“It’s not a big deal, Jesse.” I try to brush it off, but by the look on his face, I can tell he’s not going to let it happen.

“Get on the damn bike,” he says, his features shutting down. Elation leaves my body and in its place dread forms. What did I just do?

“Jesse, just wait.” I reach for him but he shrugs me off.

“No, Bell, just get on the bike.” He climbs on, dismissing me. I don’t know what I was expecting when he found out I was a virgin, but it wasn’t this. I don’t make any more attempts to try to talk to him. Instead, I do as I’m told and get on the back of his bike. When he makes no attempt to wrap my arms around him, I know there’s no fixing anything tonight. If there was ever a time to wish for a do-over, it would be now.

Thirteen JESSE

Virgin.

A fucking virgin.

I try to focus on the road in front of me, but my head is lost in one single word and the meaning of it, and my cock’s lost in the knowledge I took it.

Fuck me. I just took her virginity.

How could I be so stupid?

When I said I was going to Hell, I should have said it was with a no return ticket. I'm an asshole for taking it, the way I took it, and the way I reacted.

Fucking hell.

I could have stopped as soon as I realized, as soon as she screamed out. Any decent man would have, but her tight heat encasing my cock when I was balls deep…there was no way I was willing to give it up. I should have realized when she came apart over my fingers, or before, when she freaked out that she wasn’t like other women I have been with. But I didn’t. I knew she wasn’t experienced, but I had no fucking clue she was a virgin. I was too busy thinking with my cock.

Fuck me.

“Can you drop me off around the corner?” she asks close to my ear.

“Why the hell would I do that?” I slow my bike so I can hear her answer.

“My parents will be home,” she explains and my guilt grows.

Jesus fuck.

I don’t respond. Just continue our journey in silence. A few minutes later, I pull up one street away from Bell’s house and wait for her to get off.

“Thanks for the ride,” she says, handing me back my spare helmet.

“Yep,” I reply, fully aware I’m still acting like an asshole. I just don’t know how else to act or how I feel.

“I…umm, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She looks down at her feet. I know she needs something from me to show her that what just happened wasn’t a mistake, but I’m struggling to find a way to give it to her.

“Go,” I answer, needing to be away from her.

“Yeah sure.” She doesn’t look up but turns to make her way down the street.

“Bell.” I can’t stop myself from calling out. She turns back and gives me her eyes. The innocence and light I’m used to seeing in them is gone. Disappointment and regret stare back at me. “We are going to talk about this, about what happened tonight. Just not now. I’m not in the right headspace,” I admit, hoping she understands.

“Okay, Jesse.” She nods.

“And we are going to talk about me dropping you off here, too,” I add, pissed this is what she needs to do.

“Okay,” she repeats, looking up under her lashes.

“Now go,” I dismiss her and watch her walk down the dark street. I sit and watch until she turns down her driveway, only then do I start my bike up and ride past her place. She turns as I pass, giving me one of her cute, awkward grins before closing the door. It’s then I realize, I’m fucked.

I’m falling for her.

Fuck me dead. How did this happen?

“Club meet in five.” Nix walks in pissed as usual. Ever since he and Kadence started having problems, the asshole has been fucking moody. I know Kadence is in a good place. I just spoke to her last week after I dropped Bell off at home. I didn’t go back to the clubhouse. I was too messed up knowing I took Bell’s virginity, so I dropped by Nix’s place. If I’m being honest, I only wanted to see Low; the cute kid has twisted her way into my heart, kind of like how Bell has. Not that I would admit it to anyone.

Kadence was home alone with the kids, Nix at the clubhouse, and we got to talk a little. She was in a bad place for a while, but the strong woman I met five years ago, after recovering from her burns, was on her way back.

She knew something was up with me, but didn’t push. She knows me too well. I decided later that night, I would give it a few days before contacting Bell. Yeah, it’s probably a shit move, and one I might regret, but she fucking lied to me, allowed me to degrade her on the back of my bike, and now I’ve got to live with that shit.

Finishing my breakfast, I wash my dish and walk into church. We normally only meet once a week, keeping up on all the shit everyone gets themselves into. So I wasn’t expecting one today.

“Beau isn’t here yet,” Brooks says, taking a seat across from me.

“Where the fuck is he then?” Nix asks the table, his mood growing more volatile with each minute he has to wait.

“He had a pick up, but Tiny says he’s yet to show,” Brooks explains.

Beau, like all the boys, is required to show up on time, but for some reason, we can’t get a hold of him.

“Well, someone better fuckin’ find him.” He sighs, but I can see he is worried. I’m not worried. Beau is a smart man, secretive, but smart. Besides, it’s not like Beau fucks up regularly.

“I’m worried about him,” Sy speaks up. “He’s getting attached.”

“He’s fuckin’ Beau. He doesn’t get attached,” Nix counters.

“You didn’t see him with Mackenzie. I’ve never seen him like that before.” Sy says, and I think back to all the pickups I’ve been on with Beau. He does get attached but never like Mackenzie. Mackenzie was a woman Beau and Sy saved last year. After one too many hits from her fucked-up asshole husband, she reached out for help and tried to get away. Only being the daughter-in-law to a dirty mayor made it hard for her to do that. That’s where we came in. The Rebels and Tiny set up a meet. We were to come in, and get her out without being seen. Only things got fucked up, and when the boys were finally able to get her out, it was after her asshole husband did a fucking number on her. The boys were seen and it brought heat to the club. Her husband knew it was us and started a campaign to bring the Rebels down, going as far as threatening Holly at glass point. He was arrested after Sy was done with him, but the dirty fucker got off on probation. We’ve had our eyes on him, making sure he doesn’t get any ideas, and so far, he hasn’t pulled any shit.

“You think this new gig is getting to him?” Nix asks. The club has taken on a big role in helping Tiny get women out of abusive homes, Beau being the main guy who handles it.

“He’s holding onto something which might be too close to home. I think the business with his sister fucked him up. He’s reliving it over and over, and he’s gonna fucking snap. I can see it,” Brooks says, giving his opinion.

“He’s late for one meeting. He probably has a perfectly good reason. Let’s not fuckin’ lose our heads.” Nix shakes his head. I agree. Beau might be attached to this, but he would never jeopardize the club. He just wouldn’t do it.

“Hunter, head out to the meet point. Keep Tiny updated.” The rookie stands and nods, leaving without a word.

“Let’s start. Got fucking shit to do today. So how’s Liquid? You get the staff all sorted?” He turns to me. I know he is going to kill me with my staffing issues. It’s the only fucking drama I have with the joint.

“Got a new girl.” I nod.

“You gonna fuck this one?” Sy asks, trying to get a reaction.