“Yes. My maids just left and will be gone for about an hour. Please sit,” I offered, gesturing to my table.

“I don’t think so, miss. I feel like I need to say this quickly and go.”

“Oh.” I’d built up a fragile kind of hope around this meeting, as stupid as it was, and now . . . Well, now I didn’t know what to expect.

I saw how uneasy he was, and I hated it. I couldn’t stand the feeling that I somehow contributed to it.

“Officer Woodwork,” I started quietly. “You can tell me anything you want to. You don’t need to be so anxious.”

He let out a breath. “See, it’s things like that.”

“I’m sorry?”

Shaking his head, he began again. “That’s not fair. I’m not blaming you for anything. In fact, I wanted to come here to take some ownership of it, and to ask your forgiveness.”

I frowned. “I still don’t understand.”

He bit his lip, watching me. “I think I owe you an apology. Ever since I met you, I’ve been going out of my way, hoping to catch you in a hall or get to say hello to you.”

I tried to hide my smile. I’d been doing the same thing.

“The times we get to speak are some of the best times I’ve had in the palace. Listening to you laugh or hearing about your day or going over a subject with you that I’m not sure either of us understands, well, I’ve loved it all.”

His lip hitched up into that sideways smile, and I chuckled, thinking of those conversations. They were always too short or too quiet. I didn’t enjoy talking to anyone as much as to him.

“I love them, too,” I admitted.

His smile faltered. “I think that’s why they need to stop.”

Did someone actually punch me in the stomach, or was that just my imagination?

“I think I’m crossing a line. I only ever meant to be friendly with you, but the more I see you, the more I feel like I have to hide it. And if I’m hiding it, then I must be too close to you.”

I blinked back tears. From the very first day, I’d done the same thing, telling myself it was nothing while knowing it wasn’t.

“You’re his,” he said, talking to the floor. “I know that you’re the people’s favorite. Of course you are. The royal family will take that into account for sure before the prince makes his final choice. If I keep whispering things to you in hallways, am I committing treason? I must be.”

He shook his head again, trying to figure out his feelings.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I came here for him, and I promised to be faithful; and if anything between you and me could be considered more than platonic, then it should stop.”

We stood there, staring at the floor. I was having a hard time catching my breath. Clearly, I’d been hoping this conversation would take the opposite direction—but I hadn’t even been aware of that until it didn’t.

“This shouldn’t hurt this much,” I mumbled.

“No, it shouldn’t,” he agreed.

I ducked my head, rubbing the heel of my hand into an aching spot on my chest. My eyes flitted up, and I saw that Carter was doing the exact same thing.

I knew at that moment. I knew he felt whatever I felt. It may not have been what was supposed to happen, but how could we deny it now? What if Maxon did choose me? Did I have to say yes? What if I was stuck here married to one man while watching the person I truly wanted walking around my home every day?

No.

I would not do this to myself.

Abandoning every ladylike notion in my head, I darted to the door, shutting it. I ran back to Carter, placed my hand behind his neck, and kissed him.

There was a split second of hesitation before his arms went around me, then he held me to him as if I was something he needed to live.

When we pulled apart, he shook his head, scolding himself. “Lost that war. No hope for retreat now.” But while his words were filled with remorse, the little smirk on his face gave away that he was as happy as I was.

“I can’t be without you, Carter,” I said, using the name he’d only recently shared with me for the first time.

“This is dangerous. You understand that, right? This could kill us both.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, the tears falling on my cheeks. With his love or without it, either way I was inviting death.

I woke up to the sound of moans. For a second I couldn’t think of where I was. Then it came rushing back to me. The Halloween party. The caning. Carter . . .

The room was poorly lit, and, looking around, I saw it was only big enough for the cots that he and I were sprawled out on. I tried to push myself up and immediately shrieked. I wondered how long my hands would be useless.

“Marlee?”

I turned to Carter, propping myself on my elbows. “I’m here. I’m okay. I tried to use my hands.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He sounded like he had rocks in his throat.

“How are you?”

“Alive,” he joked. He was lying on his stomach, but I could see the smile on his face. “It hurts to move at all.”

“Can I help you?” I slowly got to my feet and peered over at him. The bottom half of his body was covered in a sheet, and I had no idea what if anything I could do to ease his pain. I saw a table in the corner with jars and bandages on it, as well as a piece of paper, and hobbled over to it.

He hadn’t signed it, but I knew Maxon’s handwriting.

When you wake up, change your bandages. Use the salve in the jar. Apply it with the cotton swabs to avoid infection and try not to wrap the gauze too tight. The pills will help as well. Then rest. Do not attempt to leave this room.

“Carter, I have some medicine for us.” I gingerly unscrewed the cap using only the tips of my fingers. The smell of the slightly thick substance was reminiscent of aloe.

“What?” He turned his face toward me.

“There are bandages and instructions.”

I looked at my wrapped hands and tried to think of how I was going to manage this.

“I’ll help you,” Carter offered, reading my mind.

I smiled. “This is going to be hard.”

“Absolutely,” he murmured. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined you would be seeing me naked for the first time.”

I couldn’t fight the laugh that came out. And I fell in love all over again. In less than a day I’d been beaten and made an Eight, and was waiting to be exiled to who knew where. Still, I was laughing.

What princess could have more?

It was impossible to judge how much time had passed, but we didn’t try to call out or knock on the door.

“Have you thought about where they’ll send us?” Carter asked. I was on the floor beside him, running the tips of my fingers across his short hair.

“If I got a choice, I’d pick someplace hot over someplace cold.”

“I have a feeling it will be one of the extremes, too.”

I sighed. “I’m scared not to have a home.”

“Don’t be. I might be a little worthless at the moment, but I can take care of us. I even know how to build an igloo if we end up somewhere cold.”

I smiled. “Do you really?”

He nodded. “I’ll build you the prettiest igloo, Marlee. Everyone will be so jealous.”

I kissed his head over and over. “You’re not worthless, by the way. It’s not like—”

The door made a ratcheting sound, then opened. Three people walked in wearing brown hooded cloaks, and I felt a wave of fear.

Then the first person pulled off his hood, revealing himself. I gasped and leaped to my feet to embrace Maxon, forgetting again about my hands and gasping at the pain.

“It will be all right,” Maxon promised as I drew back my hands. “The salve takes a few days to get everything back to normal, but, Carter, even you should be walking on your own soon. You’ll heal much faster than most.”