He has to win. Not just for himself, but maybe a little bit for me too because I like to see that proud look on his face. It actually makes me feel good to see him smile.

And smile he does. When he spots me in the crowd, he seems surprised, but then he grins. He mouths ‘this one is for you, babe.’ My cheeks turn red as he sends me a wink and blows me a kiss. The girls behind me lose their minds, but I don’t care, as my heart jumps up and down at the thought that he’s aimed his affection at me.

It’s almost time, and everyone around me is getting anxious, including me. I can see Chris focusing on the job, as he lowers his visor and starts his motorcycle. The humming of the engines fuels the adrenaline pumping through my body.

And then they take off.

Biting my lip, I watch him shoot across the tracks like a lightning bolt, faster than I’ve ever seen him race. It’s as if he’s on fire, ahead of all the others, but they soon close the distance. They’re all fierce and masters of the track, slipping and sliding along the curves, passing each other with just an inch of space. It’s nerve-wracking to watch.

The crowd is cheering and the sound is deafening, but I’m really pumped up now. I didn’t know it could be this much fun to watch Chris race his ass off. I’m actually cheering for him, too.

When he almost touches the ground with his knee, another racer manages to pass him so tightly that their motorcycles briefly graze each other.

And then the most horrifying thing happens.

His bike starts to swing erratically across the road, the handle rapidly going left and right. Chris attempts to get it under control, but his strength alone is not enough to stop the motorcycle from spinning out of control.

From then on out, everything feels as if it’s happening in slow motion.

People scream, yelling his name, crying for mercy.

My fingers wrap around my face, tightening, holding on for dear life as if it’s the only thing tethering me to this world.

I can’t believe what’s happening.

I stare in horror at what seems like a nightmare unfolding.

Chris.

This can’t be happening right now.

Please tell me it isn’t true.

His bike catches a hard layer of dirt and flips over sideways, scraping along the road. I hold my breath as I see Chris tumble across the track, bikes passing him, some barely managing to miss him. The bike keeps spinning with him still on it, his body limp, even though his hands remain gripped on the handles.

When the bike stops, the crowd grows silent. Dust blows up from the ground, covering the scene in an ominous cloud.

My fingers dig into my skin as I glare at the onslaught.

Pieces of metal lie scattered across the road; the cloud still hiding his bike.

People around me stand up, but I can’t move. It’s as if I’m completely frozen, glued to my seat. This feels like a nightmare that’s too real to be true.

I never thought this could happen.

And now it did.

Chris was in an accident, and I don’t even know if he’s alive.

My skin prickles with goosebumps as Alyssa grabs my arm and gasps. “Chris … Oh, my god.”

Her voice sounds like a faint echo. A repeating sound at the bottom of a dark well where I’m trapped with no way out.

Chris.

Is he alive?

“Em,” Alyssa says.

I don’t know what to do.

I have to see him. I have to know if he’s still alive. If he’s hurt. If he’s okay.

Anything.

But I can’t move. It’s as if I don’t even exist anymore.

“Em! Snap out of it.” Alyssa jerks my arm, forcing me to move.

It doesn’t feel like I’m me anymore, but somehow, some way, my face turns toward her.

“We’ve got to go down there!” she says. “Let’s go.”

She drags me up from my seat and down the stairs, but I’m still completely fazed out after what just happened. I can still see the crash in front of me, as if it’s repeating again and again in my mind.

Everything that comes next happens in a blur.

Chris being hauled from underneath the wreckage.

His bike completely mauled.

His body lying limp on a stretcher. Doctors surrounding him, giving all kinds of medical attention.

And I’m just walking after them like a zombie, staring at Chris, wondering if I’ll ever see his smile again.

Chapter 34

Emily

I’m sipping coffee like it’s my only life support as I sit here in the waiting room. The clock on the wall ticks by slower than a slug. My fingers thrum on the Styrofoam cup as I stare at the door in front of me. At some point, someone is supposed to come out of there and tell me everything is okay.

He has to be okay.

“It’ll be okay,” Alyssa says, as if she can hear my thoughts. She rubs my back and smiles at me. I smile back, but all I feel is fear. Fear that I’m about to lose the only person who really matters to me.

Suddenly, I spot Tricia rushing through the hallway. She stops when she sees me.

“Emily!”

“Tricia, you’re here.”

“Oh my god, what happened?” she says as she comes toward me. “Do you know anything?”

“No, they took him to the OR,” I say, as she hugs me tight. “The bike is torn to shreds.”

“But he’s okay?”

“I don’t know.” I sigh.

“I called Frank, but he’s stuck in traffic, so he’ll get here later. Adrian and Leonard are on their way, too.” She sits down beside me. “I wish I had been there to support him when it happened.”

“I’m glad you weren’t. It was horrible to watch.” I swallow away the lump in my throat. “I’m still shaken up.”

“I can imagine.”

“I’m sure the doctors are taking good care of him,” Alyssa says with a smile to cheer us up. “He’ll be all right.”

“Yeah …” Tricia and I both nod at each other, trying to make each other believe those words.

“God … and to think I was actually mad at him,” I mumble, staring at the floor.

“Mad at him? For what?”

I shrug. “You know …”

“Know what …?” Why is she acting like she suddenly doesn’t know? We’ve always hated each other.

“Nothing …” I grumble.

“No, tell me.” Tricia frowns. “I want to know.”

“Well, now that this has happened, it doesn’t seem as important anymore. But … I always blamed him for my father’s death.”

Her lips part and she leans in as if she wasn’t sure she heard me correctly.

“What? Why?”

“You know what he did,” I say. “How he blurted out all that crap in front of the entire school.” I lick my lips to think about how I’m going to say it without stepping on anyone’s toes. “Dad took those pills right after that incident.”

“Oh …Right.” Tricia says. “No wonder. This explains everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for years I thought you were mad at him for putting you on the spot like that at school, but I never knew you held a grudge against him for your father.” She grabs my arms. “Emily, I know you’re still hurt over your father’s death, but it’s not Chris’s fault.”

“What are you saying?” I shake my head.

She takes a deep breath. “Well, you know how your father was. He never was really happy. Not even with me. I thought I could maybe make him happy … after your mom passed away. I’m sorry; this must be difficult to talk about to you.”

“No, continue please,” I say. I need to hear it. I need her to say what she has to say, even if I might not like it.

“Well, I fell for your father because he was so kind, and I thought I could take away all the pain and hurt. I thought that I could be enough for him. But it turns out, I never was. He wasn’t happy, Emily. You know that.”

I nod slowly, trying to come to terms with that fact.

“I started dating your father because he needed me. He needed me more than anything … to keep him alive.”

My lips part, but I have no clue what to say. “What?”

“Your father was already on the brink. I’m sorry, Emily. I should’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t want you to feel bad about it. I didn’t want you to think it was your fault. I know how you must’ve felt.”