Ashleigh

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Haven said as she opened the door to her and her husband’s apartment. “I’ve missed you at Sunday night dinner.”

Haven and I had been best friends since we were two, and Sunday night dinner was our thing. But I’d not been for a few weeks. I’d been dating and, well, that was complicated.

“Where’s Jake?” I didn’t hear the sound of her husband clattering about in the kitchen.

“Study. They’ve had a breakthrough, apparently.” She shrugged.

“So, how was your date with Richard?” Haven asked, wandering down the hall to the large, open-plan living space that boasted cityscape views like a huge piece of art dominating the room.

I took a deep breath in, winded by the sight of London, the home I’d refused to leave when my parents left for Hong Kong when I was eighteen. “Good,” I replied and took a seat at the breakfast bar while Haven busied herself preparing some wine.

“And? How was it?”

It was a loaded question. I’d been dating Richard a little less than three months, but last night was the first time I’d slept with him. Haven knew I’d planned to give it up last night.

“Yes, we had sex,” I said, jumping right to the part she was really asking about.

She turned from the fridge, waiting for me to expand on my revelation. “And?” she asked when I stayed silent.

I shrugged. “It was fine. It was just sex.”

“What was ‘just sex’?” I spun on my stool as Jake entered the room. He pulled me in for a hug and then looked at me as if he was expecting an answer.

“We need you to solve the world’s energy crisis for about twenty minutes longer and then you can come out and have wine,” Haven said to Jake.

“But I want to hear about the ‘just sex’,” Jake said.

“I know, but so do I, and Ash will pretend to be coy until you leave.” I laughed. “This is important girl stuff,” Haven continued. “Give us twenty minutes and I’ll make it up to you tonight.” She winked at him and he grabbed her round the waist and kissed her neck. They were so happy together. Jake brought out the best in Haven and vice versa. They were what love was meant to be about—the real deal, not two people making do, no “there’s nobody better so he’ll do.” I’d come to realize that love like theirs was more rare than the fairy tales had me believe.

“Enough,” I said, covering my ears and closing my eyes.

“Okay, twenty minutes,” Jake said, unwrapping himself from Haven and stalking back to the study.

Haven abandoned any pretense of dinner prep and brought over a bottle of wine and two glasses, placing them on the breakfast bar and then seating herself on the stool next to me.

Sunday night dinner was our family tradition. And family was what I considered Haven and her brother, Luke. Our close circle had expanded when Haven married Jake, bringing him and his sister, Beth, into the fold. Wine and gossip were essential components to the ritual.

“We have twenty minutes and we have a lot to talk about. So spill,” Haven said.

“There’s nothing much to say. I guess we’ve taken it to the next level.” Unfortunately, the experience had been decidedly un-notable, but Richard was such a nice guy and he was so kind, it felt wrong to say that, to feel that. I wanted to like him. I wanted sleeping together to be explosive…but it hadn’t been. It had been nice. But nice was good, right?

“But was it good? You said it was just sex. That doesn’t sound like good sex.” Haven’s gaze skirted all over me as if I were going to start talking from somewhere other than my mouth.

“It was fine,” I said, not quite knowing what to say. “I mean, I think it has potential.”

“Oh God, was it that bad?”

“I didn’t say it was bad,” I replied. It just hadn’t been amazing. “He’s a great guy. And he really cares about me. First time sex is never easy, especially if you’re not hammered.”

I envied Haven. She’d found the one. But most people didn’t, did they? They certainly didn’t find the love of their life twice—and I’d found mine a lifetime ago. Too bad the feeling had never been mutual. Still, I had no right to ask for the one twice. I needed to make peace with the fact that a nice guy was a good option—maybe the only option—for me.

The buzzer sounded and Haven slid off her chair to answer it. She answered the intercom and let Luke into the building then hovered at the entrance waiting for her brother to get to the door.

Luke.

I took a deep breath.

At any given moment, I could recall the exact second I fell in love with Luke. It was summer, and Haven, he and I were sitting under a magnolia tree in their parents’ garden, joshing and giggling. He’d turned to me and grinned, his smile wide—his perfectly white teeth made brighter by his golden skin—his hair floppy and in need of a cut. He’d raised his eyebrows at me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. And that was it. A spell was cast. Even now, almost fifteen years later, my cheeks heated at the memory of that moment.

“Is Emma coming today?” I asked, changing the subject. I didn’t know if it was just me, but things always seemed easier when Luke’s girlfriend wasn’t here.

“I don’t think so,” Haven said as she turned to answer the door. “I guess we’ll find out.”

I let out a sigh of relief when I only heard Luke in the hallway.

Even after all these years of knowing him, I had to consciously remember to breathe when he walked into a room. Like some fantasy Viking, he was tall, blond and underneath his tight, golden skin, his muscles looked hard as wood. His sheer physical presence almost overwhelmed me for the first seconds I was around him. It was always as if he took up all the air, all the space in the room—he was all I could see. I grinned as he walked in my direction.

“Hey, stranger, where have you been?” he asked as he pulled me out of my seat as if I were a doll and hugged me, his body cocooning mine, squeezing me tight. “You smell good,” he said.

I ignored his question. If Richard and I were to have a fighting chance, I had to get some distance from Luke. I needed to see someone else in the room. I’d come to the conclusion that if I kept comparing every man I met to my long-time love, I’d die alone, surrounded by cats. So I’d stepped back from spending so much time with him, and hadn’t been coming to Sunday dinner as regularly.

“You look well,” he said. I smiled, giddy from his proximity, concentrating on not making my grin too wide.

“It’s all the ‘just sex’,” Jake bellowed from behind us. We both spun around. “Now Luke’s here, I can come out, right?” Jake asked.

Haven rolled her eyes as he grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed one to Luke.

“So what’s this about sex?” Luke asked, before taking a swig from his bottle.

“It’s Ash and Richard, I think,” Jake said, knocking his beer against Haven’s and my glasses.

“Right, that’s about as much as I want to know.” Luke grimaced and Haven looked at me and rolled her eyes. I had always been like a little sister as far as Luke was concerned. There had never been any ambiguity for him.

Richard had asked me out a few times before I said yes. He was a doctor at the hospital where I was a nurse. Wasn’t that the stuff of romance novels?

It was just that when Richard was close by, I didn’t get the thudding in my chest that I had at the moment because Luke was less than a meter away from me.

“Can’t you two go and catch up on the rugby or something?” Haven suggested.

I watched Luke’s neck as his beer slid down his throat, my eyes following the invisible liquid down to the triangle of bare skin exposed by the open collar of his shirt. I forced myself to look away. How did he still have this effect on me after all these years?

Jake clasped Haven’s face between his hands and pulled her toward him, kissing her passionately, while she waved her arms about as if she was protesting. As if. He released her after a couple of seconds and wandered over to the other side of the room with Luke to watch the television, leaving Haven looking dazed and confused.