“You’re the least selfish person I know, darlin’.” I hold her tightly against me, wishing she wouldn’t be so hard on herself.

“I can’t even stand myself right now, how can you?” She sniffles, her hot tears roll down my skin.

“Because the bitterness I’ve been carrying from Missy’s death doesn’t taste so sour in my mouth when you’re around. You changed me. You made me see everything differently. The way you think I’m seeing you right now, is so far from the truth. If I need to light one thousand candles for you to see yourself the way I do, then I will.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” She lets out a shaky breath, while wiping her face.

“Been asking myself the same question until I realized I don’t think I do deserve you. So I stopped asking myself and started loving you.” She looks up giving me one of her smiles. Only this time, I believe it all the way to my bones.

It’s the most beautiful smile she’s ever given me, because it means I haven’t lost her. She is still there. She’s fighting it, and that’s all I need. I can do the rest.

And I will.

I’ll do anything for this woman.

“How you doing, brother?” I ask Brooks a couple of days later on one of my daily visits to the hospital. His face is drawn downward and his beard is unkempt. He’s wearing clean clothes only because the girls have been bringing him some in, and he doesn’t look like skin and bones because the hospital has been feeding him, but besides that, the man is falling apart and I can’t blame him. I don’t know how I’d be coping if Kenz was lying in that hospital bed.

“She just needs to fucking wake up. Everything will be okay if she just woke up.” He drops his hand from Kelly’s and rests his elbows on her bed. I look over Kelly’s sleeping form and the overwhelming ache of helplessness grows. We’re no closer to knowing when she’ll wake. The doctors are saying she can wake any time. There is no reasoning with these types of brain injuries, we just have to be patient and wait it out. It’s the worst thing to hear. Sometimes the unknown is more frightening than the horrible truth.

“It’s going to work out, Brooks. You have to believe it, brother.” He nods but doesn’t say anything else. He’s probably sick of hearing it. From everyone. The whole clubhouse has stepped in. Always having someone here for when she wakes up. The girls come up every day, making sure someone is always with Kelly. Talking to her. Encouraging her to come around. Brooks hasn’t been alone but at the same time, he has. He’s alienated himself. And I get it, I do, but it’s hard to watch it. Watch him shut down and push everyone out.

We sit in silence for another twenty minutes until Brooks finally sits up and takes Kelly’s hand again.

“You find the fucker who did this yet?”

“Not yet. We’ve still got eyes out.” I hate we can’t give him the answer he wants. Yeah, Mayor Morre has been dealt with, but the man responsible for this needs to be found.

“I want him, Beau. I want him found and I want to deal with him.” I want him, too. After finding out who we’re looking for, Jesse and Hunter did some digging. It turns out it’s the same guy who threatened Mackenzie in Liquid.

Yeah, I’ll make sure we get him.

“We’re on it, brother. Rest assured, I will find him.” I offer the only thing I can: my word. We haven’t had any blow back from the Mayor. T’s promise on the Mayor turning up dead came through. A week after we left him alone in the barn with the Warriors, he was found dead a few hours out of town. Media called it gang war. Mayor Morre was apparently in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I called it good riddance.

“I want him to pay.” I nod, knowing that feeling all too well. Even with the blood on my hands, knowing Chad and the Mayor are gone, I can breathe easier.

“While we’re talking about club business, I need to talk to you about Missy’s Place. We decided we need to keep things moving on it.” I hate being the one to tell him we want to go ahead with it. It’s the last thing he needs to think about, but I won’t go ahead without him knowing. I’m not keeping it from him.

“Kelly would want you to go ahead. You can’t keep putting it off.” He gives his okay and I’m relieved. We’ve already put the staff off for three weeks. I don’t want to risk losing them.

“The club is gonna have a fundraiser night for the opening, you want to come?” I know it’s pointless asking him, but I told Mackenzie I would, just in case.

“I can’t leave her, man. What if she wakes up?”

“You’re right. I just wanted to make sure you know you’re welcome.” A knock at the door stops Brooks from replying. I twist my head to watch Bell walk in.

“Hey, guys, how are we?” She steps into the room and walks over to Kelly. She’s wearing her nurse’s uniform today so I know she’s on shift.

“Hey, Bell.” I nod and watch her lean down and squeeze Kelly’s free hand.

“Morning, Kelly. Are you going to wake up for me today?” She smiles down at her before picking up her chart. “How was last night?” She looks up at Brooks.

“Same. Nothing.” He lets out a frustrated breath.

“She’s showing activity, Brooks. I know it’s hard but keep talking to her. Some people say they can hear what’s going on around them in this state. Everything helps.” She places Kelly’s chart back into place then moves around the bed.

“I’ll be back in later.” She waves us off, leaving just as fast as she came. The room falls silent again, and I wonder if I should just head out too. Mackenzie is at the clubhouse and I’m bringing her up later, so I can always stay longer when we return.

“I think I should head out. Give you some quiet time before the next visitor,” I tell him, deciding to leave. Every day he gets more distant and every day, it gets harder to watch it.

“How’s Mia?” He looks up, stopping my retreat and I see a flash of pain in his eyes.

“She’s doing okay. We’re taking her tonight. We can bring her down before dinner if you like.” I sit back down, letting this one play out.

“I don’t like her seeing Kell like this. The tubes and the machines, it’s too much. She was in yesterday.”

“I don’t think she minds. She just wants to see you and Kelly,” I try to reason with him. This subject has been a huge issue within the club the last four weeks. While Mia is being looked after by all of us, there are concerns for Brooks’ reluctance to have her around.

“I just can’t deal with her questions right now, Beau. She doesn’t understand. How can she? She’s five.” His jaw ticks and his body tenses. Agitation seeps from him, so I don’t push it. I know it’s his way of dealing, who am I to tell him otherwise? I have no idea how I would react in this situation.

“I get it, bro. It’s all good.” The last thing he needs is to be getting worked up, not here in front of Kelly.

“I just need more time. I’m not trying to push her away.”

“No one thinks you are. We just want to make sure you’re both okay.” He doesn’t reply, so I don’t continue pressing it. It’s up to him now.

“Well, I need to head out. You want anything before I go?” I look up at the clock knowing Kadence will be in next. The girls have spaced out their visits throughout the day. Kadence, Holly, Bell, then Mackenzie, followed by the boys. I opt to come early in the morning, less chance of dealing with an agitated Brooks, plus fewer people.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Okay, I’ll be back later with Kenz.” I stand and step up to Kelly.

“Come on, Kell, you need to knock this shit off and come back to him,” I whisper in her ear, and then gently kiss her cheek. I hold back, almost anticipating her reaction. Like every other day, it doesn’t come and I try not to let it pull me down.

She’ll come to when she’s ready.

“See you, bro.” I walk around the bed and plant my hand on his shoulder. He reaches up and squeezes it tightly for a few seconds, like he is taking in my strength before releasing.