“Sorry to hear that, mate,” he replies giving me a sympathetic smile. “You’re not gonna fuck up my tattoo are ya? I’ve never seen you like this. You keep spacing out … and frankly, you look like shit man.” I give him a half-hearted chuckle. I feel like shit too.

“I’m not gonna fuck up your tattoo,” I snap. Well I fucking hope I don’t. Get yourself together Reynolds. No more words are spoken as I start working on his arm. I’m not getting into my personal crap with my clients. That’s not how I roll. I’ve always been a private person. I do need to pull my shit together though. This whole situation is taking its toll on me. On all of us.

It kills me to see her so sick. I know this treatment is going to make her better in the long run, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. I even pulled the doctor aside at the hospital this morning and explained the situation to him while she was in the shower. He assured me that everything she is going through is normal.

Nothing about this seems normal to me.

Thankfully, I get through this job without fucking it up. When I follow Marcus out to the front desk, my phone rings in my pocket. My heart races for some reason. I’m on edge after everything that happened yesterday, I guess.

Pulling it out I see Ross’ name flashing on the screen. He’s probably just checking up to see how Indi is doing. “Hi, Ross,” I say.

“Hi, son. I just got a call from Indi. She wants me to come and get her. What in the hell is going on?”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Indiana

After getting off the phone with my dad, I get my suitcase out of the wardrobe and place it on the bed. My heart is heavy, but I know I’m doing the right thing. I hope Carter understands. It’s going to take my dad a few hours to drive up here, but I want to be organised when he arrives. If I get it done now, it will give me extra time to spend with Carter before I leave.

As I open one of the drawers, I hear the front door slam before Carter comes barreling into the bedroom. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he screams, making me jump. Shit he knows. Turning to face him, I can clearly see he’s hurt. My dad must’ve called him. Damn him. That’s the last thing I wanted. I would’ve liked a chance to explain it to Carter myself. I’m furious with my dad for interfering.

“It’s not what you think, Carter.” I speak in a soft, calming voice as I walk towards him.

“You’re leaving me?” is all he says, exhaling as his shoulders slump. The look on his face is one of complete devastation. It breaks my heart.

“I’m not leaving you, Carter. I’m just going home for a few days to give you a break. I’m worried about you. You’re not eating or sleeping properly. I’m interrupting your work … your life. I hate that you’re constantly worrying about me. I’m responsible for everything you’re going through. It would be selfish of me to stay under those circumstances.” I’m trying to reassure him as I speak. My arms reach out to him, but he pushes them away and steps back.

“You think I’m gonna worry any less when you’re two fucking hours away?” he yells, making me flinch. He’s never spoken to me so harshly before. The anger is rolling off him. When his hands thread through his hair, tears rise to my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go down.

“You don’t need to do this, Carter. You didn’t sign on for this, I get that. I know what type of man you are. I know you’d never walk away, even if you wanted to. I’m giving you an easy out here.”

His hand reaches for me, roughly wrapping his fingers around the top of my arm as he forcefully tugs me towards him. “Listen to me,” he snarls, getting up in my face. “I’m gonna say this once and once only. I fucking love you, Indiana. For better or for worse. I don’t want a fucking out. Do you hear me? Don’t you dare make decisions based on what you think is best for me. Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I ... I,” is all I manage to get out. I can no longer hold the tears at bay as they freely flow down my cheeks. His face drops as soon as he notices them. He quickly lets go of my arm, pulling me into a crushing embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers in a much calmer voice, “but you’re not fucking going anywhere, Indiana. That’s final.”

“I feel like I’m dragging you down with me. I don’t want to do that,” I cry into his chest. This whole situation is just too much. Pulling back from me, he cups my face in his hands. The anger that was in his eyes a few moments ago is now gone.

“You could never drag me down, babe. You’re my sunshine. Don’t you see that? Even with everything going on, you still brighten my day. I’d be fucking lost without you here.” He pulls me into him again, practically crushing me. “I promised you right from the beginning that we were in this together, and I meant every word. Please don’t leave. I need you here with me.”

When he finally let’s go, he grabs my hand and drags me towards the bed. He sits on the side of the mattress and pulls me down onto his lap, wrapping me in his arms. “We’re not leaving here until we sort this shit out,” he demands.

••••

We sat there for over an hour until everything was out in the open. I agreed to stay on the condition he pull back a bit, and stop letting my illness take over his life. Reluctantly he agreed. When I told him I needed to call my dad and tell him not to come, he said, “Don’t bother. I’ve already told him you’re staying.” Ugh! Presumptuous arse. I called my dad anyway, reassuring him that everything was okay.

Carter begrudgingly ended up going back to work. Later that night, there was no mention of what happened. We’d both had our say and had put it behind us. After dinner, we snuggled on the sofa and fell into easy conversation. Nothing deep. Nothing about my illness. Just normal, everyday things. It was nice.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says. Okay, this could be dangerous.

“About what?” I ask sceptically.

“Justine was talking about some girly spa place she goes to. Why don’t you let me book you in for a pamper day? It will do you good.” I tilt my head back and smile up at him, shrugging at the same time.

“I don’t know. It sounds lovely, but that’s something Meg and I always used to do together. It’ll be no fun on my own.”

“I could come with you.” I start laughing as I roll onto my stomach to face him.

“You’d go and get a facial and a Mani/Pedi?” I ask in disbelief, because that’s something I couldn’t imagine him doing.

“What’s a Mani/Pedi?”

“A manicure and pedicure.”

“Oh,” he deadpans, making me laugh again. “Yeah, maybe that’s not my thing.”

“It’s definitely not your thing,” I agree snuggling back into him.

••••

The following Friday, Carter takes me back to the John Hunter Hospital in New Lambton, to have my stitches removed from my chin. Yesterday I completed my second last week of the radiation therapy. Words can’t express how happy I am that it’s almost coming to an end.

Next week we have to stay for an extra day in Sydney, because Friday I’ll be having another scan and some blood work to see how successful the treatment has been. My headaches have practically ceased, so I’m confident we’re going to get good results. Well, I pray we do.

Things have been different between Carter and I this week. He’s really stepped back, which makes me feel so much better. He still fusses over me like a mother hen, but he seems a lot more relaxed. I’ve had a pretty good week as far as the side effects go. I still feel dreadful, but my nausea isn’t as bad so I’ve been able to keep most of my food down.

Mid-Saturday morning, Carter asked me to be showered, dressed, and ready by lunchtime. I didn’t ask why, I just presumed we were going out to eat. We do that often when I’m feeling okay.