I took one last look at him, wanting to remember him just this way, and sucked in a breath I didn’t realize I held. “I’m done, Bo, I’m done,” I repeated as more tears fell down his handsome, broken face.

For the first time…

He knew.

That what I said…

Was. True.

“Damn, man, you sure you want to do this?” Dylan asked as I packed the last of my things.

“What other choice do I have?”

“You don’t have to move back home, Lucas. I mean yeah, she’s pregnant, but you can finish the school year. Your son’s not going to be born until April, it’s January.” He had just got back from Christmas break. I only went home for Christmas day and then came right back to start packing and take care of any loose ends.

“It just makes sense, man, I need to go. With my mom being sick and Stacey being pregnant, it’s the right thing to do.”

“Fuck…” He sat on the edge of my bed. “Jacob is barely ever around and Austin is moving in now. He got kicked out of the dorms, and I think he’s losing his shit. Did you see him at the kegger? He was on something, that wasn’t just weed and booze as he claimed.”

“It’s his problem.”

“He’s failing almost all his classes. He never goes.”

“Again. It’s his problem. Not yours,” I stated.

He nodded. “Yeah, I hope he gets his shit together. I’m not going to deal with it when he’s living here. Neither will Jacob.”

“Austin’s going to do what he wants. It is what it is.”

“Have you talked to Stacey? Does she know you’re moving back and transferring to Wilmington?”

“For the most part.”

“She must be happy, she got what she wanted.”

“She’s the mother of my kid, Dylan.”

“Which is why I’m not saying what I really want to.”

I zipped the suitcase, placing it on the floor.

“How’s your mom?”

“They’re going to start the first round of chemo next month. She’s as good as she can be. I wish I could say the same for my dad and Lily.”

“Yeah, Half-Pint told me.”

I glanced over at him. “Alex? She knows?”

“Of course she does.”

“Who told her?”

“Your parents over Thanksgiving break. She went home with Cole.”

“Cole?” I squinted.

“Yeah, she didn’t take the news well. I’m actually glad he was with her.”

I hadn’t gone home for break. I needed to get all my documents in order for the school transfer.

“Are they together?”

“Not that I know of, but she moved to California, Lucas. You think she did that for shits and giggles? I’m sure he had something to do with it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were together. He’s been around for years, like a poor sick puppy dog following her around. At least he’s proved himself.”

“Fuck him,” I roared.

He shook his head. “She deserves to be happy, Lucas. She deserves that more than anybody. If he makes her happy, then that’s all that matters to me.”

“I should have made her—” I stopped myself from saying what I wanted to.

“You didn’t. You never did,” he said, already knowing what I wanted to say.

He was right, there wasn’t much left for me to say after that. I rolled my suitcase out of the room and placed it by the front door.

“You coming home for spring break?”

“I think the boys and I are going to California. Alex has been begging us to come check it out.”

“Aubrey?”

He shrugged. “She’s just a girl I used to fuck.”

My eyebrows raised, but I quickly wiped the surprised look off my face. “I’ll see you.” I patted his back.

“Take care, brother.”

“Talk soon.”

I drove my truck the entire way home listening to Brown Eyed Girl.

On repeat.

“Wait, what? Straighten that out for me.”

“Cole, that doesn’t even make sense,” I laughed with Aubrey.

“Oh, it doesn’t make sense? I’ll show you making sense.” He tugged my foot from across the floor, pulling me to him to tickle all over my ribs and under my arms. I shrieked, kicking and laughing all at the same time. He finally stopped his assault with a proud look on his face. I rolled my eyes with a playful smile as he kissed the top of my head.

“I’m going to go order some pizza. Pineapple?” he questioned.

“Duh,” I simply stated as he walked out of the room.

“It’s nice,” Aubrey grinned.

I sat up and went back to the coffee table, where our textbooks and notebooks were spread out. We were all studying for midterms that were only a few days away.

“I know I love pineapple pizza!”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s nice to see you laughing and smiling again, Alex.”

I bowed my head, looking at my notebook.

“I’m serious. I know it’s been a rough year for you.”

“Yeah,” was all I could say.

“Have you talked to him? Have you talked to Lucas?”

I shook my head no.

“That’s probably for the best. How’s his mom?”

“Fighting.”

She nodded in understanding.

“Lily is… she’s… she’s really bad,” I stuttered. “You know how she is, such a free spirit, happy go lucky kinda girl. She’s fifteen and should be worrying about boys and her learner’s permit. Her life’s completely changed. I think it’s killed some of her spirit.”

“Lily is resilient, though. She’s a lot like Lucas in that sense. It’s a Ryder trait.”

“My mom… I mean my parents in general. They’re not dealing well with it either. I guess it hasn’t really hit me yet. I mean I know she’s sick, but I’m not there seeing it happen. I’m here and I feel really guilty about that.”

They had told me over the holiday break and as soon as they did. I had a gut wrenching feeling that Lucas was coming to tell me the night he found Cole and I in our abandoned house. Especially after him not sharing it with me during our last encounter at his apartment. He didn’t want to add to the pain I felt already, knowing I would find out eventually.

“You being there will not change anything, Alex. Your parents want you here. They told you several times.”

“I know that. But she’s like a mom to me,” I breathed out. “I can’t imagine life without her. I don’t ever want to imagine it.”

“She’ll be okay. You just have to have faith.”

“I am. I’m trying.”

“It’s okay for you to be happy.  I hate to say this because you know I’ve always been team Lucas, but Cole he’s a good guy. It's obvious he loves you. I think a part of you loves him, too. You have to move on, Lucas has.”

My mind processed what she said to me, knowing she was right. “He is a good guy and I do love him, Aubrey. I just don’t know if I'm in love with him yet.”

“Well, you’re never going to find out if you don’t try to see what’s there. You've kept him in the friend box and maybe it’s time for you to take him out of there. I mean you lost your virginity to him. That’s got to mean something.”

Before I could answer, Cole walked back into the living room clapping his hands loudly, making Aubrey and I jump from the sound.

“I am ready to conquer Physics. Who’s with me?”

We both looked at him like he was crazy.

“All right,” he stated with a serious face. “Nobody.”

We spent the rest of the night laughing, studying and eating entirely too much pizza. Cole crashed on our couch, and for the first time I almost told him to come sleep in my bed.

With me.

The boys were coming in a few days to visit me in California over spring break. I bought a few air mattresses after I asked Aubrey if it was okay that they stayed with us. She said it didn’t bother her and that it was fine. Dylan said the same.