You have to stay positive, Celia. For Grams.

“It’s a lot to take in all at once. Grams, my living situation, the finances … and now Lucas? What if there’s something going on, Audrey? What if there’s someone else at school, someone as smart as he is—”

“I’m stopping you right there, because that’s crazy talk. Lucas never has and never will want anyone else. That’s a fact. Just talk to him and he’ll tell you the same thing. Got it?” Audrey stares expectantly until I nod my head. “Now, as far as your living situation, you’re my new roomie, and what could be cooler than that? I’m pretty amazing.”

Her antics earn a slight smile from me, but that’s all I can muster. “I’m so grateful to you and your parents for letting me stay with you. I know I’m technically and legally able to live on my own, since I’m eighteen, but I don’t want to be alone right now. I’m just worried I’ll wear out my welcome.”

“How in the world could you wear out your welcome? Celia, between school, the time you spend with Lucas, and staying with Grams until bedtime everyday, I hardly ever see you. We’re living in the same room, and I feel the need to schedule girl time,” Audrey says while turning into the driveway.

My eyes instantly flick to the second floor window to see bits of light filtering through drawn blue curtains. I slump my shoulders in defeat and stare at my fidgeting hands. He’s been home the entire time.

I grip the straps of my book sack and put one foot out of the car before turning to Audrey. “Once I give your brother a piece of my mind, there may be oodles of girl time to be had. You should wish him luck.”

“Let him have it, girl. He totally deserves it.” She turns away from me, then changes her mind and grabs my hand. “I can promise you one thing, though. There’s no one else. I’m sure of it. The only thing Lucas is guilty of is being completely oblivious. There’s nothing wrong, Celia; he just lives in his own world a lot of the time.”

I huff and shoot her a sarcastic smirk. “Well, you’ll have to excuse me while I barge right in. Our two worlds are about to collide.”

.

I bang my clenched fist on the door a second time, resolving to stand here all night, if that’s what it takes. After what feels like a lifetime, I hear some rustling from inside the room and a frazzled Lucas flings open the door.

“Celia, hey,” he says with a smile, opening the door wider to invite me in. He notices my grizzly stare, and his brows furrow in confusion. “Wait, wasn’t I supposed to pick you up in…”

He walks across the room and swipes his watch off the bedside table. When he realizes the time, he drops his head in defeat and runs a hand over his unshaven face.

“Shit.”

“You can say that again,” I reply, my tone flat and stilted. “It’s the second time in a week. What the hell, Lucas?”

He crosses the room in two paces and folds me tightly into his arms. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I did that. I just … I lost track of time. This project for school is taking everything out of me.”

“I called you.” I slap both hands on his chest. “I set an alarm for you so you wouldn’t forget!”

“I had to turn my phone off, Celia, I’m so sorry.” He drops his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. “I’m competing for a summer internship, and the other students are distracting me, trying to … never mind, it’s not important. You’re the only thing I want to focus on right now. Tell me about Grams. How is she doing?”

Lucas tugs to me to the edge of the bed and sits us both down, facing each other. He runs his fingertips lightly across my forehead and cups my chin in his open hand.

“She’s the same,” I say, looking into his eyes. The genuine regret mirrored back at me is the only thing stopping me from adding “not that you’d care” to the end of my sentence. He squeezes my hand gently and gives a nod, urging me to continue.

“The doctors say to be patient, that it’s a gradual process, and she’s only just begun therapy, but I wish I could see something, ya know? Just something to let us both know things are going to get better for her.”

I hide my head in his chest, despair winning out over my extreme aggravation. I let him console me, run his fingers down my back and gently rock me from side to side. He slowly lulls me into a state of temporary calm, despite the crushing weight lingering over my shoulders from the events of the last week.

“Celia, you are so brave and so unbelievably strong. Even when we were kids, I was in awe of you. No kid would ever even walk in front of Old Man Theriot’s house. We’d all go two blocks out of our way to avoid that creepy place and that hateful man. What do you do? You knock on his door and ask him to buy gift wrap for a school fundraiser.” Lucas pushes away to meet my eyes while rolling his in amusement.

“Hey, I wanted to be the top seller so I could win the bicycle. And Mr. Theriot actually bought some paper.” Lucas’s deadpan stare shows his disbelief. I throw my hands up and giggle softly. “I swear! He used it to wrap presents for all of his cats.”

“See, that’s what I mean. And then what about Mrs. Charlotte’s dog, Kernick, the neighborhood bully? That dog would terrorize all the kids in the neighborhood, and then he met his match with Celia Lemaire. He rushed right up to you, snarling, barking, and baring his teeth. You just dropped down to his level, scratching his head and pulling his ears.”

“Honestly, he was just a big baby,” I explain, shrugging my shoulders. “All bark and no bite. Cuddly old Kernick.”

“I think that beast was in complete shock, that’s why he didn’t maul you. You stunned him into inaction.”

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. A lazy smirk runs across Lucas’s face, and he shakes his head in mock exasperation.

“Fearless.” He lowers his head and softly presses his lips to mine, breathing me in on a deep inhale. He releases my lips and presses his forehead lightly to mine, gripping my neck firmly with both hands. “And the only person I know who is stronger than you is Grams. Where do you think you get it?”

Tears flood my eyes and tumble over onto my cheeks, hot and stinging. I silently pray that Lucas is right—that Grams is more stubborn than she is sick. That she is braver than she is broken. That my love for her is stronger than her body’s limitations.

“I hope you’re right, Lucas. You just have to be,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion.

“I’m gonna be strong for you, too. I let you down today.” He sighs heavily, overwrought with guilt. “I love you, Celia. I was born to do it, and I promise to do a better job. I promise you.” And with those few words, my anger slides away, leaving nothing but love and adoration.

I open my eyes, and I see Lucas bathed in a new light, one that isn’t tinged with anger and disappointment. For the first time today, I really see him—and I’m afraid.

I run my fingertips over his days’ old, unshaven face and notice the dark circles ringing his bloodshot eyes. His hair is more than disheveled. It’s downright dirty. His skin feels sticky and oily to the touch.

“Um, Lucas?” I only continue when he meets my eyes. “When’s the last time you bathed?”

He bolts up off the bed and starts smoothing over his stained T-shirt, visibly embarrassed by my question. “Shit, I’ve been so caught up, I don’t even remember.”

My brow furrows in confusion, trying to think of a time when I forgot such a basic necessity of life. “You don’t remember?”

He rummages through his dresser draws, pulling out a set of clothes before kneeling on the floor between my legs. He runs his hands up my arms in comfort and shoots me a goofy smile. “Hey, don’t let the mad mathematician in me make you worry. Audrey doesn’t call me the absent-minded professor for nothing, right?”