She hesitated but nodded. “What made you change your mind?”

I paused, looking down at her, the room’s shadows hiding her eyes. I shrugged, trying to ignore the fact that none of this felt right. That I wanted to be more than a fucking dirty little secret. “You’re an amazing woman and if this is all I’ll ever have of you, I’ll take it. And if you get married, we go on with life and pretend this never happened. Go back to being just stepsiblings.”

She bit down on her tongue and nodded again. “We don’t have any other choice, right?”

There was always a choice, but I refused to beg her for more. I wouldn’t be that guy. I’d take what she offered and try to be content with it. “Not that I can see.” I moved my fingers inward, creeping closer to her core, despite my earlier request for a reprieve. My body was ready and willing for another round. I had a feeling I’d never get my fill of her. “But until then, we can have a hell of a time together. Do we have a deal?”

Wiggling her hips, she grinned. “Indeed we do.”

“I tried to resist this. To resist you. I even thought about finding another woman to screw so I could forget about you. So I could pretend she was you. Get you out of my system.” When she stiffened underneath me, I laughed and rested a finger on her parted lips, my knuckles resting on her chin. “Don’t worry. It didn’t work.”

She sagged against the mattress. “I was hoping to find someone at the bar the other night, but the minute I walked in, I knew there would never be anyone who could compare with you.”

Instead of giving me pleasure, her words made me shift my weight. Knowing she couldn’t have me, and I couldn’t have her, hit me hard in the gut. When I was gone, I didn’t want her to miss me. “No matter what happens with Derek, you’ll find a man who will appreciate you properly one day.”

She gave me a sad smile. “If you think it’ll work out for me, does that mean now you think you’ll find someone, too?”

“Does it matter?” I asked.

She pursed her lips, not answering. No matter what happened, or who I ended up with, if anyone at all, it wouldn’t be her. And that sucked ass.

“That’s what I thought,” I said softly, dropping my mouth to her neck. I kissed it, rolling my hips against her at the same time. “Lilly…”

Her pulse skyrocketed, and she wrapped her legs around me. “I thought you needed a break.”

“What the hell do you think we just did?” I murmured. “We took five.”

Moaning, she arched her neck to give me better access. “Oh.”

“If you think I’m going to sleep without coming in that tight pussy of yours,” I said, nibbling on her ear as I positioned myself, “you don’t know me at all….”

She dug her nails into my shoulders and tightened her thighs on my hips. “Oh, my God. Yes.”

I reached between us and cupped her. Slipping two fingers inside her, I pressed my palm against her clit roughly. Just the way she liked it. “You’re already all wet for me.”

“Always,” she said quickly. Breathlessly. “You have no idea how badly I want you. You’re all I think about. All I dream about…”

I thrust a finger inside, rolling my thumb over her clit at the same time. “Damn. I have the same problem. What’s happening to us, Lilly? It’s like we’re haunting each other.”

“I know how to fix it,” she whispered, skimming her hands down my back till she reached my ass. Once there, she dug her fingers in and hauled me against my own fingers. “Take me. Hard. Now.”

Fuck, yeah. Groaning, I dropped my forehead on hers. “Do you have condoms in here?”

“No. But I’m on the pill.” She swallowed. “Are you…how many…are you clean?”

“There haven’t been many women, if that’s what you’re asking. A handful. Being overseas all the time isn’t the best hunting grounds for dating, so to speak.” I lifted up on my hands, staring down at where she pressed against me. “Even so, I’ve never fucked without a condom before. I’m clean. But are you sure?”

“I’ve been on the pill since I was seventeen.” She lifted her hips, pressing against my bare skin. Just one touch and I wanted more. I wanted all of her. “Nancy insisted, even though she knew I wasn’t sexually active. She said the last thing I needed was an accidental pregnancy ruining my life.”

I stiffened. “Oh.”

“Jackson…”

“Don’t.” I lowered my head, hiding my face from her. “I’ve known for a while. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“No. It’s not.” Gently, she cupped the sides of my face and urged it up. I didn’t resist her. I never could, so what the hell was the point in trying? “Don’t ever doubt that you were meant to be here. You were meant to help people, to save lives. From the moment you came into my life, you made it better. You showed me that there were possibilities in this world besides spending money and chairing committees. Whatever I would have been, I’m different now. You changed me.”

Something inside me released. I felt it in the way I watched her. In the way I cradled her closer, my breathing harsh, and didn’t want to let go. And I felt it deep within me, in my chest, where no one else would ever see it. Only me. It was as if we were…

Meant to be.

“Lilly…shit.” I kissed her, my mouth moving over hers with an urgency that hadn’t been there before. “The things you do to me…I’m gonna be honest. They scare me. You scare me. You always have. Even back when we were kids, I knew I could get attached to you very quickly, and that terrified me, because I swore to never let anyone in. But I don’t care. I’m gonna do it, anyway.”

My tongue entwined with hers, and my body came to life instantly, demanding more. But it wasn’t just the carnal side of this. It was more this time. As if everything within me needed her. And it was…alarming. It was too much. Too strong.

Too fast.

Moaning, she wrapped her legs around me again, urging me to do it. To take her. “Jackson…yes. I need you. I…I…”

“I know, love.” I positioned myself at her core, tensing as I slid inside her tight pussy. “Shit. That feels so good. It feels like…like…I finally found a home.”

She nodded frantically, and something crossed her eyes.

Something I didn’t want to examine.

But it made me wish, just for a second, that things could be different. That the damn ending to our story hadn’t already been written. I skimmed my knuckles over her cheekbone. She was so soft. So smooth. So very special, and so very not mine. “I don’t want to hurt you, though. Don’t let me.”

“I won’t.” She licked her lips and added, “Don’t let me hurt you.”

“Lilly,” I said softly. “It will be an honor to be hurt by you.”

She looked confused at that. As if she didn’t think it was possible to hurt me. Little did she know, the simple thought of her marrying another man sliced through me like a knife. “I won’t—”

My mouth melded to hers, cutting her words off, and I thrust inside her with one hard, smooth movement of my hips. The feel of her soft skin against my rough skin, in the most intimate way, made me groan. Every touch of her fingertips, every thrust inside her tight pussy, sent me into a wild abandoned need to come.

And when I did, she was right there with me.

I made sure of it.

When we were done, I curled up behind her and wrapped my arms around her securely. I didn’t want to let go. “Good night.”

“Good night,” she whispered back, pressing a fist against her lips.

Sighing, I kissed the back of her head, wriggled a little bit, and fell asleep. It was the first time I’d done that in months. Years, even, because with Lilly in my arms…

I found peace.

Chapter 17