“Don’t panic,” he muttered. “We have electric, but I have to turn it all on and anyway I kinda like this in the kitchen. Come in, sit down.”

She walked across the hard stone. “I like the lantern as well. But I don’t need to sit down Pete. It’s nice to stretch my legs.” She took another step towards him. He held his ground. She lifted a hand and placed it gently, questioningly on his upper arm. His head bent towards her, just a little. She lifted her face to his and as their lips met she felt as though she had reached her safe haven. His arms wrapped around her, firm and strong and comforting and as their bodies touched chest and hips the warmth grew.

It felt right and good and honest and she knew she would be his, if he wanted it.

Chapter 45

“I can’t. We shouldn’t. Pauline, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“I know.” She smiled at him and his lips lifted as he pulled back his head and looked down at her.

“It’s wrong in so many ways.”

“I know.” She lifted a hand to his face and laid it across his cheek. Her head tipped to one side and her eyes searched his, seeking the truth of what he wanted.

For a while they stood arms around each other in the slightly damp kitchen. Outside an owl called and in the quiet house the little lantern hissed and fizzed.

“Pauline…” His voice was hoarse and doubt flashed across his face and still she didn’t move but simply stood in the shelter of his arm, waiting. “Are you sure?” He read her stillness for what it was. She nodded.

“I haven’t been here for a while. The beds might need airing.” The everyday tone of the comment drew a giggle from her.

“Right.” She smiled and took his hand.

He lifted the lantern and they walked into the gloom of the hallway. Stepping in front he drew her after him, down the narrow space and up the stairs.

The landing was a small square. In the flickering light she saw a bathroom, the door ajar and the porcelain gleaming whitely in the gloom. There were three other rooms, he pushed the door of the nearest.

He turned to her again. “Okay?”

She slipped in front of him and stepped inside the space. The bed was made up. The curtains were open and the glow of moonlight glinted on a mirror and shone on polished wood. It was chilly, with the feel of a room just wakening from the torpor of neglect and emptiness.

She walked to the bed and threw back the covers running a hand over the sheet. “It’s fine. Cold, but not damp.”

He was close behind her now and his arms snaked around her waist drawing her back against him. “Are you sure about this?”

His concern threw her. She had never experienced such consideration before. For a moment she wondered if he was trying to draw away kindly, back off without hurting her. She twisted around until she could look him in the eye. There was nothing there but kindness.

“I like you Pete. I’m happy here in this moment.” He nodded.

His fingers found the buttons on her blouse. As he twisted the tiny pieces of plastic she closed her eyes to savour the illicit pleasure that had come so unexpectedly. As he pulled the fabric from her shoulders she felt a frisson of fear. What would he think of her? She was no longer a girl. She had stayed slim, kept herself fit, but her breasts and her stomach were those of a forty-year old. He lowered his head and his lips played across her shoulders. She felt the flutter of his kisses on her neck and then her breath was taken as he raised a hand to her breast, to hold and to gently tease.

She pulled at his shirt and the belt of his jeans. When they were unfastened and in a heap at his feet he stepped out of them and with a grin he pulled of his socks.

Pauline slipped out of her trousers and climbed onto the bed dragging the chilly duvet over her. He pulled it aside to snuggle underneath and then wrapped her to him and held her in his warm arms. Their legs twined and their breath mingled and she found with him a kindness, a generosity and a pleasure that she had never known before.

Chapter 46

Unfamiliar greys and shadows disoriented her and the bulk of a body in the bed was strange and unsettling in her half-waking state. Pauline lay still and quiet until dream and reality divided and she remembered it all. Where and who and why. Pete murmured and turning, drew her into the warmth of his sleeping body. As she curled into him tears came to her eyes for she knew that this could not be and it broke her heart to have what she couldn’t hold.

She didn’t sleep again. The curtains were open and dawn unveiled a new day and the rustle of leaves and patter of rain on the window spoke of dying summer. She pressed closer to the man beside her and revelled in the comfort and what she knew was to be a fleeting happiness.

Pete woke and smiled across the rumpled pillows and kissed her face and neck and they made love slowly. His hands caressed the rounds and hollows of her body. As they stroked and teased and nibbled she lost herself in his gentleness and generosity and finally in the urgency of their mutual need. She had never known it could be like this…

Later she slid from the bed and dragged on Pete’s discarded T-Shirt. She pulled it down to cover her behind and then laughed as he raised his eyebrows at the coyness after their recent familiarity. She felt sated and soothed by their intimacy and more than that he had made her feel whole, and even more yet she felt beautiful and womanly.

She didn’t want to spoil the moment but knew life would go on and they must leave this room and this moment.

“Can I have a shower?”

“Did I do the electric thing last night?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Right. Give me a minute and I’ll sort it. God I’m starving.”

His legs swung from the bed and he leaned to retrieve his boxers from the tangle of clothes on the floor. She watched and felt emotion flood her body. She could love this man.

His voice came from downstairs in the hallway. “Okay Pauline, the heat’s on. I’m going to fish in the freezer and get breakfast underway.”

“Thanks.” The bathroom was spotless and it was obvious that, though the house had been unlived in, someone kept it clean. The airing cupboard held a pile of towels and there was shampoo. She paused at the sight of the bottle on the glass shelf. Shampoo.

It wasn’t her business. She picked up the bottle and realised with a tiny thud of disappointment that it was open and partly used. So, someone else came here and used the bathroom and cleaned and polished. It wasn’t her business.

The smell of bacon and coffee made her mouth water. With a hint of distaste she pulled on yesterday’s underwear and blouse. Her fingers hovered over the handle of a drawer but in the end it was too much of an invasion of privacy to pull it forward. In truth she didn’t want to see. If there was underwear in there, women’s underwear, she couldn’t borrow it anyway and the bright, loving morning would be besmirched. Shampoo? Well shampoo could just be a cheap shower gel or perhaps he sometimes let his hair grow and so would need it, but underwear, women’s clothes… There would be no denying the meaning of those.

The kitchen was bright and the pine table held plates of bacon sandwiches. Coffee dripped into a pitcher on the machine beside the sink. It was homely and cosy. Pauline was starving, because of course they had eaten very little yesterday. She fell on the food with an enthusiasm that brought a smile to Pete’s face.

“How come you have all this?”

“I keep bread, bacon and so on in the freezer. I never know when I’m going to come here and so I try to keep it stocked.”

“Is this your house then? Your own… not a police house or something?”