“That’s fucked up.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? You didn’t do anything.” I looked at him. His eyes were sad but gray—the sky before a thunderstorm.

“I’m sorry you’ve never been able to share your feelings with your friends because you think they’ll be mad at you and end the friendship.”

“It makes life easier.” If my eyes would have given off laser beams, there would have been a puddle of water at center ice.

“Does it? I would think that’s a lot to keep up. Must be exhausting.”

“I keep the peace.”

“At what price?”

I shrugged again.

“I think the flying-under-the-radar bit is a total smoke show. It’s fake. You want people to notice you, to care about you. You think you have to suppress your feelings because you don’t want to lose anyone else. You don’t want people to think you’re looking for attention, yet you desperately crave attention because you are missing the two fundamental people who fill that need for a child. It’s okay to say what you want and feel what you feel, Audushka. It’s not weak. Keeping people at a distance will lead you to a very lonely life.”

“I’m gonna take a walk.” I got up from my seat. I needed to get away.

Aleksandr grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. “You don’t have to run away from me. I won’t be mad if you open up.”

“I don’t open up, so don’t take it personal.” I balled my hands into fists—in frustration—I wasn’t going to punch him or anything.

“Is talking about something that scary?” Aleksandr asked, uncurling one of my fists and lacing his fingers with mine.

I nodded.

“I would be jealous if a girl I liked chose someone else over me.”

“But that would never happen because you’re a hot Russian hockey god.”

Aleksandr choked out a laugh. “What?”

Tension relieved. Exactly what I wanted.

“Sasha, I’m not interested in Drew anymore, haven’t been in years. It was the realization of who he was dating that shocked me. He’s dated girls before. But for him to choose one of my best friends. I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that sucks.”

“Isn’t there an unwritten friend rule? You can’t date the person your friend had a major crush on for years?”

“I have no room to talk. I stole Gribov’s choice.”

“What?” My head snapped to face Aleksandr. Just hearing Gribov’s name made me think of his rude gesture in the locker room. What kind of guy jiggles his junk at someone?

“He called dibs on my new translator if she was a hot female. But I stole you, so I can’t say I follow that rule. You’re the one who said all’s fair in love and war.”

“Gribov called dibs on the next warm female body. I can’t say that’s very flattering.”

“You should be very flattered. He said the first translator Zhyena interviewed was a dog. And she modeled for someplace or other, so she said.”

“This is a ridiculous conversation.” Although a twang of pride hit me, hearing him say they’d interviewed another translator. I thought I’d gotten the job because Orlenko and Grandpa were such good friends.

“You’re right. I don’t want to talk about him.” Aleksandr leaned over and brushed his lips across mine so lightly it was painful. “Just promise me you’ll always tell me what you’re feeling. I’m not going to leave you if you speak your mind. Trust in me, Audushka.”

I nodded, my lips sweeping across his as my head bobbed.

“I don’t want you to be on tiptoes around me. Not unless you’re reaching to kiss me.”

I pressed my lips to his firmly. I had no other answer. I appreciated his effort, but he couldn’t erase a lifetime in a few minutes.

—

After the game ended, Aleksandr drove me back to my grandparents’ house. He pulled into the driveway, put his Jeep in park, and turned off the engine. Then he reached around and pulled a small plastic bag from the backseat.

“Your Christmas present,” he explained as he handed it to me.

“Sasha, you took me to the game. I don’t need anything else.”

“Please.”

“Why not give it to me on Christmas? You should come over and have dinner with me and my family.”

“I have plans.”

“Oh, well, okay. I was worried you’d be alone.” I played with the hem of my Red Wings jersey to hide my disappointment.

Aleksandr cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting my face to his. “You worry about me?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know you don’t celebrate Christmas, but it’s still a day of family time, and since you don’t have any family here, I wanted you to have somewhere to go.” I tried to look away but couldn’t, since he was still holding my face.

Aleksandr moved forward to kiss me. “Thank you for thinking of me, Audushka. You have no idea what that means to me.”

“It’s not a big deal.” I shrugged out of his grasp.

“Here.” Aleksandr pushed the bag into my hands.

Inside was a small black box. It looked like a ring box. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jumping to any crazy conclusions; ring box was the best description. Definitely a jewelry box. I lifted the lid to find a small, gold Pilots-logo charm.

“This is awesome,” I whispered, touching it with the tip of my finger. “I love it. Thank you.”

“You always wear the same chain and charm, so I thought this might fit on there with it.”

And just like that I was done for.

I put my hand to my neck, fingering the gold chain and charm that had belonged to my mother. It was a delicate owl with two tiny amber stones for eyes. I had to assume my mom liked owls because there was also a latch hook owl hanging on the wall in the basement of my grandparents’ house that she made. I wasn’t a huge fan of owls, but it was the only piece of jewelry I owned that had belonged to her.

“This is the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received,” I told him, meeting his eyes.

“It was something I knew you’d like.”

I leaned over, giving him a tight thank-you-for-the-best-gift-ever hug. When I pulled away, I glanced out the car window to see all the lights on in the front room of my house. I was positive my grandma was watching through the window.

“Thank you for this.” I shook the charm. “And for a wonderful night. Tonight was great.”

“You’re welcome.” He seemed happy that I was happy.

I didn’t want to get out of the car without acknowledging what I had realized.

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about your parents and your fears. Thank you for understanding and being patient with me. You’re the kind of friend I didn’t even know I needed.”

“Friend?” His shoulders shook, and a low laugh left his lips. “Well, you are the friend I needed, but hadn’t been able to find.”

“See ya later, Sasha.” I swung open the door and heaved myself out.

Chapter 13

“I can’t fit one more thing in my stomach,” I groaned, leaning back in my seat at our kitchen table where I’d just finished my second piece of pumpkin pie. The first should have been enough, after the huge meal Grandma had cooked, but I’d cut myself a tiny sliver initially, so I’d gone back for more.

“I can tell. Those pants are pretty tight,” my cousin, Jeff, teased.

“Shut up.” I grabbed a homemade buttermilk biscuit out of the basket next to my plate and whipped it at him.

Uncle Rick reached out and, with amazing catlike reflexes, nabbed the biscuit from the air. “Well, now just because you’re full doesn’t mean you have to waste food.” He bit down on it.

“I’m gonna barf just watching you,” I told my uncle, covering my mouth with my hands.

There were ten people gathered for Christmas dinner at my grandparents’ house. We were all laughing and teasing each other, like normal, but I wondered how many of us felt a twinge of sadness knowing it would be the last Christmas dinner we’d ever have here. So many vibrant memories lived in this house. The house where my grandparents raised my mom and Uncle Rick. The house where they’d raised me.