No shit. None of that was new to him. Even before therapy, he’d tried—repeatedly—to remind himself that the shit in his head probably wasn’t any different than any of his fellow Marines dealt with on a daily basis, too. Didn’t matter, though. It didn’t stop him from picturing Ernie with a kid on his shoulders, or dragging a Christmas tree through a field with a woman and a couple little ones in tow. Didn’t stop that same old guilt from stabbing through his chest when he pictured himself doing those same things with Jenny and their kids.

Dammit, he wanted a future with her. More than he’d wanted anything, maybe ever. But he couldn’t give her that until he got his head straight. Until then, he’d just bring her down with him.

“Well, it looks like my days are numbered anyhow. I’m out next year.”

Sam half-snorted, half-laughed. “What-the-fuck-ever, dude. You’ll be camped out at the door, waiting to reenlist. Don’t kid yourself.”

“Nah, I mean it. This isn’t what I want anymore.”

“Oh, really?” His buddy’s sneer made Brody’s blood boil. This was his decision, dammit. He’d made it and he was sticking with it. “You giving up because of the diagnosis or the pussy?”

Crash! Brody slammed the bottle of Jameson down on the bar, shattering the glass and slicing open his hand in the process. He hissed with the burn, watching crimson roll down his arm and drip from his palm. Fuck yeah.

“I’m out because I say I’m out, motherfucker.” Something he could control. Unlike anything else in his life.

Sam’s muttered curse was the last thing Brody heard before two sets of beefy hands grabbed him from behind. He grinned as Sam rose from his stool, panic on his face.

Seconds later, his back hit the gravel in the parking lot and he watched with eager eyes as one gnarled, tattooed fist zeroed in on his face. The punishing metal of a ring crunched the cartilage in his nose at the same time a boot snapped the right side of his rib cage.

He closed his eyes and let the numbness carry him away.

Rock bottom never felt so good.

***

“Fuck him and his micro penis, too.” On the floor in front of her, Nicole shook the bottle of Arrest Me Red nail polish while Jenny taste-tested Ally’s nonalcoholic chocolate martini.

“Tastes better with booze, but it’ll do.” She handed the drink back to her pregnant friend and tried to keep her ticklish toes steady while Nicole went to work, making her look and feel beautiful. “For the record, Brody most definitely does not have a micro penis.”

Ally scoffed. “You know, you used to be a lot better at this man-bashing stuff. As one of the only single girls we have left in this town, the rest of us are counting on you, Jenn. Don’t let us down.”

She smiled, even though being relegated back to the singles club made her chest ache. “Sorry, ladies, I guess I’m not rebounding from my rebound very well.”

Nicole scrunched her face. “You think that’s all Brody was? A rebound from Reed?”

“Maybe. No. Not, really.” She fisted her hair and shifted her feet for Nicole. “All I do know for sure is that it felt good. Well, I mean, up until it hurt. That part pretty much sucks.”

Ally cocked her head, a knowing grin on her face. “Well, well, is it possible the untamable Jenny Riley fell in love?”

Untamable? Ouch. She picked up her drink, knowing she was about to sound as pitiful as she felt, “I’ve always been tamable, Al. The problem is no one’s ever wanted me like that.”

“Jenn...” Nicole made a pouty face. “That’s not true.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure it is. Brody’s only the third guy I’ve actually dated. The rest...” Every town needed a bed warmer just as they needed a crazy cat lady. Maybe she could become both and let everyone else off the hook.

“I had no idea.” Ally put a hand to her chest. “You’re my best friend and I had no idea until just now how miserable you’ve been. My God, Jenn. Why didn’t you say something?”

She gave a short, sniffly laugh. “What would I say? I’m jealous as hell of you and Mark? That seeing our circle of friends slowly partner up over the years felt like a noose getting tighter around my neck? I thought I wanted Reed, but the truth was I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“Is that what happened with Brody?” Nicole capped the polish and sat back, her arms wrapped around her knees. “You just didn’t want to be alone?”

It was entirely possible she’d dropped her guard with him because she’d been desperate for a connection, but being with Brody didn’t feel like desperation. It felt like completion. “No, I don’t think so.”

“I don’t think so either.” Ally slid from the couch to the floor to stretch out her legs. “If that were the case, you would’ve jumped him that first night. You held out for something more, though. And you got it.”

Another bitter laugh. “Had it, you mean. You’ll notice he’s not here right now, nor has my phone seen a single text from him since he tore out of my driveway like his ass was on fire.”

Ally reached up and gently touched her knee. “I’ve never been one to make excuses for a man before, especially not one who’s broken my best friend’s heart, but maybe he really is trying to protect you.”

“That’s just it—I don’t need protection! I’m not some naive little girl!” She threw her hands in the air with a frustrated roar.

“We know about Brody’s PTSD, sweetie.”

“What?” Recoiling, Jenny pulled back. “Where did you hear that?”

“Reed said something while we were out a couple weeks ago. You were in Omaha.” Nicole nibbled at the corner of her lip. “He asked Josh and Tony what they knew about it. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but he seemed genuinely worried about you.”

Oh, my God. Her stomach clenched and the two little spots between her jaw and her ears began to burn. “What is he worried about exactly? That Brody might flip out on me? Physically hurt me? Jesus! He would never touch me like that!”

Ally smiled appeasingly. “I’m sure he wouldn’t, Jenn. He’s seems like a decent guy—”

“No!” She jumped to her feet and spun around, her fingers driven back in her hair. “None of you know Brody like I do. None of you have seen his scars or heard his stories or watched him fall apart. Still, you thought it okay to sit around a table at fucking McCauley’s and talk about him like you have?”

“Sweetie, come on. You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting? Are you serious, Al?” Her friend opened her mouth, but Jenny wasn’t done. “That was private information! He hasn’t even told his parents yet!” She paced in front of the fireplace, trying to catch her breath while she processed this bullshit. How could Reed and Sam be so disrespectful? How could her friends not see how disturbing this was?

Nicole rose to her feet too. She had a stupid grin on her face that Jenny wanted to slap right off.

“This isn’t funny, Nic. I am so hurt right now.” Hurt for Brody, mostly. Like it wasn’t bad enough he had to deal with the shame privately, now he had to do it with everyone watching, like he was some kind of sideshow freak.

“You realize what you’re doing, right?” Nic asked cautiously.

“Trying not to completely flip out? Yeah, I know.”

Nicole shook her head. “You’re defending the honor of a guy who just dumped you.”

She stopped pacing and stared at her friend. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Why would you? He hasn’t called in almost two weeks.” More smiling. What the hell was Nicole’s problem?

“I love him, that’s why. And that hasn’t changed just because he doesn’t love me back.”

“You sure about that?”

“How I feel about him?” She gave a wry laugh. “Do you really need to ask me that? Of course I love him. What’s not to love? He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met.”

“I meant the way he feels about you.”

She glanced away, her throat suddenly tight, because...no. No, she wasn’t sure at all and she felt like a total bitch for freaking on Brody the way she had. Comparing him to Reed? That was all self-defense. One hundred percent, burned-before self-defense. He didn’t deserve any of that.