I licked my lips and held the letters close to my chest. Knowing my silly little letters meant that much to him—helped him in any way—made my legs tremble. “I don’t want to kill you.”

“I know.” He took the letters out of my hand, set them down reverently on the table, and cupped my cheeks. “And that’s what makes this whole thing even worse. I can’t possibly want another woman when I have you—but I don’t even have you. He does. He always will.”

I shook my head, blinking away tears. “No. He’s never had me, and you know it. It’s only you. It’s only ever been you.”

And in that moment, I knew if he asked me, right here and now, to run away with him…I would be tempted. For the first time ever, I would want to turn my back on people who were depending on me. I would want to be selfish. To choose happiness for myself over the basic welfare of others. And that made shame churn in my stomach.

“I know how this is going to end. No happy endings for us, right?” he said, laughing and resting his forehead on mine. “You’re going to break my heart. Which is funny, considering the fact that up until I came back home to you, I wasn’t even sure if I had a heart.”

“That’s the last thing I want to do, Jackson.” Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “I never wanted to make things harder on you.”

His hold on me tightened. “I should walk away. Never look back.”

“If that’s what you want…” I swallowed hard and nodded joltingly. “Go ahead and do it. I won’t stop you. I don’t have the right to try to stop you.”

He smoothed the hair out of my vision tenderly. “And you’d what? Follow Walt’s orders and marry a guy you don’t love?”

“I told you, I make my own choices. Maybe I fall back on old patterns from time to time, but everything that’s happening, everything that will happen, it’s my choice.” I waited for his response, my fingers curling into the bottom of his tee. “Like you said, there’s always a choice.”

He studied me. “Sometimes it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it, though.”

Like right now. “So…” I forced my expression to remain neutral, even though the idea of him leaving ripped my palpitating heart out of my chest. “You’re leaving?”

“I said I should leave.” He slid his hands down my body, cupping my butt. “Not that I would.”

“You said I’m drowning you.” I gripped the fabric of his shirt tighter, even though I knew I should let him go.

“You are.” He nuzzled my neck. He smelled like vodka and cigarette smoke. “But it’s okay. It feels so good.”

I closed my eyes, trying to resist the temptation to kiss him again. He didn’t need me crawling all over him. He needed to get in bed and sleep off the booze. “Let’s get you cleaned up. You smell like you drank the whole bar.”

He nodded and backed off, yawning. “Yeah. Okay.”

We went into his bathroom, and I started the shower for him. The pink tiles from my youth seemed to mock me, and I glanced over my shoulder at him. “Why did you pick this room?”

“Because it was farther away from you.” He yanked his shirt over his head. I, once again, admired his tattoos, transfixed by the sight. “I was trying to keep my hands to myself.” He paused. “I failed.”

“So did I,” I whispered.

“I should be upset about failing, because I hate failing.” He undid his pants and let them hit the floor. “But I’m not, because being with you is worth a taste of failure. You’re worth it, and it’s going to sting like a bitch when I leave.”

I forced a smile. He was so drunk, he probably didn’t even know what he was saying. “You told me you were good at leaving.”

Jackson blinked at me. “I did?”

“Yes, when you first moved in. In the kitchen.”

“Oh.” He ruffled his hair before he pulled me into his arms. He was naked, and I was not, and it felt deliciously sordid. “I am good at leaving, but with you, I have a feeling it won’t be so easy.”

The selfish part of me wanted it to be true, but the rest of me hoped not. We couldn’t be together, so I didn’t want him to suffer. “I want you to walk away happy. Not sad.”

“Then I’d have to leave now. Rip the Band-Aid clean off.” He brushed his lips across mine. “Because the longer I stay, the sadder I’ll be. Unhappy endings suck. Do you want me to go now? Do you want to stop?”

“I don’t want to stop,” I whispered, straining to get closer. “I think I’ll never want to stop. I’m selfish when it comes to you. And I refuse to pretend otherwise.”

“Good, because neither do I.”

He tore my dress over my head and caught my lips with his. Sliding his hands under my butt, he lifted me in his arms, and I hung on for dear life as he carried us both into the shower. I didn’t want to let go. Couldn’t let go. And I had a feeling it would be even harder to do so…

When he left for real.

Chapter 18

Jackson

The next morning, it was a miracle I woke up without a raging, blinding headache. I should have. Between the amount of booze I imbibed, and the fight I picked with some asshat in the club, I should have been aching. But I woke up with Lilly in my arms for the fourth morning in a row, and there was no way in hell I would feel any pain when she was with me.

The pain would only come when she was gone.

I frowned, but shook that thought off. I refused to let anything bring me down today. Last night Lilly had been selfish. The altruistic thing to do would have been to push me away, to let me go for my own sake, but she couldn’t do it. Even now, she lay curled up in my arms, her hand on my chest. And for the first time in my life, I let myself think…

We could have a happy ending.

Maybe I could keep her.

If she’d been selfish once, maybe she could be again. Maybe she’d see that marriage to save a company was too big a sacrifice for anyone to reasonably make. We could be happy together. We’d leave here, move to Hawaii, where no one knew we were stepsiblings. We could build a life together. A future.

These thoughts should’ve scared the shit out of me.

Should’ve sent me running in the opposite direction.

Instead, I hugged her closer and smiled. To think, it all started with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. Lilly had kept trying to reach me. She showed me that when you invested in someone, they made your life happier. Letting down your walls didn’t make you weaker.

It made you stronger.

I loved Lilly, and I was all the better for it.

She stirred, stretching her arm straight ahead of her. The curve of her back contrasted against the ridges of my biceps. I’d never get sick of seeing that. Of studying the ways we were different and yet still fit together perfectly. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” She smiled up at me, and I saw myself in her eyes. Saw the man I could be. The man I wanted to be. “You stayed.”

I raised a brow. “Well, it is my room. My very pink room.”

“Oh.” She flushed. “Right.”

“But even if it wasn’t, I would have stayed.” I hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. “No way in hell I’m letting go of you…just yet.”

She smiled up at me and traced one of my tattoos. Three red sevens intertwined with a four-leaf-clover backdrop. “The feeling is mutual.”

“This feels good. Waking up with you in my arms.” I breathed in her flower-and-vanilla scent, knowing I’d never forget it. No matter what happened, I wouldn’t forget the way she smelled. “But you know what would feel even better?”