I didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s fine. Go on.”

For a second, she didn’t move. I thought maybe, just maybe, she might win that internal battle I could see waging inside her. Thought she might choose me.

But she shook her head and walked out the door, shutting it behind her. Pain splicing through my chest, I went into the kitchen and walked up to the breakfast I’d planned for her. I picked up the pan, walked to the sink, and dumped it.

She was ripping me apart, piece by piece, and like a fool, I kept going back for more. Kept offering another limb for her to tear off and shred. Continued to let myself fall into her web, more and more, until I all but guaranteed she would break my heart.

Like I had known she would do all along.

Had I really expected anything else from her, though? She left me behind without a sign of doubt or second-guessing that decision. Had chosen Derek.

She finally made her choice.

It was over.

Chapter 19

Lilly

“Thanks for driving me home,” I said to Derek.

He walked me to the door, staring at the dark house with a frown. Derek used to be as predictable as the sun rising in the east every morning, and setting in the west every night. Now he was more like a shooting star. Unpredictable and jagged at the edges.

“You’re welcome.” He focused those bright blue eyes of his on me and scratched his head. His brown hair was immaculately styled, as always. “What’s wrong? You seem distracted today. Upset, even.”

“Do I?” I asked. I gripped the knob behind me, wanting nothing more than to escape him. After hours of posing for pictures and planning a wedding I didn’t want, I was all tapped out. I had no more fake smiles to give. More than that, though, I wanted Jackson. “It’s been a long week. Lots of work. Not a lot of sleep.”

His brow wrinkled. “Is living with Jackson keeping you up?”

“N-no.” My cheeks heated, and I knew they had to be bright red. Like, cherry red. “Of course not. Why would he keep me up?”

“Because you’re not used to having someone in the house.” He studied me, stepping closer. Looming over me. “Why? What did you think I meant?”

“That,” I said quickly, forcing a smile despite my exhaustion. “But he’s quiet. I hardly ever notice he’s around.” Liar.

“I think he’s noticeable.” He frowned even more. “Too noticeable.”

I shifted uncomfortably and reached for the knob. “If you say so. Anyway—”

“Hold on.” He stepped even closer. “I want to try something.”

My heart lurched. “Like what?”

“A kiss.” His gaze dipped lower. “We’re getting married in a couple of months, and we haven’t kissed each other since Spin the Bottle at Missy Pemberington’s thirteenth birthday party.”

My stomach twisted in knots. I didn’t want to kiss him.

It felt wrong kissing anyone besides Jackson, which shouldn’t be the case.

Derek was my fiancé, not Jackson. His hand crept up and clutched at the back of my neck, but instead of sending my pulse skyrocketing like it did when Jackson touched me, it made my stomach twist in even tighter knots. “Derek…”

“Shh.” He smiled at me, but it was forced. Like this whole interaction felt. “Just…let me do this. Please?”

I didn’t say anything. Didn’t reject him.

Even though everything in my being screamed no.

He lowered his mouth to mine. The second our lips touched, I knew it was wrong. It was all wrong. I shouldn’t be kissing this man. And I definitely shouldn’t be marrying him. His lips were dry and cold. His kiss was passionless. Bile rose in the back of my throat, and for the second time that day, I had the urge to go running for the bathroom.

I even gagged a little bit.

He must’ve mistaken my gag for a moan or something, because he pressed closer, running his tongue over my lips. When he cupped my butt, I gasped and pushed him away, breathing heavily. “Stop.”

After catching his balance, he studied me emotionlessly. He seemed as moved as a boulder in the middle of a flat field. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this. This isn’t right. None of this is right.”

“But—” Derek cut himself off. He looked angry, and I could swear a little panicked, too. He grabbed my shoulder roughly. “Yes. You can. You’re marrying me. We’re going to have to kiss each other, you know.”

“Look, if we work together, if I have your support, we can come up with another way to save the companies,” I said in a rush. “I know you don’t want to marry me, or kiss me, or any of it. I—” I broke off and licked my lips, trying to decide how much to say. “Derek, I know. I saw you in that parking lot the other night. With your friend. In your car.”

He staggered back, letting me go, but quickly caught himself. The knowledge that he was caught, that his carefully crafted illusion had been stripped away, shone in his expression. “You saw nothing. Nothing. And if you dare to spread those lies about me—”

“I would never tell anyone,” I assured him quickly. “I’m not that kind of person.”

“I don’t believe you. Not when it would give you a valid reason to call off the wedding.” He crossed his arms. “Since you clearly don’t want to marry me.”

I shook my head. “No. I wouldn’t force you out.”

“Why not? My father would disown me, and so the wedding would be off since there would be no Thornton son for you to marry. No one would be angry at you for backing out due to my proclivities,” he said, his lip curling. “We both know it.”

“I don’t care about your sexual orientation,” I said slowly, wishing he didn’t have good reason to believe his family would turn on him. “But I do want to call the wedding off.”

“You can’t,” he said, gripping my hand again. “We have to marry.”

“But what if there’s another way?” I asked, clinging to his fingers. “What if there’s a way to save the companies and we don’t have to get married? You’d be free to do what you want, with who you want to do it, and so would I.”

“I wouldn’t be free to be me, and you know it,” he snapped. “As far as you being free, why does it matter? Why do you suddenly care so damn—oh, my God.” Knowledge lit up his expression, and he stepped back. “There’s someone else. Isn’t there?”

“I…I don’t…” I let go of him, not sure how much to admit. “I mean, yes. I have feelings for someone else.”

“And what makes you think I don’t?” He clenched his teeth and slammed a hand on the front door, right next to my head, trapping me between him and the door. I jumped. “Lilly, it doesn’t matter. They can’t matter. We’re getting married. Our families are depending on us.”

I placed my hands on his chest, keeping him at a distance. “We don’t have to get married for the merger to happen.”

“Yes, we do.” He gripped my chin, his hold tight and hard. “In case you’re forgetting, both companies’ articles of incorporation state that only family members can hold shares.”

I tried to yank free, but he only tightened his grip. “I went to a lawyer. She said we could file an amendment—”

“And invite all the gossip that would follow?” He snorted. “Not happening.”

“Wouldn’t a little gossip be worth it?” I said, finally breaking free of his hold. “For the companies to be safe and for the opportunity for us to live our own lives? What other option do we have?”

“There isn’t any. Don’t you think I tried to find one? Don’t you think we all did?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and scowled at me. “You’ve spent your whole life doing what was expected of you. Now is not the time to deviate from the plan.”