“Hi Violet. Is it okay with you if I hold your hand?” I ask softly in an effort not to frighten her.

“Are you gonna try to get me to press charges, too,” she whispers without ever opening her eyes.

I look over at Marlo, and she gives me a tight smile. She shrugs her shoulders as if to say she’s done all she can.

“No, I’m not going to try to convince you of anything. Right now, I’d only like to hold your hand and tell you this isn’t your fault.” I reach over and push her mussed hair behind her ear and run my fingers through to the strands. “Nothing that happened tonight is your fault, Violet.”

I slide my hand into hers, and she flinches slightly before she catches herself. A tear slides out of her eye and travels over the bridge of her nose. “I’m so s-s-stupid. I really thought he liked me.”

“You didn’t invite this. None of the blame is on you,” Marlo says with conviction.

Violet turns toward Marlo’s voice and sniffs. “Why didn’t you press charges? I know you said you regret it now, but what were your reasons then?”

Wait … what???

Marlo winces, but she recovers quickly. Her eyes dart to mine and then move back to Violet. “I had so many reasons that night, and they seemed like the most important things in the world. I’ve never felt so violated, and the thought of anyone examining me felt like salt in a gaping wound. I had drugs in my system, and not all of them were slipped to me by my attacker. Some I took willingly, and I feared the repercussions of my actions. There were people in my life who I wanted to keep my attack from at all costs. That wouldn’t happen if I pressed charges. I just knew I was making the right decision.”

I’m beginning to think I’ve entered an alternate universe, because I don’t recognize the girl Marlo just described. The Marlo I know doesn’t drink anything stronger than Diet Dr. Pepper. The thought of her using drugs is something I just can’t reconcile with the woman I know today. Then again, I know what it means to hide a part of yourself, stow a piece of your life away from the world.

“And what do you think now?” Violet whispers, pulling me back to the here and now.

“That’s the thing. Time brought clarity to the situation, and only then was I able to see things as they actually were. No policeman would have arrested a rape victim for recreational drug use, but at the time, I was petrified. And the person I never wanted to find out about the attack? I haven’t spoken to him since. I made a major life decision based on a person who was fleeting. You know what isn’t fleeting?” Marlo leans into Violet and places her fingers over our clasped hands. “My regret.”

Violet mulls over Marlo’s words. “So you wish you would have pressed charges?”

“I wish I wouldn’t have erased the option. I left the hospital that day, went home, and scrubbed every piece of evidence away with a rough sponge and a hot shower. I scrubbed until my skin was angry and raw, just like me, and every hope of vindication ran down the shower drain.” Marlo inches closer and squeezes our joined hands. “I’m not trying to push you to press charges today, Violet. I’m just hoping to keep you from regretting the decision you make tonight for the rest of your life.”

The room grows eerily quiet with an occasional sniffle from Violet. Minutes pass before she releases our hands and pushes herself up to sitting position. She inhales a deep breath and brushes her hair out of her face.

“I’d like to do the exam now,” Violet whispers softly, the epitome of unimaginable strength laced with fragility.

Marlo nods her head and moves across the room to collect the supplies. I pull my chair closer to the bed and gently touch Violet’s arm.

“I’ll be with you the entire time, Violet. You are not alone in this.”

Her eyes flutter shut, and in direct contrast with her tear-stained cheeks, the smallest of smiles plays on her lips.

“Thank you for that,” she whispers.

“I have to say, Tiny One, you and I make a great team,” Marlo says with hip bump when she meets me at the nurses’ station.

“I think you’re right. We’re like yin and yang, Batman and Robin…”

“Dumb and Dumber?” We both laugh, and she narrows her eyes. “Just so you know, I’m totally Batman in this scenario.”

“Pshh, whatever!” I hand the chart back to Violet’s nurse, Alice, and say my goodbyes and thank yous. I turn my attention back to Marlo. “I’m a little surprised to see you here. How did I not know you were a SANE nurse?”

Marlo shrugs and smiles. “There’s no real reason, I guess. It just never came up. Caroline and I usually work these cases together. I was surprised to see you, too.”

“Yeah, I’ve been taking a lot more of the crisis call lately. Caroline needed a break.”

“Right,” Marlo says with a chuckle. “Sure she did.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“So, that’s how you’re gonna play it? The only person less transparent than you is that ten-foot tall lumberjack you’re wallowing over. I’m impatiently waiting for you both to get your head out of your asses, in case you’re wondering.” Marlo picks at her fingernails and sighs, feigning boredom.

“How about a foot up your ass,” I mutter under my breath.

“There’s the Celia I know. It’s about time.” Marlo slaps my back. “Now if you’d just inject a little of that sass into your love life, maybe you wouldn’t have to take call twenty-four hours a day to distract yourself.”

I shake my head and exhale an irritated breath. I know how it looks to everyone watching. I’m the fool who can’t move on with her life. I’m the stupid girl who clings to the past and refuses to see the wonderful man standing right in front of her. I want to yell, “I see him! I love him!” but that will only pose more questions. I’m not ready for that, so I do what I do best. I shoot for vague. I strive for ambiguous. I evade.

“Things aren’t that simple, Marlo. Not everything in this world is black and white.”

“Bullshit.”

“Huh?”

“I call bullshit.” She rolls her eyes and huffs at me. “Look, Cain’s had his eye on you for what feels like an eternity. I knew how he felt before you and I ever met. This isn’t breaking news to me. But I’ve noticed over the past few months, Celia, you’ve started watching him, too. At first, it was out of curiosity, but over time it’s changed. It’s evolved from friendship, to flirty, to, dare I say, love?”

She eyes me and cocks her head in question, but I bite my lip and remain silent. By the smirk on her face, my expression tells my story even though I don’t say a word.

“Right. So, as I was saying, he’s been waiting for you for much longer than you realize. And as delectable as you are, you sweet little thing, a man can only be pushed away so many times. I’d hate for you to wake up one day and find you’ve missed the Cain Train. He’s not my type, like at all, but he’s got his own swagger, ya know? He’s all ‘Oh, I’m so tall. Look at my ginormous green bean,’” Marlo mimics in a deep, husky voice while grabbing her crotch.

“What the hell? Green bean?”

“You know, because he’s the Jolly Green Giant,” she explains, staring at me expectantly. I shake my head, and she waves me off. “Oh, whatever! You know what I mean. Why am I talking about the man’s green bean?”

“More like bean stalk…” I chuckle to lighten the mood.

“Ugh, Celia! My ears can’t un-hear that shit!” She covers her ears and pouts at me. “Anyway, I may give him a hard time, but I know he would do anything to fix things with you. The question is, what are you willing to do for him?”

“All I can offer Cain is my friendship,” I whisper. “He wants more from me than I’m able to give. If I can’t be everything for him, he wants nothing at all. I have to respect his wishes.”