“If you’ll have me, I’d love to come and stay with you again.”

“Next week? I thought maybe we could stay in Sydney for the weekend, so you could spend time with your dad. I could bring you back with me Sunday night.” I’m thrilled he wants me back here so soon.

“It sounds wonderful.” I turn my body to face him, wrapping my legs around his waist. “But, I don’t want to put you out. I don’t want to disrupt your life any more than I already have. You’ve been so good to me.”

“Hey,” he says cupping my face. “Having you here hasn’t disrupted my life at all. Only enhanced it.” His words make me smile.

“I love you,” I reply bringing my mouth down on his. I love him with every fibre of my being. He’s been a wonderful distraction from what lies ahead, and has taken such good care of me. I hate that we have this illness looming over us, but just having him around helps more than he’ll ever know.

“Please say you’ll come back with me next week then,” he whispers against my mouth as he grasps my hips, pulling me forward so our bodies are flush.

“Okay. I’d love that.”

“That’s my girl.” I feel his lips curve into a smile against my mouth. I love being his girl. Threading my hands into his hair, I deepen the kiss. Carter groans as he slides his tongue into my mouth. “Jesus, I wanna fuck you so bad right now,” he growls.

“Then do it,” I say breathlessly.

“I can’t, I don’t have a condom.”

“I’m on birth control, Carter,” I say pulling back to look at him. “I’ve only ever been with one other person, and we never had unprotected sex. I want to experience that with you.”

“I’ve never had unprotected sex either,” he sighs, “but it’s too risky. I can’t take that chance.” His words sting. Is the possibility of having a child with me so repulsive?

“Fine,” I say trying hard to mask my hurt, but failing miserably. I lift myself off his lap and go to turn, but he holds me still.

“Don’t,” he growls. “Don’t you dare pull away from me, Indi. You know about my past. You know I’d never want to bring an illegitimate child into this world, and risk him being tainted like I was.”

“Carter,” I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. It’s just …”

“Shhh,” he whispers, brushing his lips with mine. “Don’t think for a minute that I don’t want to experience that with you, because I do. I just can’t take that chance.”

“You could always pull out before you come.” I raise my eyebrows hopefully. I want this with him.

“Fuck,” he groans taking me in his arms again. “You drive a hard bargain, babe.” When his hands slip below the water and between my legs, I know I’ve won. Tilting my head back, I moan as his fingers circle my clit. “I’ve always wanted to feel what it was like to go bare back,” he whispers against my neck as his tongue trails a path up to the sensitive part behind my ear. “Only with you. It will only ever be you, Indi,” he breathes, gripping my hips, lifting me up slightly before pulling me back down and impaling me with his dick.

“Ohhhh, yes,” I moan as he fills me completely.

“Sweet Jesus,” he groans as his eyes roll back in his head. “You feel like fucking heaven.”

Ditto Mr. Reynolds. Ditto.

••••

Carter ordered some takeout Chinese food when we got out of the bath. After we eat, we end up snuggling on the sofa; me between his legs, my back to his front with my head lying on his chest. His fingers make lazy circles against my temples. It feels amazing. I love how he cares for me.

“How are your headaches going today?” he asks.

“They’re okay,” I lie. “Manageable.”

“Do you want me to get you some headache pills?”

“No. What you’re doing with your fingers is fine. The pills don’t really help anyway.” My confession makes him exhale a loud breath.

“I know you’ve been putting it off, but we really need to go over that information the doctor gave you. We might have some questions for him tomorrow.”

“I guess,” I sigh. He’s right. I have been avoiding it. I didn’t want it to spoil my time here with him.

“Where is it?” he asks lifting me off his chest so he can stand.

“Bottom of my suitcase.”

When he sits back beside me he opens the envelope, pulling out all the paperwork. He passes me half, keeping the rest for himself. I look over at him and smile. “What?” he asks shrugging. “I’m not letting you read them all on your own. I’ll read these, and then we’ll swap notes.” God I love how invested he is in this.

“I just love you. That’s all,” I say leaning over and brushing my lips with his. “You’re amazing.”

“I love you too, Indi. So much.”

An hour later, I place my pile on the coffee table. All this reading is making my headache intensify. It’s very daunting and way too much information to take in. “You okay?” he asks. His brow furrows as he studies me.

“Yeah. I just need to take a break. The reading is hurting my head.”

“Come here,” he says pulling my head down on his lap. “Close your eyes. I’ll keep going.” I sigh when he uses his free hand to massage my scalp.

“Mmmm. That feels nice.”

I wake bathed in darkness. I’m in bed. Rolling over I reach out for Carter, but he isn’t beside me. Looking at the bedside clock, I see it’s 1:30am. Throwing back the covers, I go in search of him. When I enter the main room I smile. He’s still sprawled out on the sofa reading. Papers strewed all around him, a pen between his teeth and a notepad on his lap. Guilt consumes me. I feel bad that he’s still up doing this while I’ve been asleep.

“Hey,” I say walking towards him. “Come to bed.”

“I’m nearly done,” he replies, looking up at me and smiling. He picks up the notepad off his lap and jots something down before placing it beside him. He opens his arms when I reach him, pulling me down onto his lap.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” I say snuggling into him. I look down at the notepad and see it’s filled with writing. “What’s all this?” I ask.

“Just some questions for the doctor and things I need to buy once the treatment starts.”

“What things?”

“Just some special food you’ll need … stuff like that. You have to be careful what you eat during the treatment. They advise to eat healthy foods and stay away from sweet things, but not me, of course.” I laugh at his comment.

“Just let them try and keep me away from you.”

“I’d never let that happen, babe,” he chuckles, placing his lips on my cheek. “Since the radiation will be going straight to your head, you’ll have to been extra careful with your oral hygiene. It can affect your teeth and gums, so you can’t eat anything too hot or too cold. I’ve made a list of all their suggestions for you to go through. We have an amazing Growers Market up here every Sunday. They sell all fresh produce. When the treatment starts we can go there and stock up on all your favourites.” Tears rise to my eyes. What did I do to deserve someone so wonderful?

“Thank you,” I sniffle as I wrap my arms around his waist. I can’t even put into words how amazing he is. “Leave the rest, I’ll go over them in the morning before we leave. I need you in bed with me.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he says, standing with me still in his arms. “There’s no place I’d rather be, than beside you.” Flicking off the light switch with his elbow as he passes, his lips capture mine as he carries me back to bed.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

One month later …

Carter

We’re in week three of the radiation therapy. The oncologist put Indiana on a course of radio-sensitising drugs the first week of treatment. They apparently make the cancer cells more sensitive to the radiation, helping to kill them off faster. She’s going great guns, but it’s been a tough few weeks.