For some reason I knew he was rolling onto his back. Maybe it was because of the way his tone changed, it was heavier. He let out a big, throaty laugh.

“I like you, Alexandra. When a guy likes a girl he pays attention to the little things, and you, Darlin’, are very easy to read. As much as you want to pretend that you don’t feel something for me, I know the truth and one day, I’ll prove it to you. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

I beamed. I couldn’t help it.

“You know the first thing I’m going to do when I see you?”

“Flirt with me?” I sassed.

“That’s the second. The first is to pull you up into my arms and spin you around until you tell me to stop. Will you tell me to stop, Alexandra?” he rasped.

My heart pounded in my chest with heavy thumps, and I rolled onto my back in some awkward position. My eyes landing on his, sitting right on my nightstand, wrapped in a black frame. The photo of Lucas and I stared me right in the face.

“What time do you land?” I asked, changing the subject. I had to.

“Two in the afternoon and you already know that,” he paused as he debated on what to say. If there was one thing I knew about Cole, it was that he always spoke his mind, no matter what.

“What took away my happiness, Darlin’? I can hear it in your voice.”

Sometimes I hated that he was so perceptive.

“Is it Lucas?”

Over the past few months, I started opening up to him. I told him as much as I could about Lucas and I. He always listened, never saying anything bad about him. I wouldn’t let him if he tried.

“Something like that,” I simply replied. “I’m fine.”

“Now that I’m aware of.”

I giggled. I loved the ability of being able to go from a serious conversation to a light one with him. It was never like that with Lucas.

“I’m really glad I met you, Cole.”

“Good, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “You land at two o’clock, and I will see you at two forty-five at the lighthouse. I’m bringing lunch and a smile.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Sweet dreams, Darlin’, and by that I mean me.”

“Goodnight, Cole,” I chuckled.

I instinctively grabbed the picture of Lucas and me from my nightstand as I hung up. We talked when we were around the boys. And he said hello when he passed me in the halls at school. But that pretty much summed up our relationship. School had been over for two weeks now and nothing really changed between us.

I hated it. I hated it so much. The worst part was that there was nothing I could do to fix us. His extra-curricular activities seemed to die down or maybe he hid it from me. I silently hoped it had something to do with me, and what I had said to him.

That maybe I made a difference in how he acted. I wasn’t giving up hope, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath either. At times, I swore I could feel his eyes on me or maybe it was just wishful thinking. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t easier to distract myself with Cole. Everything with him came easy. I truly loved that about him. Cole was a nice change in pace from the hurricane that constantly surrounded Lucas.

I wish I could tell you that my feelings for him went away, that I woke up one morning and they had vanished. Gone like the wind. They didn’t. I started to wonder if they ever would, and to be honest I wasn’t prepared for them to leave me anyway. It had become a part of me. He was ingrained. Etched somewhere deep in my heart. Every day it got a little easier not having him around me, but then there would be times like this where my heart physically ached for him in ways that made it hard to breathe.

I hit send on my phone before I even realized it, and then I heard his voice.

“Alexandra?” he answered. It only added salt to my open wounds when he addressed me by my full name. Which was the complete opposite feeling when Cole called me that. I loved it.

“Hey,” I breathed out.

“Are you okay?”

Silence.

“You haven’t called me in a long time,” he added, his voice breaking.

More silence.

“Are you there?”

“Yeah…” I started to panic. I wasn’t prepared for whatever attitude he would throw toward me. I didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry I called. I’m sorry for bothering you.” I was about to click end.

“I’m not,” he stated, making me hover my finger over the button.

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow? I miss you,” he paused, letting his words sink in. “I miss us,” he coaxed, catching me completely off guard.

“I could pick you up. Our abandoned house probably misses us,” he chuckled, trying to break the tension. Though I could hear the strain in his tone. “I could pick you up around two.”

My heart dropped.

“Half-Pint…”

It now shattered, along with my hope for things to change.

“Please. I’m sorry for everything. You know that, right?”

“Wednesday,” I blurted with my heart in my throat. “You could pick me up from work.”

I immediately noticed that his breathing became heavier, deeper. He hesitated for a few seconds. Talking to Cole on the phone for months made me realize how much you could learn about a person just by being on the phone with them.

“Why not tomorrow?”

“Bo,” I pleaded. I didn’t want to tell him.

“Why. Not. Tomorrow?” he demanded, stressing every word.

“Cole gets into town tomorrow and I promised him—”

He scoffed in disgust, cutting me off. “Is that right? Well then by all means, Alexandra, I wouldn’t want you to keep Cole waiting or anything. Seeing as he’s so important to you.”

“That’s not—”

“I… haven’t spent time with you in months. Months. Fuck,” he seethed. “You know what? Fuck it. Have a great time.”

“Bo—” The call ended.

And for the first time I felt like it mimicked our friendship.

When I saw her name come up on my phone, I thought that maybe something would give and we could find our way back to each other.

I’m a fucking idiot.

Cole.

It was always fucking Cole.

I wasn’t first in her life anymore, and she couldn’t spell it out for me any clearer if she tried. It was evident.

“Are you alright?” Stacey asked, pulling me away from my thoughts and walking toward me.

I smiled and pulled her closer. “I am now.”

After Aubrey had confronted me that afternoon, I decided to change my ways. At least around Alex I would. I didn’t flaunt my conquests in front of her. I also didn’t parade all the pussy that was thrown at me. I didn’t even try to get laid as often. If it happened, it happened. I didn’t go looking for it like I did before. Girls would still talk about me, but at least she didn’t have to be as exposed to it like before.

As more time went by our drift became bigger. I didn’t know who she was anymore, and I had no one to blame but myself.

We tend to hurt the ones we love.

I had to learn that the hard way.

Cole was officially coming back to town for the summer. I would see them together everywhere. The only way to prevent it, was to lock myself in my bedroom for the whole summer. I thought about doing it once or twice, I’m not going to lie. This next year would be my last summer before college. I applied to several out of state schools and had already heard back from a few with “Congratulations, you’ve been accepted” letters. But, I didn’t commit to any of them yet.

I told everyone I hadn’t chosen one because there was so many to choose from. In reality, it all came back to her. Every time I thought about not seeing her, it was hard to breathe. It was easy to contemplate leaving, pulling the trigger, though that was a whole different story.