I don’t know if I was an angry man before the attack, but it’s not something I like about myself right now. Yet I have no other way to deal with what I’m feeling. Essentially, I’ve been reverted to a child. I can’t drive on my own. I can barely walk. And now I have to move in with my parents.

“John,” my mother calls out. “Come over here and help me pack up some of these things.” Busying themselves with the flowers, cards, and clothes I have here, they leave me and Grace alone.

Grace walks over to me, letting my parents pack up on the other side of the room. “I know it’s none of my business, but I think the doctor is right.”

“You’re right. It isn’t any of your business.” She pulls back from me, as if my words physically harm her. Immediately regretful of my meanness, I apologize. “I just want to get back to my life. The parts I remember at least.” And some of those parts have been coming back to me. The firehouse. My fellow crew members. My job and what a big part of my life it is. With every visitor, I gain a small piece of that part of my life back.

So when Grace suggests, “You could stay with me,” a million thoughts race through my brain. The primary one is that I still don’t remember her completely. It would be so unbelievably unfair of me to take her up on this offer in the blind hope that I might remember her. It’s clear she cares for me, that she remembers what we once were, that she wants it all back.

How cruel would it be for me to live with her? To offer her a glimpse of the life we apparently used to have only to remember nothing. “I’m on the ground level,” she explains. “And there’s an extra bedroom, so you don’t, you know . . .” Her voice turns bashful and her cheeks turn red. “And I work during the day, so you’d have the place to yourself, but I’m home early enough to take you to any doctor’s appointment you might have. And it would ease your mom’s concerns,” she rambles on and on. She takes my silence as a no. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even bothered. You should be with your parents.” She turns away from me, robbing me of the deep, sparkling blue in her eyes.

“Wait.” When she spins back around, something inside slides into place. Maybe it was the sway of her hips. The movement of her bright red hair flowing in long waves. The light in her eyes, that no matter the challenge, never seems to dim. She’s only a few steps away from me, but it feels like it takes me forever to cover the few feet.

Standing in front of her with the help of my crutches, I take a deep breath, weighing my options. For the last week, I’ve been too afraid to tackle this part of what my life used to be. Learning about my family and my job, those were easy enough somehow. But if I try to remember Grace and the couple we used to be, and I fail, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to recover from that.

Worrying her lower lip in between her teeth, she waits for me to say something else, not wanting to push me into something she feels I might not want. “I know you don’t remember me,” she says, cutting through the emotional silence in our tiny corner of the hospital room. “And I know you don’t love me like I love you, but I want to help you remember. And if I can’t . . .”

The end of that sentence seems as if it’s too painful for her to verbalize. And that knowledge is enough for me to say, “Yes. I’ll do it.”

Shockingly, my parents are okay with this move. Based on how adamant Mom was about me moving in with her and Dad, I can only take this to mean one thing: they trust Grace with my life.

That says something that forgotten memories don’t have to.

The two-hour drive back to her apartment takes more out of me than I’d like to admit. The fact that my parents are trailing behind us only adds to the stress. Grace apologizes over every bump and pothole, which in New York is a lot. When we make it back onto Long Island, my parents stop at my apartment, offering to pack up some clothes for me. Part of me wants to go with them, to just head home in the hopes that all my memories would be waiting there for me. But I know that wouldn’t happen. So instead, I go to Grace’s apartment with her.

A vague sense of recollection washes over me as I crutch my way into the door. There’s a framed picture of me and her at the beach. A wisp of smoke filters through my consciousness, but it’s extinguished before I can make anything of it. Balancing my weight, and situating the crutches under my arms, I lift the frame from the table. Standing at my side, she looks at the picture with me. “You threw me in the water that day.”

“I did?” A wide smile splits her face at the somewhat dumbfounded sound in my voice.

“I was tiptoeing along the edge, saying how cold the water was. And you didn’t believe me. Told me I was being a baby. So I splashed you.” Her fingers move on my forearm, resting there comfortably. We both look down at the contact, but neither of us pull away. “You lifted me up over your shoulder and carried me right into the surf. Threw me into a cresting wave and stood there laughing at me when I surfaced.”

“You must have hated me.”

Shaking her head adamantly, she smiles. “Not once. It was one of the best weekends of the summer. We camped out under the stars and ate S’mores for dinner. And then you . . . Well, it was an amazing weekend.”

“What were you going to say?” Dropping the frame back to the side table, I wait for her answer.

“Nothing. It’s not–”

“Don’t tell me it’s not important.” Propping the crutches under my arms, I reach for her. Holding her shoulders in my hands, I squeeze. “Don’t you get it? All of it’s important. It’s all that I’ve forgotten and if I don’t have someone here to tell me about it, well, then it never happened in the first place.”

Wiggling out of my grip, she laces her fingers with mine, a stark contrast to the cold metal at my side. “We made love all night and then again as the sun rose above the water. Sand got into places it shouldn’t ever be, but we were happier than anything. Lying there, watching the sun rise, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.”

Without even thinking about it, my hand moves to the side of her face, stroking over the round apple of her cheek. “I wish I could remember it all. Every single moment. Just the way you remember them. All the details—the sounds, and smells. How everything felt.” My voice wavers. “I just can’t. They’re not there, yet.”

“They will be,” she reassures, squeezing my hands in hers.

When my parents return with my clothes, they drop off some takeout as well. Exhausted from the long day, they excuse themselves. Lingering at the door with Grace as they make their exit, I know they’re all talking about me, but I don’t have the energy to care.

“You all settled in there?” Grace leans against the doorframe of the bedroom she’s spent the last hour fixing up for me.

Scanning the room, I take stock of everything she’s brought in to me: water, a snack so I don’t have to trudge my way inside if I wake up hungry in the middle of the night, the remote for a television that’s barely across the room, fresh clothes and towels if I want to shower. I’m holding off on that one, knowing I’ll need way more help than I care to take right now. All I need is the kitchen sink and I’ll be completely covered. “Yeah, I think I’m good.”

“Okay. I’ll leave you alone then. Have a good night’s sleep. See you in the morning.” Before closing the door completely, she adds, “I’ll be right in the next room if you need anything.” Watching her walk away, I wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.

Stuck in a vortex of nothing, all I see is black. Stretching out my arms around me, I can ’ t feel anything. With trepidation, I step forward, keeping my arms outstretched. After a few steps, the ground changes. From hard concrete, cold under my bare feet, it fades away, turning into warm grains of sand. The darkness fades, a sun comes into focus in the distance. With each passing step, the sun lifts higher into the sky.