As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to turn over. I made myself a coffee, then sat down at the breakfast bar and waited for the inevitable train wreck to commence.

    Thirty Seven

Her

I was still buzzing from the interview when Jimmy dropped me back at Liv’s later that afternoon. Well, not so much from the interview – I’d made a total idiot of myself – but from the enthusiastic reception I’d got from Jimmy afterwards.

He’d taken me for a late lunch when the show finished, after I’d admitted I’d been too nervous to eat beforehand.

As we sat in the restaurant, he’d leant across the table and taken my hand.

‘You were wonderful, Grace,’ he said. ‘Truly, I’d never have thought of that. You’re quite the little actress.’

‘But I never…’

‘Trust me, Grace,’ he said, hushing my protests with a gesture of his hand. ‘You had them eating out of your hand. You’re a household name in your own right now, and things will only get better from here-on in, I promise you.’

‘You think so?’ I kept remembering my ridiculous behaviour when they’d asked me about Leo and, each time, I cringed anew.

‘I know so.’ He took out his phone. ‘I’ve already started lining up some other possibilities and, after that, they’ll be gagging for you, let me tell you.’

I was totally overwhelmed, and could only pick at my Caesar Salad as his words sunk in.

When I got home, Liv was waiting at the door, her arms open wide. She was practically jumping up and down with excitement.

‘Oh my God, Grace,’ she squawked. ‘You were fantastic! I called my mum and she couldn’t believe it when I said I knew you.’

‘Knew me is the understatement of the year,’ I said, laughing and hugging her back. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been a pain. I’ll be out of your hair soon, I promise.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ she said, dragging me through to the kitchen. ‘We’ll have to go out tonight – celebrate.’

‘Yes,’ I said, before remembering my plans for that very evening. ‘Uh…no. I can’t. Sorry.’

I couldn’t believe I’d actually forgotten. Maybe I wasn’t looking forward to it quite as much as I’d been telling myself. But I was going to see…

‘Not Nathaniel Fforbes again?’ Liv said, cutting through my thoughts.

‘Um…yes,’ I said. ‘And no.’

‘Don’t tell me,’ she said, with a wicked grin. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Yes.’

‘And he’s not interested.’ She smirked. ‘I’ll bet he is now, after your interview.’

‘No,’ I said, putting the kettle on. ‘We’ve moved on from that. He can’t stand the sight of me, now.’

As Stephens drove up the long avenue to the Castle, I thought again about what Liv had said. If he’d even seen the interview, which I very much doubted, it might’ve softened him a little. I hoped so, at least.

I hadn’t brought anything with me. In my fantasies, I was usually out and dressed to impress anyway, so there hadn’t seemed much point. I decided to wear the midnight blue, diamanté-studded dress I’d worn to the F Bar, and the matching Louboutins. It seemed appropriate, somehow. As for objects and paraphernalia…well, the mind boggled, and I’d left those areas very much alone.

Ronnie was waiting for me in the entrance hall when the maid let me in.

‘Welcome again, my love,’ she said, kissing me on both cheeks before pulling back to inspect me. ‘No spare clothes?’

‘Um…no,’ I said. ‘I didn’t think I’d need them.’

‘Well,’ she said, ushering me through the corridors. ‘We’ll see how the evening progresses. I’m sure we can find you something, if need be.’

I wondered what she thought might happen to the clothes I was wearing, but I was too nervous to enquire further.

Nathaniel was waiting in his office.

‘I’ll be next door, Nathaniel,’ said Ronnie. ‘If you need me.’

I felt a certain tension between them that hadn’t been there the time before. I wondered if they’d had a row and, if they had, if it was about me. She’d said she thought we might be…I don’t know…an item or, at least, close. I could’ve laughed. How little she knew.

‘Allow me to congratulate you,’ he said, stiffly. ‘On the…spectacle you made of yourself today.’

‘Spectacle?’ So he had seen the interview. It wasn’t quite the reception I’d been expecting, if so. Congratulate? I remembered the Congratulations in his text. So he had been being sarcastic.

‘A proper little show you made of yourself,’ he commented, pulling back the curtain briefly to peer into the playroom. ‘How did that come about?’

‘Jimmy organised it,’ I replied, taken aback at his tone. ‘He said I did well.’

‘If you’re going to let me help you.’ His voice was level, but there was an edge to it. ‘You need to let me make those kinds of decisions. You’re all over the place. Good decision…bad…you can’t tell the difference at the moment.’

‘I didn’t decide it,’ I said, starting to feel angry. Who was he to tell me what to do? ‘I told you. It was Jimmy.’

‘And who’s Jimmy, exactly?’

‘My agent.’

He was still speaking calmly, but his eyes were flashing with a fire that made them sparkle like sapphires.

‘Fuck your agent,’ he exploded. ‘He knows fuck all about you. Don’t you get it? You need to be lowering your profile, not raising it. The higher it is, the more risk of you being exposed.’

I didn’t speak. I could see he was right, but I needed the money.

‘I’ll make the decisions,’ he said. ‘I’m your fucking agent.’

‘No,’ I said, finally finding my voice. ‘You’re just my fucking pimp.’

My words seemed to startle him out of his fury. Maybe it was the fact that I swore, or maybe it was because I’d hit too close to home. Whatever it was, his mouth snapped shut and he turned away.

When he spoke again, it was in the measured tones he’d used when I arrived. ‘If that’s really what you think,’ he said. ‘Then there’s nothing more to say. Are you ready?’

I stared back at him. Somehow, I felt, I’d said an unforgivable thing. I wanted to apologise, but it seemed futile. If he hadn’t hated me already, he did now.

‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’ I shrugged.

He didn’t even look at me, but instead switched on the intercom.

‘We’re ready here, Alex,’ he said, taking my coat. ‘Whenever you are.’

He turned to me. ‘Are you absolutely sure about this?’

I nodded, not meeting his eye.

‘You can still back out.’

I shook my head, not meeting his gaze.

‘Fair enough.’ He shrugged, opening the office door. ‘Then, let play commence.’

    Thirty Eight

Him

By the time we reached the playroom, I was already regretting my outburst. I’d been stewing on that interview all day, and I’d just lost it. It showed how much I felt for her – it was a point of honour for me, never to lose my composure. I’d just dishonoured myself, and her with it.

It wasn’t even about her public profile, if I was honest with myself. That was all true, but it was just something to focus my hurt on. The real issue was the tears. I’d never expected her to cry over Sparkes. He wasn’t worth it, and I’d just assumed she knew that. It’d never occurred to me that she might still care for him.

As I went to turn the handle, I paused and turned to her. It was her last chance for redemption, in my eyes. ‘Are you completely set on this?’

She looked back at me, expressionless, and nodded.

I opened the door and she stood there, looking in. It was all set out and ready, the men already in place and a bar in the corner, which had been brought in for the occasion. I’d made that decision. It was a nod to the F Bar, where I’d saved her from herself once before, and it seemed appropriate.

It certainly appeared to please her.

She turned and smiled at me and went to walk in. When I didn’t follow, she turned back to me.