Pretty soon I couldn’t resist—I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers.

She let me kiss her, but didn’t really kiss me back, and her hands remained on her stomach. I lifted my head and looked down at her again. Stubborn little butterfly. Give in to me. I kissed each eyelid and the tip of her nose. Then I lowered my lips to her forehead and left them there. The voice returned.

You really think you should do this?

Yes. Shut the fuck up and go away. Or don’t. But I want to know what it’s like to kiss this woman, to touch her and feel her touch me. So you can either stick around and watch, or you can fuck right off.

Feeling proud of myself, I kissed her lips once more, and her eyes opened.

“Sebastian,” she whispered. “What are you doing?”

“Ignoring the voice in my head telling me not to touch you.”

She reached up and took my face in her hands. “Good.”

My mouth closed over hers and she rolled to her side, putting her lower body flush to mine.

Easy, easy, I told myself as her lips opened wider and I slipped my tongue between them. She tasted sweet, like mint and honey, and I lazily stroked her tongue with mine. My hands itched to explore her body, slide beneath her clothes, feel her bare skin, but I didn’t allow myself the pleasure yet. It had been so long, and my cock ached to get inside her, but I wanted to go slow, do this right.

She wasn’t making it easy, though—not with the way she kissed, playful and light one moment, greedily sucking my tongue into her mouth the next, not with the way she raked her nails through my hair and held my head in her hands, not with the way she pressed her curvy little body closer to mine, throwing one leg over my hip. My erection bulged against my shorts, and I put my hand on her ass to pull her closer, rub my cock against the sweet spot between her legs.

She moaned as I kissed her throat, swirling my tongue on her skin. “Mmmm. That feels so good,” she said softly, sliding a hand down my arm. “You surprised me.”

I buried my face in her neck, breathing in her scent. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. In a good way.” She took my jaw in her hands, bringing my mouth up to hers. As the kiss deepened, she slipped a hand between us and rubbed my cock through my shorts…sweet, soft, slow strokes that made me dig my fingers into her back and pant against her lips. I rocked my hips, thrusting against her palm, and slid my hand underneath her shirt.

Are you fucking crazy? You can’t touch her like that. You won’t be able to stop. You’re already so hard it hurts. Another minute and you’ll be totally out of control and she’ll be helpless against you. And you’re all alone out here on the water. No one would hear her scream.

“Skylar,” I said, leaning my forehead against hers. “Maybe we should stop.”

“You want to stop right now?” She pressed harder against my erection. “I can think of something more fun.”

I groaned. “I know, but—just wait.” I sat up, breathing hard.

“Okayyyy,” she said, clearly confused.

I shoved my sunglasses on my face and moved to the opposite end of the boat from her to sit on the bench. But first I had to adjust myself.

She laughed. “I’d say I’m sorry, but you know I’m not.”

“I know. And I’m not either. It’s just…” I ran a hand over my hair and decided to be honest. I’d fucked up with Diana by trying to hide shit. “The voice is telling me I’ll hurt you.”

She looked surprised, her eyebrows rising. “It is? Right now? Tell it to fuck off.” She leaned forward conspiringly and whispered, “I like it a little rough, anyway.”

“For God’s sake, Skylar. Don’t say that stuff to me,” I snapped. “You don’t know me at all.”

“I’m trying, Sebastian! What the hell?” she cried, throwing a hand up. “Listen, if we’re going to be friends and I’m going to help you through whatever issue you have being close to me, then you should get used to the way I talk. I told you, I’m a very open person. I say what’s on my mind. Now what the fuck is on yours?”

“I told you. I’ll fucking hurt you.”

“How?”

The words stuck in my throat, but finally I blurted the fucked-up truth. “I’ll choke you.”

Her jaw dropped, and her fingertips touched her throat. “Choke me?”

I nodded angrily. “Yes. I know it’s irrational and stupid, and I know you can’t understand, but it’s real to me.”

Rather than reassure me I was being ridiculous, she crawled over and knelt between my feet. “Sebastian,” she said firmly. “Put your hands on me.”

“What?”

“Around my neck. Do it.”

“No!” I gripped the edge of the bench, and she grabbed at my wrists.

“Come on, grab me by the throat,” she said, her voice growing louder as she grappled with me. “Choke me if you’re going to!”

“Will you fucking stop it?” I yelled at her, putting my hands in the air. “Get away from me!”

“No!” She stood and kept grabbing at me, the boat rocking perilously, and finally I did as she asked and wrapped my hands around her neck or else she was going to tip us over. She dropped to her knees again at my feet, her fingers tight around my wrists, holding them to her.

I felt sick inside. “Is this what you want? For me to hurt you?”

“You won’t hurt me.” In contrast to my panicked yelling, she spoke quietly, if a little breathlessly, and in her eyes I saw no fear. “You won’t hurt me.”

We paused there a moment, both of us breathing hard. My heart pounded, my body coursed with adrenaline, and my hands shook. Desperately I battled the urge to count as I inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to calm my overwrought nervous system. But as the seconds ticked by and I did nothing violent, I realized she was right—I wasn’t going to harm her. My body relaxed, my breathing slowed.

“There,” she said softly. “See?” She pulled my hands off her neck, and immediately I curled my fingers over the edge of the bench again. She scooted even closer to me, resting her arms on my thighs. “Now tell me what else to do so we can go back to what we were doing.”

“There’s nothing you can do,” I said sourly. “It’s just the way I am.” I looked out across the water, unable to handle the hurt expression on her face. You fucking coward.

“I don’t believe that.”

“Well, it’s true.” I fucking hated myself, so I took it out on her, of course. “You think this is the first time this has happened to me? I know how this goes, Skylar.” I forced myself to look at her. I wanted the asshole in my head to see exactly what he was giving up. “We have sex because we like each other and we’re attracted to each to each other and we think that’s enough but then who we are isn’t really what the other person thinks we are, so nothing works out and six months later we end up disappointing each other and blaming ourselves for what we should have admitted in the first place—this shouldn’t happen.”

She sat back, her butt on the boat’s bottom. “Holy shit, Sebastian.”

“What?”

“You’re killing me. I can’t even think where I’m going to live next week and you’re able to imagine exactly what would happen in six months if I give you a hand job in this boat.”

She was going to give me a hand job. Fuck.

“Is that what happened with your ex?”

I exhaled. “Sort of.” The wind picked up, and I listened to the waves lap against the side of the boat for a moment. The sound calmed me. “I’m sorry. I panic easily.”

She nodded. “I’m beginning to see that.”

Well, this was it. She was realizing how difficult I was, how frustrating it was to get close to me, and she’d abandon me because of it. It’s nothing I didn’t expect…it had happened plenty of times before with girls a lot less beautiful than Skylar. So her next words shocked me.

“You know what we need? Some fried chicken. You’re coming to dinner at my parents’ house.”

Nausea hit me. Strangers. A dinner table. A new situation. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”