“That’s awful, but don’t you see? That’s their fault. They were stupid for letting you go.”

She wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Just shut up, okay? I can’t listen to you defend him. It’s obvious you’d rather be with him, so go.”

“You’re my best friend.”

“No, I’m not. You don’t keep something like this from your best friend.” Her arms flail again and I step back. “You don’t date your best friend’s brother when you know it’s the one thing she doesn’t want you to do. And you don’t lie about it for—how long has this been going on? You said it was before Meredith. How far before?”

“It’s not like that. This isn’t just a crush. We didn’t want to tell you right away because we wanted to make sure there was something between us, something worth—”

“Ruining our friendship for?” she screams in my face.

“I thought our friendship would be strong enough to withstand this. I thought as my best friend you’d understand that I fell for someone. I love him, Tori. I love him. I wouldn’t have risked our relationship if I didn’t feel this strongly.”

“You…” Her breath is uneven, raspy. She shakes her head. “You can’t love him.” The word love is strained, like it’s difficult to say.

“I do.” I step toward her, hoping that the words will sink in, make her understand.

“I love her too.” Toby stands next to me, but as soon as he does, Tori’s eyes dart back and forth between us.

“No.”

“Please.” I reach for her hand, but she jerks away.

“Don’t. Don’t touch me.” Her eyes fall on Toby’s and then mine. “Either of you. We’re done. Leave me alone. For good.” She rushes for the door, struggling with the doorknob. I try to go after her, but Toby holds me back.

“Let her go.”

“No, I can’t.” Tears stream down my cheeks. “She’s my best friend.”

The door slams shut. She’s gone.

“Tori.” Her name is like an echo, a memory.

“She needs time. If you go after her now, it will only make this worse.”

“I ruined everything. Our friendship, her party. What was I thinking? I should’ve told her when I first had feelings for you.”

He pulls me to him. “If you had, we wouldn’t be together right now. She would’ve gotten angry, and you would’ve hidden your feelings from me.”

Is that true? Would Tori have stood between us? Probably. “I don’t think I would’ve been able to hide my feelings for you. Even if she told me I couldn’t like you, I still would’ve kissed you that night in your room. You can’t just turn off feelings, no matter how much you might want to.”

“I know. I think deep down, she knows it too. You just have to give her time.”

Time. Just like Kim Kwan had to give her sister-in-law time. I don’t want to lose Tori for years.

“She wasn’t wrong. She and I are like sisters, and I betrayed her.”

“Don’t say that. If you two are like sisters, it makes our relationship really weird and complicated.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood.” He rubs my arm. “I don’t want to see you like this. I know we both screwed up, but if Tori’s really your best friend, she should want you to be happy, even if it’s with me.”

I agree, but after what I’ve done, I’m in no position to go making demands of Tori right now. I have to hope that she comes to this conclusion on her own. That she sees losing our friendship over this silly rule of hers isn’t worth it. But I know Tori. I know how much she hates to be wrong. How much she stands her ground. I’m not sure she’ll ever get over this.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I try calling Tori sixteen times on Sunday. She never came out of her room after she caught Toby and me kissing. She missed the rest of her party. All because of me. Her voice mail beeps, and I leave message number seventeen.

“Tori, please talk to me. Let me explain. I don’t want to do this over your voice mail. I need you to talk to me. I need my best friend back. Please.” I don’t know what else to say that I haven’t already, so I hang up.

Mom knocks on my open door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” I stare at my phone in my hands.

“She still won’t talk to you?”

I broke down and cried to Mom last night, so she knows the whole story. She knows I’m with Toby. She knows I’m a crappy best friend. She sits down on my bed and pats my knee. “I’ll take your silence as a no.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I’m just…” I shrug. There are no words for how I feel right now.

“I know. Have you talked to Toby?”

“Not really. He called this morning to check on me, but that was it. We didn’t think we should hang out today.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I imagine Tori needs some time to process all this.”

I look at Mom. She’s the most caring and loyal person I know. “You must be so disappointed in me.”

She sighs and shakes her head. “I think you should’ve told Tori how you were feeling, but I don’t blame you for liking Toby. We can’t help who we fall in love with.”

I never mentioned anything about love. “How—?”

She holds up her hand. “I was seventeen once too. I remember what it’s like.”

“It’s not fair. I love Tori. She’s the greatest friend ever, but she never would’ve let me date Toby. She would’ve forbidden me from seeing him. And then what? I really would’ve had to choose between them.”

“Have you told her that?”

“How can I?” I stare at my phone again. “She won’t answer any of my calls.”

“Keep trying. You have to show her how upset you are. Let her see she isn’t the only one hurting right now.”

I nod. “Can I skip school tomorrow?”

She narrows her eyes. “Why would you do that? That’s the one place she can’t avoid you.”

I didn’t think of it like that, but it’s true. I know Tori’s schedule. Even if she tries to avoid me, she can’t. I can stay two steps ahead of her, even if it means I’m late to every class and have to spend the week in detention. Toby will be there anyway after his little trip to the girls’ room to see me.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Any time, sweetie. I wish I could do more for you. I hate seeing you so upset.”

“I’ll be okay.” Somehow, I’ll make Tori listen to me. After that, I just have to hope she’ll forgive me.

Monday morning can’t come soon enough. I wake up an hour early and don’t even try falling back to sleep. I know it’s pointless. I’m too wired. I get ready and head to Tori’s favorite coffee shop to buy her a large mocha coffee and a hazelnut scone. I’m the first student in the parking lot, and I’ve beaten most of the teachers to school too. I head right to Tori’s locker and wait.

Thirty minutes later, the first students trickle into the hallways. Everyone’s talking about Tori’s party. That and the massive blowout between Tori, Toby, and me. Apparently some people had migrated upstairs and caught the tail end of our argument. They were nosy enough to tell everyone else. I get several looks from students passing by Tori’s locker.

Finally, Tori and Ryder walk my way. Tori’s face turns every shade of purple when she sees me. She starts to turn away, but Ryder takes her arm and pulls her toward me. She’ll give him hell for that later, I’m sure.

“Let go of me, Ryder.”

“Just talk to her. You’re going to be miserable if you don’t, and then I’ll be miserable too. End it.” He turns her shoulders so she’s facing me head on.

“Tori, please. I really need to talk to you.”

She crosses her arms and glares at me. “Do you really think I give a shit what you need? My best friend and brother stabbed me in the back. I don’t really have anything left in me to care what you need right now. Or ever again.”

“Please, don’t say that. I know I was wrong. I can’t apologize enough, but I don’t want to lose you. You’re too important to me. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. This isn’t a you versus Toby thing. I want you both in my life.”