‘Listen, I’ve been training hard – showing willing. I don’t want to lose my career. I don’t want to lose you.’

‘It’s a bit late for that,’ I said, trying to sound sympathetic, even as I said it.

‘It’s never too late, Grace,’ he said. ‘I still love you, and you love me.’

Again, I didn’t know what to say.

‘Don’t you?’ he said. ‘You still love me, don’t you, Grace?’

‘Yes,’ I said, feeling uncomfortable. ‘No - I don’t know, Leo. I just don’t know.’

‘That’s okay,’ he said. ‘It’s understandable, but listen, I’m still up for that promotion. Sam’s in talks with a few of the bigger teams.’

‘Which teams?’

‘I…I’m not supposed to talk about it.’ He gave a self-conscious laugh. ‘To be honest, I think he just wants rid of me. Johnno’s on the transfer list, too, but I think he’ll be going down.’

‘Oh,’ I said. Johnno was older – he’d been Team Captain for years. It made sense he’d be on his way back down the divisions.

‘I’m getting by,’ he said. Oh – well done, you. ‘But it’s not the same, Grace. I need you. I’m far more likely to get this transfer, if you stand by me. We’re a team.’

‘We weren’t when you were gangbanging that girl in Hull,’ I said. I couldn’t help myself. ‘You were in quite a different team that night.’

‘Don’t you think I regret it?’ His voice was plaintive, rising with emotion.

‘I’m sure you do,’ I said. ‘But only because you got caught out.’

‘No!’

He said something else, but I couldn’t catch it. Something – a lorry or a bus – had gone by.

‘I can hardly hear you,’ I said, straining to catch his words. ‘Where are you?’

‘I’m out,’ he said. ‘I’m in Islington.’

Islington? God, what was he doing over there? I’d only just left. He could’ve come into Jackaroo’s. He could’ve seen everything. Christ, he’d have killed me.

‘Oh,’ I said, trying to sound nonchalant. ‘Well, you’d better get on with whatever you’re doing.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘Listen, one day, we’ll look back on all this and laugh.’

I almost laughed as he said it. I couldn’t believe it – the gall of him was quite incredible. It would’ve been funny if it weren't so tragic. ‘Leo,’ I said, in measured tones. ‘I will never laugh about this.’

‘Look.’ There was an irritated edge to his voice. ‘We’re going to have to sort this out sooner or later, Princess. I know you don’t want to hear it right now, but it’s you and me. Always has been, always will be.’

I didn’t speak for a moment. He just wasn’t listening. I didn’t know how else to get through to him. Finally, I took a deep breath. ‘There is no you and me, Leo. I should have left you a long time ago. You’re a violent, egotistical creep. Now, leave me alone.’

There was a silence. When he spoke again, his voice was cold and hard. ‘You’ll see sense. I’m going to be a big name soon – you wait and see.’

‘You’re a big name already,’ I said. ‘And for all the wrong reasons.’

I’d cut him off after that, and he hadn’t rung back. The fact that he’d been in Islington had weighed on me. That, coupled with waiting for an answer to my text, kept me awake until Liv came crashing in at gone midnight. The fact that she was clearly drunk and had Gav in tow – despite having supposedly finished with him – meant that I was kept awake even longer. The sounds of them laughing, whispering and bumping into things gave way to the strains of their loud and protracted shag session. When I finally slipped into sleep, it was into a mixed-up doze, full of mashed-up parts of my fantasies. I kept waking with a start, before sliding back into slumber, because everyone in them had Leo’s face.

I must’ve got some restful sleep in the end, because I only felt slightly groggy when I woke. Liv and Gav had started up again, and the upper floor of the house was suffused with the sounds of them. The grunts and mutters of Gav, and the rhythmic knocking of the headboard against the wall, were punctuated only by the occasional hushed-up cry from Liv. I lay there, listening to them, and wishing I wasn’t. Not only did it make me feel awkward and uncomfortable, but – I couldn’t help it – it turned me on too.

As their lovemaking grew to its crescendo, my thoughts turned once more to the Aussies and, from there, to the so-called Filth Monger. Even though he seemed to have abandoned me, I still couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to sleep with him - to have him above me – his finely-chiselled face looking down on me, his glorious blue eyes fixed on mine as he crashed into me.

Even though I knew it would be nothing like I imagined it – I’d never looked a guy in the eye during sex in my life – the very thought of it was enough to send shivers of ecstasy through me. As Liv and Gav came together, I came too, apart and alone but for the shady, insubstantial presence of the guy that had turned his back on me in my hour of need.

Liv had got up soon after and had a shower - the sound of her singing lulling me back into a dreamless sleep. When I woke again, they’d both gone. I wondered how she’d managed to get out at all - considering how drunk she’d sounded the night before - and whether she’d been late for work.

Work. I looked at the clock. It was time I got up too, if I wanted to see Max this morning. I wondered what he’d say – whether he’d let me back to work on Monday, and whether he’d be sympathetic still, or just irritated at having been left to fend for himself.

Well, there was only one way to find out. I got up and headed to the bathroom. If there was one thing I needed to do, it was to wash the touch of Stef and the rest of them off me before I went to face il capo.

    Twenty One

Him

I hadn’t slept well. The sight of Alex, laying there on the Embankment clutching his side; Rick’s hand, vanishing into the Thames; the images wouldn’t leave me. Even after I’d finally dropped off, I kept coming to with a start from a nightmare that didn’t evaporate on waking. How was I going to be able to make it up to Sandy, without giving away the fact that Rick was dead?

The only bright note was that Alex was okay. He’d rung Ronnie to tell her as much. He was in St Thomas’s but was expecting to be discharged in the morning, as long as the Consultant agreed. I’d put Stephens on alert, ready to go and take him home as soon as he was out, and Ronnie was organising for food and general provisions to be delivered on his arrival. Alex was a confirmed bachelor, and I knew what his idea of eating-in consisted of – the tail-end of the previous night’s takeaway, when I’d gone over there once. It was no wonder he had the start of a paunch developing but then, as he’d said, that was what had saved him.

So, what with all the rest of it, coupled with my inability to contact Grace, it was a frustratingly long night. I’d paced the floor of my duplex, looking out over the river, remembering Rick’s hand, vanishing into the darkness, and the walk with Grace, and wondering what the hell I was going to do.

What the hell must she have thought, when I didn’t get back to her? She’d said she needed help. I hoped she hadn’t done anything stupid. I’d given her my word I’d be there for her, and I’d let her down. At one point, I even contemplated grabbing the Aston and driving over to her house. The only thing that’d stopped me was that, by the time I’d managed to get home and cleaned up, it was past midnight. By the time it occurred to me to drive over there, it was way beyond that. She’d have thought me a freak.

I’d go over there today, straight after seeing Max. I had to find out what was wrong, and – yes – I just wanted to see her again, even if she wasn’t interested. It was enough to snap me out of my lethargy and get myself ready to go over to Ffyvells.

When I got there, Max was in a meeting. I had to sit around in someone’s empty office, sipping at a glass of water while I waited. I felt oddly dejected, and it didn’t seem to be due to the fallout from last night. To make matters worse, I looked to be the butt of some private joke. People kept walking past the office and looking in at me. Most of them were women, but one or two were men, and they appeared to find me incredibly amusing.