Because I loved her.

And when you have love—everything else seems to just fade into the background, the noise of your own heart beating, smothering out the screams of the past.

“Italians,” I whispered tucking a piece of hair behind her ear with my good hand, “do love their wine.”

She leaned down brushing her lips against mine. “And I love you.”

My body hummed with pleasure and sang with completeness at her proximity. “You can say that… after everything? Even after the fear of tonight? After finding out your parentage?”

“You had nothing to do with my mom cheating and sleeping with Petrov’s right hand man—absolutely nothing.”

“No.” I swallowed the lump of guilt. “But I knew. He was an outsider, trying to escape the pressure of his own crime family, and the sense of embarrassment he felt at being the poorest, most disrespected. I knew the information because of my father.”

“Apparently everyone knew.” Maya sighed. “In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?”

“I don’t know, does it?”

“Not really. No. If anything it just makes me thankful that I’m not blood related to a Russian gangster.” I opened my mouth to speak but she pressed two fingers against it and whispered. “But I am in love with one.”

I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or just having her close but my body felt warm the minute she said that. Still, she had to understand. “I won’t ever be free of it.”

Maya turned her head, giving me a view of her gorgeous long neck. I wanted to trail kisses from neck to navel, and then lower, drink her nectar until I was drunk on her. Her hand gently caressed the sickle tattoo. “I don’t think either of us will ever be free of our pasts, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a future, right?”

My body went rigid. There was one more thing, one more secret I’d kept close to me, a secret my family had kept even closer. It wasn’t just something I could tell her, I’d have to show her the diary, explain to her the reasons, but worst of all. I’d have to make sure I talked with Jac first.

She was the loose cannon in all this, the very last part of my life that could unravel and destroy everything I held dear.

With a few simple words, strung together in one powerful sentence, my entire career would be over—my life, Maya’s life, my reputation.

I shuddered.

“Are you cold?”

“No.” I answered quickly, maybe too quickly if Maya’s frown was any indication. “I’m just thinking.”

“Well, stop.” Maya sucked on my lower lip. I let out a moan and tried to pull her body closer but it hurt to move more than an inch.  She smiled against my mouth. “It’s kind of nice, having you semi-paralyzed while I take advantage of you.”

I went still for an entirely different reason as my body went from hot to frigid. She had no idea what that statement meant to me.

Paralyzed, yet awake.

Woman’s screams echoed in my head. I’d never been present for it, did that lessen my involvement? Make me any less of a killer?

“Maya, I need to talk to you about something.” I grabbed her wrist pushing her back as much as I could without letting out a sharp cry of pain.

“Words can come tomorrow,” she argued, her eyes drinking me in. “Right now, let me just love you. Whatever you have to say can wait, can’t it?”

I was too exhausted to argue. “Yes. It can wait.”

“Good.” She kissed my forehead, “Now sleep, and dream of me.”

“You’re all I’ve dreamed of… since I saw you from across the room and my heart beat… mine.” I drifted off with visions of Maya’s smile.

There is no evil without good. –Russian Proverb

A WEEK WENT BY, A WEEK where Jac refused to answer my texts, and the newspapers confirmed my worst fears.

The Pier Killer has been at it again, the crimes have been more abhorrent. Two female college students were found in the U district, their mouths taped shut, their eyes completely missing from their faces right along with every single female organ. Police are offering a monetary reward for any information. The total known victims of this serial killer now numbered twelve women.

I scowled and pushed the newspaper away. Most of the Italians had left, but Phoenix had stayed. I couldn’t wait for him to leave. It was nauseating, hearing him talk to his wife on the phone all hours of the day. I told him we had things handled. Ever since Sergio helped take down Petrov’s empires, I hadn’t heard from him or from any of his Byki’s.

I’d gone to the clinic four times in search of any information on Jac, but it was just as a I left it, the only change was that women were no longer getting brought to my door—which saddened me, not because it was part of my research but because I worried about them, worried about the women who at times, only made it through the night because they knew that when they came to my clinic I would make them forget.

It was my gift to them.

Because it was all I had to offer.

Heal them both physically and mentally, and if I can do neither… offer them another option.

I tapped my fingertips against the newspaper as anxiety built inside my chest. Maya was showering. She’d been inside the apartment all week, and I thought it would be nice for her to at least get outside and grab a coffee or something.

Phoenix walked back in the room and glanced down at the newspaper. “When are you going to tell her?”

Loaded question for seven in the morning. “I was going to tell her last week, then the following day, and the day after that, I don’t even know how to start.”

Phoenix pulled out a chair and sat. “Well you can always start with… you know those horror stories from the seventeen hundreds….”

“You aren’t funny.”

Phoenix shrugged. “Wasn’t trying to be. It is the truth, isn’t it? Sergio found some interesting shit on you, I’d have given my right arm to read that history… but some things are better left burned.”

“Yes.” Voice hoarse I shoved the newspaper off the table and covered my face with my hands. “I have to kill her.”

“You have no other choice.” Phoenix agreed. “It is what’s best.”

“But I love her.”

“I never said you didn’t… but she cannot go on like this, there’s been too much psychological damage, she’s… going to go insane, and—”

“I know.” I was disgusted with the whole situation. “Just… give me some time.”

He shook his head. “Not something you have in spades, man. Do it tonight, or I do it for you.”

I jumped to my feet. “The hell you will!”

“Then get your head out of your ass and get it done.” He seethed, stomping off into the living room.

I smacked my hand against the counter top just as Maya walked around the corner stumbling into the chair Phoenix had accidently kicked over. She looked pale.

“Are you feeling well?” I asked.

“Yes.” She nodded her head vigorously. “You know, I really am… feeling…” She tugged at her shirt. “Hot and cooped up. You think I can just head down to the lobby and grab a coffee on my own? Maybe sit outside?” She swallowed like she was nervous as I stood. “By myself.”

I narrowed my eyes. It’s not that I didn’t want her to have her freedom, I just didn’t like the idea of her going downstairs without a bodyguard, and the original plan had been to get some fresh air together. Then again, there were security guards everywhere; I also had access to all lobby cameras. “Sure.” Even as I said it, doubt crept in, making me anxious. I shrugged it off. “Just be safe, and bring your phone?”

“Great!” She smiled brightly and went to the door, opened it, then slammed it behind her while I was left wondering why something felt wrong.