He reaches for my hand. “Hey.”

“What?” I don’t turn back to him.

“I’m not going to pressure you, you know.”

That’s good to hear. “I know.”

“You’ve never…”

“I so don’t want to have this conversation.” I let go of his hand, walk to the bed, and open my bag. “Can we please just work on trig?”

“Sure.” For the first time ever, he grabs the desk chair and pulls it over to the bed. Great. Now I’ve made him totally uncomfortable thanks to my lameness.

We spend an hour doing nothing but trig. I want to smack myself for so many reasons. First, the problems I missed on today’s test were so easy. I don’t know how I blanked on them. But more than that, I inadvertently admitted I’m a virgin to Toby, of all people, and he hasn’t even so much as touched my hand since. This night is officially ruined.

After we finish studying, I take off. I tell Tori I’m beat, and I drive home. Mom and Dad saved me a plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and even though I’m not hungry, I force it down and tell them about my day. Most of it, anyway.

“Why do you think you struggled with your test?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, I thought Toby’s been tutoring you every night.” Dad adjusts his glasses, his gaze never leaving me.

“I think my nerves got the best of me. I knew this chapter inside out yesterday, and it all came back to me during my tutoring session this afternoon. I just have to find a way to make this stuff stick in my head long enough to take the exams.” I shrug a shoulder. “Toby and I doubled our tutoring time, so hopefully that will help.”

Mom reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “Just keep trying your best. I’m sure it will all make sense to you soon.”

I hope so. Because between trig and Toby, my life is a mess.

After dinner I go upstairs and climb into bed. I study for my make-up Spanish quiz on Thursday and then turn out the light. My cell rings just as I close my eyes. Toby.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Can you talk?”

“Sure.” Even though I’m not in the same room with him, I’m still self-conscious after our almost conversation.

“I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He’s not the one who went and made things awkward.

“Look, you know I like you, right?”

Does he still? “I guess.”

“What do you mean you guess?”

“I thought maybe after—”

“Wow.” He’s silent for a moment. “I didn’t realize you thought of me like that. I thought you knew me better.”

Great, now I’ve offended him too. I should go before I ruin this completely.

“I’m not that guy. Yeah, I like kissing you, but this isn’t just about physical stuff.”

I sit up, wanting to catch every word he says.

“I know you, Becca. I know you better than I think you know yourself.”

“What do you mean? That’s not even possible.”

“Really? ’Cause I remember you buying a shirt that totally wasn’t you.”

“I did that to get your attention. I thought you’d like me better if I dressed like—”

“Meredith?” He sighs. “You really don’t know me as well as I’d hoped.”

“I’m sorry, but Tori wasn’t wrong earlier. It did seem like you liked Meredith.” I know I wasn’t imagining it. Not if Tori saw it too.

“Maybe I did for a little while. But girls who are always there, never giving you any breathing room, get old fast. I think that’s why I like sneaking around with you. I get a chance to miss you. I look forward to seeing you, even if it’s only for a minute, like when I pulled you out of trig.”

He’s right. Maybe the reason so many couples at Lansfield High implode after two weeks is because they’re always together. They get tired of each other. “I get what you’re saying.”

“You do? You’re not mad that I don’t want to be attached at the hip? Not even after we can come clean to Tori? If we can come clean?”

“No, I’m not mad. I don’t want to be like every other couple in school.”

“Good. Me neither. So, are we cool?”

“Yeah. We’re cool.”

He doesn’t say a word, but I know he’s smiling. “Now about skydiving this weekend.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. You said you knew me.”

“I do. That’s why I know you’re going to come with me.”

I laugh. “You’re crazy. I’m not jumping out of a plane at thirty thousand feet.”

“It’s only ten thousand feet, and yes, you are.”

“Oh, well if it’s only ten thousand feet…”

“Sarcasm, I like it—but you’re still going.”

“Not even if you drag me there.”

“I wouldn’t drag you. It’s too far.”

He’s the only person who can get under my skin and still make me smile. “Not happening. I don’t care what you say.”

“What if I get Ryder to go out with Tori? She’ll be busy with him, and since she’ll be breaking her own stupid rule about not dating each other’s friends, we could go public.”

That might actually work. “You play dirty, you know that?”

“Hey, it’s totally your call. Think it over.” He pauses. Am I supposed to think it over right this second? “Oh, and, Becca?”

“Yeah?”

“Sweet dreams.” He hangs up, and I know I’ll have nightmares of plummeting to my death from ten thousand feet, because he’s right. I am willing to jump out of a plane for him.

Chapter Thirteen

The rest of the week goes by pretty quickly. I ace my make-up Spanish quiz and redeem myself in the eyes of Senora Gomez. I got a C minus on my trig test, which is better than the previous ones, but according to Mr. Rollar, I need to pull all Bs and As on the rest of my tests if I want to pass the class. I assure him that I’m keeping up with my double tutoring sessions and I’ll do better on the next test. He says I have one more chance before he calls home.

The best part of the week is my new plan for fifth period. I have study hall with Mrs. Engleberg, and since she’s getting kind of old, she has a tendency to nod off. So, Toby and I meet behind the stage, which is empty that period. It’s definitely become the highlight of my day. Now that I know he’s in this for more than just making out, I’m happy to do just that every chance we get. I still haven’t agreed to go skydiving, but we both know I will. And it’s fun to make him beg.

“Say yes.” He lightly kisses my neck as I lean against the prop cabinet.

“I’m still thinking about it.”

“You are not.” He kisses my collarbone, sending goose bumps down my arms.

I raise his face. “You think you know me that well, huh?”

He nods and buries his face in my neck.

I gently push him away. “I’m so not going to explain a hickey to your sister.”

“Sorry. Got a little carried away.” He brings his lips to mine, and now it’s my turn to get carried away. I pull his hips closer, closing the space between us. My fingers inch their way up his back, my nails digging into him. I can feel his eyes on me, so I open mine. His fingers climb under my shirt and up my stomach. I close my eyes again, letting him know I’m okay with this, and I deepen the kiss.

I’m completely breathless by the time the bell rings. We don’t usually cut the entire period, so I hope Mrs. Engleberg didn’t notice I was missing. She’ll never believe I was in the bathroom all period.

“I have to go.” I bend down and pick up my bag.

“I reserved our jumps for ten o’clock tomorrow morning.” He gives me a wink and walks off the stage. I smile and shake my head. That boy is too damn cute. I wait a minute before exiting the stage, making sure enough people are between Toby and me in the halls. I’m late getting to my locker because I stop in the bathroom to apply lip gloss and fix my hair. Tori can spot signs of a make-out session from a mile away.

“Where have you been?” she asks, when I finally get to my locker.

“Bathroom.”

“You’re not going to believe this, but I just saw Toby and his lips are red and swollen. You know what that means, right?”