Chapter 3

As the shivering stopped and her stomach settled Pauline shrugged off the survival blanket. All around there was activity. The crackle of radios and the calm but hurried movement of the uniforms created an urgent but controlled atmosphere on the quiet road. She watched them unload equipment from the ambulance and listened to a hum of voices behind her in the ditch.

Tiny white fluffballs sailed across the sky and she flapped away flying insects that buzzed her face. The day moved on with its business. The flurry of activity and drama just a few feet away from where she sat made barely a ripple in the greater pool of life.

“Are you okay now Pauline?” A policewoman stood in front of her. Pauline raised her eyes and squinted in the brightness.

“Yes, I’m okay I think. How is he?” She swept her hand in the direction of the ditch.

“He’s still unconscious. They are putting him on a board to make sure they don’t hurt his back and the air ambulance is on its way. They’re giving him oxygen and fluids. They’re just doing their thing you know.” Pauline nodded. “About you though. First of all thanks for everything you did; you may well have saved his life. Not many people come this way during the week and he could have laid there for hours. That wouldn’t have done him any good at all.”

“Oh, I only did what anyone else would do and I don’t know that I helped that much. I’m not good with drama.”

“Well you were pretty good with this one so as I say, thanks. Now, as soon as you’re ready we can take you home. You’ll want to get out of those wet trousers I bet and then once you’re feeling up to it we can take a statement.”

“A statement? Oh… I don’t think I… erm… I mean, why do you need that?”

“It’s just procedure, just so what has happened is all on record. Nothing to worry about and as I say, we can do it at home when you’re more relaxed. I can take you in my car. I assume you live local; you weren’t driving just now?”

“No… yes, I’m local, I… I was going to town. On the bus; that’s why I was walking. Normally I’d go in the car but,” she sighed, “I was walking.”

“Yes, but don’t you want to go home and change; maybe have a cup of tea? Perhaps you should take it easy for a while eh?” The woman knelt before her and took hold of Pauline’s hand. She peered into her hazel eyes. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? If you like we could take you down to the hospital, let the doctor have a look at you. You’ve had a nasty shock. Should I give your husband a call?”

“No, I don’t want that. I’m not married. It’s just that… I have a train to catch, in town. I was going to the bus stop and then on the train. I’m going away. It’s all booked and everything.”

“Oh I see. You’re wearing rings so I assumed… well, you know?”

“No, they were my mum’s. It’s easier sometimes if people think you’re married.” Pauline twisted at the bands of gold and diamonds. It had never occurred to her to remove them. They were so much a part of her that she barely noticed them.

“Well, is there anyone we can call for you? Maybe someone to give you a lift?  Someone to come to your house and help you to sort things out?”

“No, I’m not going back. I don’t want to go home. I…” She knew she was beginning to gabble, felt the panic rise making her heart pump. She took a deep breath and gulped audibly.

“Hey, hey take it easy now Pauline. Don’t get upset. Look if you really feel that you’re well enough to carry on I can take you to the station. How about that?”

“Oh would you? Yes, please yes. The train goes at half past five and I think that I still have time don’t I?”

“Well, it’s only just after three now so I don’t see why not. Have you got some dry clothes in your bag? Mind you I have to say that I still think you might really be better going home. Could you not re-schedule and leave tomorrow.”

“No. I really don’t want to go home. I have a superstition about it. It’s silly I know but I think that once you’ve left you know, you shouldn’t go back – it’s from miners in the old days. My mum’s to blame.” She managed a small laugh as she dragged the old wife’s tale from the back of her memory. “Really I would so much rather keep on and go to the station.”

The whap whap of the helicopter sounded overhead and all heads turned to the west where they could see the dragonfly shape skimming the tree tops.

“Come on Pauline, grab your bag and climb in the back of my car. I’ll stand guard and make sure nobody comes too near. You change into some dry clothes and then I’ll take you to the station. We can get a cup of tea and you can give me your statement then. How would that be?”

“Brilliant. Let’s do that.” She reached for the outstretched hand and allowed the young woman to pull her up from the roadside.

Her mouth had dried and her hands shook and she knew it was nothing to do with the accident. She would need to be careful now, very careful indeed. They were going to ask questions and she must have her wits about her. How had the bright hope come to this – already she had lied and she never lied. Not until now.

The helicopter landed in the field behind her. She grabbed her bag and clambered into the back of the police car ducking her head to hide the tears of panic.

Chapter 4

Pauline let her head fall back against the hard cushion. As the train slid forward and picked up speed she struggled not to cry, to bite back the sadness. For countless months, years now, when in deep despair, when she had felt so alone and afraid, it had been just like this. For all the weeks since her resolve had stiffened and she had found hope. All the nights when hope seemed lost and she believed her present would be her future and there was no way to go on it had been this. Through all of it she had fantasised about dreamed of this journey, or at least a version of it. She had held it close to her heart and it sustained her and yet now, now that it had come to be, it was a sharp and bitter disappointment.

When she had left the house just a few hours ago the joy, the sense of freedom and achievement had bubbled inside her. Now the overwhelming emotions were worry and shame. She had lied, over and over while they told her what a good Samaritan she was, a responsible citizen and a caring person. She had fed them untruths and subterfuge and scrambled facts.

She replayed the conversation in her mind as the scene swam across the inside of her eyelids. A steaming cup of coffee on the Formica table in the police station. The police woman sitting opposite with a glass of coke, “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat Pauline?” “No, this is great.” She had sipped at the hot drink and felt her physical self strengthen and then, as her nerves settled, she had begun to lie.

The surname of a friend from school, the phone number with three of the digits transposed. The address which was her mother and father’s old one, though the house had been demolished and a pair of semis stood on the plot. The story that hackers had made it necessary to close all her internet accounts and so no, she was sorry but she didn’t have an email address. So it went, on and on.

“You probably won’t hear from us again. The farmer will very likely have insurance for his sheep and the biker will claim on his. The insurance companies may get in touch though it’s not certain and that would be by post. If the unthinkable happens and he doesn’t pull through then it may be necessary for you to attend an inquest, but let’s hope for the best, eh? Let’s hope that won’t happen.”

She nodded and smiled and then felt her spirit shrivel.

The police woman took her to the station and offered to help her find the platform, help her to find a seat. “No, it's fine. You've been so kind already.” She couldn't let them know her destination. They shook hands and parted and she felt traitorous and dishonest.