“Well, what are we going to do about it?” I ask, reaching over to the coffee table for a tissue.

“Nothing to do about it. It is what it is, Holly. A fuck.” He sits up, scowling at me.

“Jeez, Sy. Calm down. I’m not some fucking crazy bitch who wants to have your babies now that you’ve given me a couple of orgasms,” I say, reaching for my dress, feeling exposed while he’s fully clothed. “I’m asking because you can’t just walk into my house, strip me naked and fuck me when you decide you have a taste for it.” I stand, stepping into my panties, ready to lay down the law.

“Well, it’s not like I forced myself on you,” he replies, standing to do his pants back up.

“No, but you didn’t make it easy for me, just taking me how you want me.”

“Well, when you throw your fucking anger at me, I can’t help it,” he says, taking a step toward me.

“Is this what you like, Sy? Do you have an appetite for an angry fuck?” I ask, not trying to figure him out; that shit would take a lot more than one question, but I want to know what makes this man think he has any right over me.

“Lived with it for such a long time, I don’t know if the anger is doing anything for me anymore, but you, you’re a different kind of anger.” His voice is low and filled with the same honesty from earlier. He’s also now completely in my space.

“And what type would that be?” I force myself to stand strong, not wavering under his dark stare.

“A type I’ve never known before: dangerous. A type I need to stay away from,” he admits, his stare now softening somewhat.

“Well then, by all means, stay away.” I cross my arms, ready for the brush off. At least this time, he has the balls to say how it is.

“See, right there with your anger again. You’re making it hard for me to stay away,” he whispers.

"You're the one who needs to walk away, Sy.” I hold his stare.

“I’m leaving now.”

“Great,” I reply, giving him my fake smile.

“This can’t happen again,” he reminds me, like I’m going to find it hard to keep my clothes on around him.

“Really?” I ask on an eye roll. “I was thinking about calling my parents, letting them know I was in a committed relationship.”

“Holly...”

“Sy,” I reply, enjoying this more than I should.

“Fuck me,” he curses under his breath.

“Would it be simpler for you if I stripped naked again? That seemed to work for you last time you had to leave,” I remind him, trying to keep the sting out of my voice.

“I think I can manage,” he retorts.

“Great.”

“Great,” he repeats. The air of electricity we seem to create stirs again, building momentum as we stand staring at each other. It’s like a force dragging me in. With no control over my own reflexes, I step forward as he leans into my space, and just as our lips touch, his phone rings from his pocket, the intrusion breaking our connection.

“Yeah?” he asks into his phone after the third ring. I take a moment to move away from the vortex he sucked me into.

“Okay, give me five minutes.”

Turning my back, I walk to the kitchen, wondering if he will follow me. After a moment of silence, I hear the door open. The slow creak of the hinge sounds so harsh in the quietness of the apartment. I don’t call out, or turn from where I stand. The heaviness of rejection hits me strangely, and with the release of the door handle, and the click of the lock, I get my answer. Sy doesn’t follow anyone.

You can’t get shitty, Holly. You knew this going in, I remind myself as I walk to my room and clean myself up.

So why does it hurt a little?

PAST

Sy

“Do you believe in God?” Her small hand grips onto my larger one.

“Yeah, baby girl,” I say, looking down and watching her smile at my answer.

“Do you think God will let me see you again?” She continues to ask questions that keep breaking me.

“I know he will,” I say, believing it more than anything. My faith has now been shaken, but I can't lose hope that where she is going will be somewhere beautiful and amazing.

“When I go to God, will I see Charlie the goldfish?” She yawns, almost drifting off as the hospital machines beep around us. I nearly smile at her question, but I can’t, because at the end of the day we’re talking about death, and the inevitable end that’s fast approaching.

“I don’t know, baby girl,” I tell her, wishing I had the right answers for her. We’ve had hospital staff come in and talk with Katie and me about how to approach the subject of death. I try to take everything they suggest on board, but sometimes, Keira will hit me with a question that floors me and I can’t lie to her. 

“I want to go home,” she says, nestling further into the stark white hospital pillow. It’s the same thing she’s said every day for the last three weeks we’ve been stuck here. 

“I know you do, baby.” I reach out and brush the soft skin of her cheekbone.

“I love you, Daddy,” she says, slowly drifting off to sleep. I wonder how many more days I have with her. Will she die in this hospital, the one place she doesn’t want to be?

“I love you too, baby girl.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Holly

“Come on, woman. Suck it up.” I take Kadence’s hand and drag her inside the Rebels’ Clubhouse. I’m trying to keep my fake bravado up as we walk through the darkened hall, but as leather and smoke fill my nose, I’m reminded of the last time I saw Sy and how it felt when he walked out. I knew coming here would be dangerous. I was happily settling in for a quiet afternoon of sappy movies and junk food when Kadence came rushing through the door telling me I had to get up and get ready as I was going to my first ever clubhouse barbecue. At first, I was against it. The last thing I need is to see Sy in his territory, but when Kadence told me Z, Nix’s son was going to be here, I knew I had to come for support. She has been freaking out about letting Z know about her relationship with his father since the moment she started seeing Nix. I personally don’t think she has anything to worry about, but nonetheless I’m here, questioning my sanity and wishing I was still on my sofa.

Loud music beats out of the surround speakers, making the framed pictures of club members hanging on the walls next to us shake slightly.

“We need to go straight to the bar,” Kadence orders next to me as we turn the corner to a large open area. I nod, following behind her, needing the same liquid courage as she does.

“Two Coronas, please,” I ask the younger guy as we sit down. He nods, turning and getting our drinks.

“This place is cool,” I say, looking around. My eyes take everything in. Even if I’m nervous about seeing Sy, I still love that I finally have the chance to come here after everything Kadence has told me.

“Yeah,” Kadence mumbles, turning to greet someone, but I don’t hear her as my eyes connect with his. His body stiffens at my presence and I try not to let it affect me, but how do you do that when the man can get me out of my clothes in less than two minutes. Jesus, what was I thinking, letting him fuck me? I thought it would have made it easier not to want him as much after the second time he left me, but even after he was the biggest asshole, I can’t help the want flowing through me.

I don’t know how long he holds my gaze, but after what feels like a ridiculous time, I force my eyes away and focus on the man who just picked up my hand to kiss it. He’s blond, built, and has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.

“I don’t think we’ve formally met,” he drawls, releasing my hand.

“Holly, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my best friend, Holly.” Kadence introduces us before turning back around to scan the bar.