I should never have had to deal with. For the things I’d done that I shouldn’t have done. For the hearts that I’d broken. For the pain of missing Tana.

Juvante poked me in the leg and whispered in a choked voice, “Pussy.”

I looked at him and tears were tracking down his face. I tried to laugh, but it hurt. I held my hand up and Juvante clasped it. “Yeah, man. Love you, too.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

TANA

College was a lot harder emotionally than I’d anticipated. I missed my family. I ached for Ryan but I was working on forgetting him even though I suspected it was going to be an impossible task. There was no forgetting a guy like Ryan Collins. I would have to stop breathing first.

Now that it was January, I was starting my second semester and I was a little more adjusted to my life of classes, studying and doing my best to avoid partying with Shelby. But I’d never adjusted to not having Ryan in my life. There was a missing piece. I wasn’t in the mood to be surrounded by people laughing and hooking up and I had to work hard to keep the pretense up that I was okay.

Without knocking, Shelby flung open my door and made a beeline for my closet. She and I had been lucky enough to get one of the two rooms with a living space in Patriot Hall. With the dorm being coed, Shelby was in her element surrounded by good looking guys.

Pulling out a black dress, she held it against her and said, “Borrow this?”

I closed my textbook. “That’s the third party this week and it’s not even the weekend.”

“I know but I’m young and finally free from my golden cage. I’m making up for lost time.”

“It’s supposed to snow tonight. You might want to wear boots with it.”

“I will and I’ll find someone warm to snuggle up with.”

“Have fun.”

“Come with me.” Shelby dropped the dress onto the back of the desk chair and plopped down on the end of the bed. “You’d have a lot more fun if you’d let go of Ryan.”

Hearing his name squeezed my heart. “I have let go.”

She arched her eyebrows.

“Okay, I’m working on letting go,” I corrected. “I haven’t talked to him or heard from him since I saw him at the hotel after he was beaten. I even told Brooklyn to never tell me any news about him.”

“It won’t be over until you go out with someone else. I know that a few guys have asked you out.”

“They’re just not...I don’t know...they’re not—”

“Ryan?”

“I told you that I’m working on letting go. I’m getting closer.” Even I could hear the lie in my voice.

“Then prove it,” she challenged and grabbed my hand. “Come to the party with me tonight. It’s what you need. Have a few drinks, dance and be with someone other than Ryan.”

I mulled over her idea. On the one hand, I didn’t want to go. But on the other, I really didn’t want to spend another night studying. Maybe she was right. Maybe going to a party would be good for me. “Okay, you have a deal.”

Shelby squealed and hugged me. “Do you want to borrow the dress to wear that I was going to wear?”

I laughed. “No, I’ll wear my red one.”

“You won’t regret this.”

“Famous last words.” I slid from the bed to get ready for the party.

*

RYAN

“It’s like living with Bigfoot. Everyone knows I have a roommate, but no one ever sees him.”

I looked at my roommate, Lewis. “I’m not really the party kind of guy.” Not anymore. Not after what I’d been through in the months prior to arriving at Bayside. I’d missed the first semester because I’d had to recover from the showdown with Chanos. I’d survived. He hadn’t. And Clarke was paying the price with years of his freedom.

Abraham had bought his cousin’s garage near the college and I worked it part time while taking a few business management classes. Ryker was moving up to join me at the garage and he’d be here in a few hours and I was glad I’d have at least one of my brothers around. Cooper couldn’t leave Michigan yet because he was still on parole, but I hoped he would once that was over. Juvante had left for the Marines. We were all going our separate ways for the time being but we’d always be a family. Always be there for each other. I knew that now.

“Okay. I didn’t want to say this, but you leave me no choice. I heard Tana will be at the party.”

The air grew heavy and I nearly stopped breathing. I quit writing the letter I was working on to Clarke and looked at Lewis. We lived together in a house near the campus that had been divided up into apartments. He’d lived all his life on a farm in Iowa in a small town that he’d laughed and said consisted of mostly his family members. In his plaid shirt, high water jeans and black eyeglasses, everything about Lewis screamed nerd. But he’d become a friend and had proven himself trustworthy on more than one occasion. I’d made the mistake of telling him about Tana one night after he’d hounded me for a reason why I wasn’t hooking up. “It doesn’t matter if Tana will be at the party. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”