I WAS DREAMING. I HAD TO be. He was so… aggressive, nothing gentle about the frenzied way Nik’s tongue slid against my neck as he pressed another heated kiss just below my ear. “Do you give in?”
“Never.” I laughed, feeling more free than I had in years. It wasn’t the wine, because the wine didn’t explain his attitude, the way he held me in his arms like I was both the most beautiful thing he’d ever encountered—and the most dangerous.
Drunk on power, I pulled away just as he dipped his head to kiss me again.
“My turn.”
“Oh, Maya,” Nikolai chuckled darkly. “We haven’t even begun.”
“But—”
Something about that sentence felt like a bolt of electricity through my limbs, chilling me in its wake, making me collapse into his arms as images of blood flashed in my line of vision.
I jerked away.
“Maya?” Nikolai frowned. “Are you alright?”
“Yes.” I nodded as fear once again trickled down my spine like I was getting a shot of ice through my veins. “Sorry, I just… thought I saw something.”
“Hmm, maybe it is best you go to sleep.”
“No!” I yelled, desperate for the intimacy that always seemed just out of my reach. Then I felt stupid and covered my mouth to keep myself from blurting out more truths about how I felt whenever he was near. Every single word was on the tip of my tongue just waiting to be released into the universe. It was hell trying to keep everything in, and I’d always prided myself on keeping my emotions hidden, they made me vulnerable, and that was something I couldn’t be when around my father, so I’d learned the art of suppressing them.
“You know…” Nikolai slowly started unbuttoning his shirt, and my mouth went dry watching, my body on edge as it anticipated what I’d see next. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stare at his mouth and imagine all the things it could do to me, or wait to see him completely shirtless—bared to me.
The shirt fell to the floor in one fluid drop.
And my brain had trouble conjuring up any sort of thought other than sweet lord how? How was a man that built?
“Hmm, no scream?” He took a step forward then tugged me into his arms, my hands pressed against his firm, warm chest. “And I thought the shirt tossing would do it.”
“Close.” I breathed him in, the air stirred with electricity. “Very close.”
“Can’t win them all.” He sighed bringing his mouth to mine in a slow tantalizing kiss that tasted like red wine. His tongue was smooth, sliding against mine, tasting and caressing in a way I’d never experienced before.
We kissed for what felt like hours. Maybe it was minutes. Who knew? Time seemed to slow down then speed up only to slow down again.
My back met the soft mattress as Nikolai held his muscled body over mine. This, this is what I wanted, him, only him.
Why did it feel like I’d always wanted him?
Like I’d always craved him?
He leaned down, brushing a kiss across my earlobe as he whispered. “Give in.”
Unable to control my response, I let out a slow whimper as the memory, a very realistic memory of his hands running down my body, ran through me.
“It would be a pleasure to break you.” Nikolai whispered. “I wish you wouldn’t be so afraid… first comes the pain.”
“And next?” It was a miracle I kept my voice from shaking.
“Only pleasure.” His dark gaze met mine. “I swear it.”
“Why?” I jerked against the zip ties. “Why both?”
“They go hand in hand with what you’ve seen, the only way to fuse the memories together… is to make you think it was you… instead of her.”
“So you torture me… and then—“
“—I give you the most amazing pleasure you’ve ever experienced.”
“Is that even legal?” I tried to joke even though my insides were screaming for me to flee, I still couldn’t see his face, he was wearing a white mask, like one a person would wear at a carnival or masquerade but his eyes, his evil eyes were in direct contrast to the white.
“Nothing I do here is legal. But I can promise you this—you’ll stay pure… you have to stay pure.”
“Pure?”
“Pleasure is something entirely different.”
“What do I call you?” I tried changing the subject.
“Whatever you wish.”
“I need a name.” I was all dried up on tears, the fear had already started to dissipate along with the realization that I would walk out of there alive.
“Nik.” He whispered. “Call me Nik.”
I let out a gasp, surging off the bed, my head nearly colliding with Nikolai’s. “It was you!”
His body went rigid over me. “Excuse me?”
“You… you, you…” I choked out the words. “I saw you, or…” I felt the memory slipping again. “I mean, the man, he had dark eyes.”
“What did he do?” Nik asked calmly. “Did he hurt you?”
“Yes… at first, and then…” Heat filled me to the core, so much heat that if he touched me I was certain I would shatter into a million pieces and never be whole again. “He put me back together again.”
“In what way?” Nikolai braced me with his hands as he straddled his body across mine, his lips brushed light kisses across my forehead.
“He made…” Everything was blank. “He made me forget the bad…”
“And?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “He replaced it with good.”
“I can do better.” Nikolai vowed in a low voice. “Let me show you?”
I nodded, wanting the memory to go away, irritated that every time Nikolai touched me, more memories came only to disappear like I was on some sort of high, but I’d watched him pour my wine.
Each time I blinked I felt more clarity.
Until Nikolai’s mouth closed over mine and every shred of logic left me. I had him…. I tasted him…. I wanted him. That’s why I was laying in his arms, because in a world full of terror and uncertainty there was one thing I was certain of.
Nikolai would keep me safe.
He would.
And he would give me pleasure.
How did I know that?
My body responded of its own will as Nikolai deepened the kiss then slid his hand up my body, his fingers finding my core.
He played me like I was an instrument, a melodic harp, each finger plucking a different string, each string hitting a note that took me higher and higher into oblivion… only to stop and bring me back down.
“Come on, Maya, let go for me.”
Letting go meant… something big.
Something that would mean more than what I wanted it to. But what?
“Let go.” He whispered, his kiss deepening as I rode his hand, and then I felt heat, so much heat wash over me as my center of gravity fell away.
My body fell back.
Slowly, like layers of secrets were just peeled back before my very eyes, Nikolai made a familiar gesture with his head, tilting it to the side, and blowing me a kiss right before whispering. “And now you sleep….” There were words after that, but my ears closed, along with my eyes, as my head touched something soft.
And my world went black.
The most dangerous sicknesses are those that make us believe we are well. —Russian Proverb
MY HANDS WOULDN’T STOP SHAKING. Two hours had passed, and my body was still conniving against me along with my brain, telling me that all I needed to do was wake her up and confess.
It sounded easy.
It should be easy.
All I needed to do was open my mouth and say the words, the words that I knew would destroy whatever friendship or relationship we’d had with one another, that the man who she dreamed of was both her hero and her villain, one in the same. Jekyll was Hyde and vice versa.