“My buddy Tyler offered, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking him up on it.” His brow furrowed. “He’s a good guy and all, but he’s kinda heavy on the party scenes, and I’m trying to cut back. Contrary to what you saw last night, I’m trying to not make it a habit to go out and get drunk. I just kind of slipped.”

I nodded, wishing I could help him. I wanted to see him get out of there, but what could I do about it if he refused to tell our parents he was home? “I didn’t think you were constantly out partying, for what it’s worth. And thank you for helping me last night.”

“It’s the least I could do considering…” He gestured toward her with his hand. “Well, all things considered. You know.”

The fact that he felt so bad about what he’d done, for so many years, showed me just how much he had changed. The old Jackson hadn’t cared. He’d walked away without even looking slightly sorry. But this one? The one in front of me? He was different.

And he deserved a second chance.

“What about telling your mom you’re back?” I picked up my coffee. “Would it really be so bad?”

“I’m not ready.” He bounced his knee. “I won’t go down that road till I’m ready, and that’s that. I need more time.”

More time for what, I didn’t know.

But it wasn’t any of my business.

“Okay.” I smiled at him, and he blinked at me, as if I’d surprised him. “Your secret is safe with me. I promise not to ruin it.”

Reaching out, he cupped my cheek and smiled back at me. “Thank you. You’re even more beautiful than before, Lilly. Both inside and out.”

I pressed against his hand without really intending to. But his palm against my skin felt…good. Right. As if it should have been there all along. And I knew my feelings for him hadn’t died. He might have changed, and he might not want me anymore, but I wanted him. And if I had even the tiniest sign that he still wanted me, too?

Nothing would stop me from having him.

“Thanks, Jackson. You, too.”

Staring at his hand on my cheek as if he wasn’t sure how it got there, he pushed his chair back and stood, withdrawing his touch. “Look, it’s been great catching up, and I’m happy we got to clear the air. I am. But I have to go.”

“It was nice seeing you again,” I said softly. “If you ever need anything, let me know.”

He nodded, waved, grabbed his coffee, and walked out of my life.

Again.

Chapter 5

Jackson

The next morning, the encounter with Lilly was still fresh on my mind. It had been nice seeing her, talking with her, and I think I managed to clear the air with my apology. And she seemed to accept it. I’d made amends. Proved I’d changed.

But the thing was, I wasn’t so sure I had.

Despite everything, I still wanted her.

Shutting off the water, I set my toothbrush in the holder, twisting it till it sat just right, and dried off my hands. Then I wiped down the sink and made sure the bathroom was tidy before walking out. This place might be a shithole, and I might not have to have my bunk inspected every night by my superior, but it was all I had.

And old habits die hard, like the assholes they were.

Rotating my shoulders in a circle, I flinched. The muscles directly below my shoulder always ached where the ISIS asshat had shot me. It hadn’t been the first time I’d been taken down by enemy fire, but it had been the shot that ended my career. One simple bullet that had taken all my plans and killed them.

Too bad it hadn’t killed me, too.

Sometimes I wished it had.

A knock sounded on my door. I frowned, not sure who would be knocking. No one knew where I was. No one except…

Lilly.

Stepping into a pair of sweats, I headed for the door, running my hands through my hair. If it was Lilly, I had to watch myself. Make sure I didn’t say anything stupid. Again. I’d managed to hold it together yesterday, and I needed to do so again today.

After opening the door, I would politely greet her, thank her for coming, and send her on her way before I said or did anything to ruin the moment. Pasting a stupid-ass grin on my face, I twisted the knob and pulled…

I choked on the words I’d been ready to say, because standing on my doorstep wearing a prim white dress, black heels, and a sunhat was Lilly Hastings. I’d known it was likely her, but nothing prepared me for how gorgeous she looked this morning. My gut tightened, and so did my chest, like someone had sucker punched me.

She looked so pure and clean and good. All the things I wasn’t.

Instead of Thanks for coming, or, Hey, how are you? I found myself saying, “What the hell are you doing here again?”

She gripped her bag tighter, and juggled two cups of coffee with her free hand. She had dark shades on, but I swear I felt her attention waver south, lingering on my abs. “Nice to see you, too, Jackson.”

“Sorry, sorry. Hi. How are you?” I leaned on the door, way too aware of the fact that all I wore was a loose pair of sweats. Sweats that would hide absolutely nothing if I let the primal urges of my body get away from me. “Uh…do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” She brushed past me, leaving a trail of expensive perfume to tease my senses. I was wrong the other night. She didn’t just smell like flowers. There was a hint of vanilla, too. “How are you doing?”

I closed the door behind her, but stayed where I was. I wasn’t sure why she was here, or why she’d brought coffee and a brown bag of whatever she had, but I didn’t want to make any mistakes with her…again. “I’m good. About to head to work…”

“Oh, right. Of course. Me, too.” She took her sunglasses off and smiled. I leaned on the door and crossed my arms, trying to look as if she hadn’t shaken me by showing up at my motel, looking as fresh as a warm spring breeze. “You sure you’re okay?”

I cleared my throat and shifted my feet, hoping like hell she didn’t come any closer. “Yeah. Why not?”

“You look nervous or something.”

“I’m not.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “You shouldn’t have come here, though. Just because you know where I am, because you drove me home while I was drunk, doesn’t mean you should just stop by. This isn’t exactly a nice neighborhood.”

I stared at her ass, because it was there. And perfect. I’d have to be a saint not to admire the way her casual dress hugged her curves—and I was no saint.

“I know. But I was thinking about what you said, and—”

“If this is about what I said when I was drunk, whatever it was, I didn’t mean it.” I jerked my gaze off her ass, because it kind of proved I did. “I didn’t—”

“What? No. It’s fine. You were fine.” She set her glasses down on the coffee table gingerly, as if scared the rickety table might break if she pushed too hard, and unloaded the coffee and food, too. “Everyone says things they regret when they’re drunk.”

I bet she didn’t. Hell, I bet she’d never even been drunk before. The irrational urge to get her drunk off her ass hit me. I bet she was a giggler. “Yeah.”

An awkward silence fell, and she walked around the crappy motel room, touching this and that. I still didn’t move from the door, painfully aware that the entire space was probably the size of her closet back.

I was sure she was, too.

This place was shabby, at best. Questionable at worst. But when I came home, I needed some time and space to think. It was customary to send injured men back to their home base, but I wished they hadn’t sent me back here. I wasn’t ready to face my mother yet. Not until I had a clear plan of what I wanted to do with my life. The only place I could go where people didn’t know me around town was here. No one I knew came to this part of town. Hell, I didn’t even come here. And yet she had.