This morning when I confessed to my dad the reason why I’ve been lying down so much, not only did the colour completely drain from his face, but he had to reach out and grab hold of the table because his legs threatened to give out from underneath him. I knew in my heart my concerns were founded. I’m only twenty-two years old. I haven’t even experienced all that life has to offer.

I don’t want to die.

••••

An hour later we leave the doctor’s surgery. It’s safe to say my stomach is in knots. I have to fast from midnight tonight and be at the hospital by 8:00am tomorrow for a blood test and a CT scan. The doctor seemed quite concerned by the duration of my headaches and, of course, my family history. He called the hospital before we left to arrange my appointments for the morning. Dread fills me when I think about everything I’m going to have to face tomorrow.

We’re both silent on the drive home. Carter held my hand from the minute we entered the doctor’s room and didn’t let go until we left. He has no idea what having him by my side means. I’m still angry that he brought me here against my will, but I understand why he did. I’m grateful that he cares enough to make me come.

“How you feeling?” he asks when we pull into the driveway. I shrug. Numb would be the best word I guess. “It’s going to be okay,” he says reaching over the centre console and squeezing my leg. I appreciate the sentiment behind his words, but is it going to be okay? Am I going to end up another statistic, just like my mum? Tears burn my eyes when I think of what this is going to do to my dad.

“I need to go and talk to my dad,” I say, my voice cracking. I remove my seatbelt and reach for the handle on the door. “Thanks for forcing me to go against my will, I guess.” What else can I say to him? This is exactly why I didn’t want to go in the first place.

I don’t want to know.

Carter removes his seatbelt and quickly exits the car. Before I know it, he’s opening the passenger side door and pulling me into his arms. He squeezes me so damn tight I think I’m going to bust. When he eventually lets go, he cups my face in his hands. The look I see in his eyes is almost my undoing. I can’t break down in front of him. He’ll think I’m weak.

“Whatever happens tomorrow, I promise you we’ll get through it together.” That’s all it takes for the dam to burst. Shit. I’ve been trying to keep my emotions at bay since we left the doctors. I inhale a large breath to force the tears back down, but as I do, an ugly sob escapes me. “Fuck,” he says as he engulfs me in is arms again, pinning the side of my face against his chest with his hand. I hear the erratic beat of his heart as his body trembles against mine.

••••

Carter is on my doorstep at 7:00am. I never asked him to come with me this morning, but I guess he’s invited himself. My dad didn’t take the news too well last night. Carter insisted that he come with me to break it to him, but I felt it was something I needed to do alone. I hate that my dad has to go through this all over again.

When his shoulders slumped and he buried his face in his hands and cried, it broke my heart. That was when I realised I need to fight this with everything I have. I need to be strong for him. No matter how I’m feeling on the inside, no matter what the outcome of the tests, I have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it the best way I can.

“You don’t have to come with us this morning,” I tell Carter when I answer the door. “My dad has taken the next few days off work to be with me.”

“Well tough, I’m coming as well. For both of you,” he says as he pushes his way past me and enters the house. His pigheadedness should piss me off, but it doesn’t. I find myself smiling at his retreating back as he walks down the hall towards the kitchen. I may or may not be in for the fight of my life, but it’s good to know if I am, I’m not alone.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Carter

Once all the tests are completed, we have to wait two agonising hours for the results. After Indi’s mini breakdown when we arrived home from the doctors yesterday, I was worried how she’d cope today, but she’s been a real champ. I’m proud of her. Surprisingly, I’d say she’s faring the best out of the three of us.

Her dad has been quiet since I arrived at their house this morning. He’s barely said a word. When she was taken in for her tests, he paced the corridor until she came back out. It tore at my fucking heart. I can only imagine what this must be like for him. Indi’s all he has left.

As we sit here waiting to hear her fate, my stomach is churning. Ross’ leg is bouncing up and down nervously, and Indiana is sitting there as cool as a fucking cucumber. That both astounds and worries me. Fuck I pray we get good results.

“The doctor will see you now, Ms. Montgomery,” the nurse says appearing in front of us.

“Good luck, Pumpkin,” Ross says grasping her hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Everything is going to be okay, Daddy,” she replies smiling. Now I understand why she’s been acting so calm today. She’s doing it for her dad.

“This way,” the nurse says gesturing with her hand for Indiana to follow. We both stand at the same time.

“I’ve got this, Carter,” Indi says, turning her head in my direction. “I’ve already discussed this with my dad. I’m going in to get the results alone.”

“You discussed it with him, not me. I’m coming whether you like it or not,” I snap. She’s not fucking doing this alone.

“Or not,” she says narrowing her eyes at me. It brings a smile to my face. I reach for her hand and lace my fingers through hers.

“We’re doing it together. End. Of. Story.” She tries to pull her hand from mine, but I tighten my grip. I don’t think so. When she realises I have no intentions of letting go, she sighs.

“Fine, you stubborn arse,” she mumbles, making me chuckle.

“Takes one to know one,” I whisper in her ear as I follow her into the doctor’s room. She pinches my hand spitefully and I smile. I love her spunk.

“Take a seat,” the doctor says when we enter. “I’m Doctor Emmerson, the oncologist here at the hospital.” After the introductions, we’re seated. My eyes drift to Indiana. From the outside she looks so calm. Reaching over, I grasp her tiny hand in mine again. When I feel it trembling, I know she’s anything but. It tugs at my heart. Please let her be okay. “I have your results back,” he says, the passive look on his face giving nothing away. Fuck doctors and their poker faces. At least if his expression gave a hint of what was to come, I could prepare myself. Then he goes and says the exact words I’ve been dreading. “Indiana, I’m sorry …” That’s all I hear as the rest of the words are drowned out by the thumping of my heart. I feel Indiana’s grip on my hand tighten.

Noooooo! This can’t be fucking happening.

••••

Our sombre faces say it all. Devastation. I offered to drive Ross’ car home from the hospital. He was in no state to get behind the wheel. I listen intently as Indiana recounts everything the doctor told her. Everything I missed as my world around me crumbled.

She has a tumour. On a positive note it’s small. The doctor’s pretty confident if they find no other cancers, six weeks of radiation therapy may be all she needs. He assured her it’s the best solution for her particular diagnosis. It cuts out all the unnecessary risks associated with brain surgery.

Ross doesn’t respond to anything Indi says. I glance at him in the rear view mirror, and the pain, shock, and disbelief that this is happening again, is plain to see. He’s usually so tough, so put together. It brings a lump to my throat. To find out your only child has the same disease that killed your wife would be a pretty hard pill to swallow.