Once I’d caught my breath, I nodded, more distracted by his hand on my back than my near death from choking. “I can’t believe you called him that.”

“Did I insult you?” he asked. Even though he asked, I had a feeling he didn’t care in the slightest whether or not he had. His hand rested on my back, and this close, I could see the darker brown flecks in his pupils. I couldn’t look away.

“The opposite.” I took in a deep breath, but it caught in my throat. “I don’t really like him all that much. Not like a wife should like a husband, anyway.”

He frowned, his forehead wrinkling a little bit. “That’s hardly the way to start a marriage.”

“Most end that way,” I said, shrugging, even though I agreed with him one hundred percent. “If I end up marrying him, I’m just jumping the gun, that’s all.”

“If?”

“Like I said.” I lifted a shoulder. “I’m trying to make my own choices.”

He stepped back, taking his hand with him. The muscles in between my shoulders bunched immediately, as if protesting the loss. But at the same time, I let out a sigh of relief. When he touched me like that, it made it hard to remember he was my stepbrother. “Have you ever done anything for yourself, just because you wanted to?”

“Yes.” I swallowed another sip of beer and held it out to him. He took it, studying me as he lifted it to his mouth and took a long drink. “Once.”

His nostrils flared, and he let out a short laugh. “Kissing me doesn’t count.”

“Why not?”

“Because you were practically a baby, and I took advantage of you that night, and we both know it.” He winced. “Again, so sorry.”

I ignored the stab of pain his truthful words brought me. “I also moved here when I started sophomore year because I didn’t want to have Daddy breathing down my back anymore. That was for me.”

He nodded. “Did you suggest this place, or did he?”

“He did.” I walked over to the stainless-steel fridge and leaned against it, frowning at the dark maple cabinets. “I wanted a dorm, but he said—oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” He smirked and set the now-empty beer down. “That doesn’t really count, either.”

I frowned. “Yeah, I guess not.”

He smiled and scratched his head. Without really meaning to, I watched the way his biceps and pecs flexed and moved as he did so, making my fingers itch to touch. He skimmed the back of his knuckles over my cheek, barely touching me, but I felt it down to my core.

“Tell you what.” He caught my fingers. “I have a job for you.”

I swallowed hard, because the way his fingers felt against my skin was startling. There was no other word for it. “Hmm?”

“I want you to do something for me.” He paused. “Wait, scratch that. Not for me. For you. And only for you.”

I laughed uneasily, not sure where he was going with this. “What do you want me to do?”

“For the first time in your life, do something you shouldn’t do. Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but that you know you’re not supposed to. Kind of like by that pool, only I won’t be included this time. Do it with yourself.” He smiled at me, stepping back. It wasn’t far enough. I could still smell him all over me. “Do something bad, and love it.”

Little did he know, I had already decided to do that two days ago, after seeing Derek with someone else. But there was only one thing I wanted to do for myself right now that was forbidden, that was “bad.” And if I thought he might want to do it, too, nothing would stop me. Because there was only one thing I wanted, even though I knew I shouldn’t. Only one thing filled me with desire, need, and rebellious passion.

Him.

Chapter 7

Jackson

The second the words were out of my mouth, I groaned inwardly. They sounded really raunchy, but I hadn’t meant them that way. I was still intent on making sure this relationship between us remained one hundred percent platonic. It was the only way to pay my dues. To be the man she wanted me to be.

I meant that. I did.

And she should go out and have a little fun.

But this was Lilly Hastings, and the most disobedient thing she’d ever done in her life besides kissing me was probably jaywalking. Daring her to do something that was for her, and only her, would probably lead to nowhere good. I had a feeling she’d either go too big, or way too small. Damned if I didn’t hope it was the former.

And that I’d be involved.

I was trying my best to act like a stepbrother should. To play the part handed to me, and to behave as expected for once in my life. To try my best not to let anyone down. It was the least I could do. I had a feeling I failed miserably, though.

Because my damn dick wouldn’t shut the hell up.

She bit down on her tongue, and the pink tip peeked through from between her white teeth. I’d never been so intoxicated by a tongue before. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m already doing that.”

“Huh?” I asked. The beers I’d pounded back made my brain slow and my reactions slower. But when she reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it once before letting go, I felt that instantly. “Already doing what?”

“Stuff for myself. It’s why I went dancing with those guys the other night. I was having fun—and if I went home with one of them instead of you, then that would’ve been just for me, too. No one else. Well…I guess the guy would’ve benefited, too, but still.”

I forced a smile, even though the idea of her going home with one of those guys sat wrong in the bottom of my gut. Every time we touched, I edged closer to doing something colossally stupid. Like declaring her off-limits to all other guys, effective immediately. Yet I kept touching her, because I couldn’t stop myself. I was a stubborn asshole like that. “Good. That’s a great start. Go home with whoever you want to go home with. No one’s going to stop you.”

We stared at one another, a thick tension in the air. She was looking at me as if she wanted to go home with me, and I was doing my best to ignore it. It was hard, but I was still going to do my damnedest. I wasn’t going to mess this up. It didn’t matter how she looked at me, or how much I knew she wanted me—because she did; I saw it—I wouldn’t act on my desire. I would ignore it. Be good, for her sake.

She didn’t need me in her life, messing shit up.

At least…I didn’t think she did. The woman standing in front of me in a pair of skin-tight black leggings, an off-the-shoulder white tee, and a pair of boots was not the girl I’d kissed by the pool a lifetime ago. And I wasn’t the boy she’d written to.

She would realize that soon enough.

“Anyway…” She tucked her hair behind her ear and rose on her tiptoes, looking over my shoulder. “I’ll help you carry that stuff up.”

And come into my room with me? Hell to the no. “I got it. You just need to let me know which room is mine. I didn’t want to go up there, poking around.”

“Oh.” She let out a soft laugh and walked past me, scrunching her nose as she went. It was adorable. “Right. Come on. I’ll show you the two rooms that are empty, and you can have your pick.”

I followed her, grabbing a box as I went. Might as well be productive. She did the same, despite my assurances I could do it alone. When she bent over to pick up a box, her ass was on display, considering the way those pants hugged the hottest body God had ever created. I forced myself to look away.